new years pain in the ass

the new years party turned into a big pain in the ass.

not just because of the ever changing rules of who was allowed to attend, but everything else.

i've been getting the feeling that a lot of the people claiming to be my friends really arent.  hey, i'm a big girl and i can handle that.  i get it and i can cope with it without resorting to huddling in a corner and sucking my thumb.  it's all a part of growing up.

by 11pm i was bored and ready to go home.  i really wanted to just get the hell out of there.  i was tired of people telling me i had to go swimming because they were swimming.  i felt uncomfortable and fat and just not willing to sit and talk to people.  instead i sat on the couch and watched tv with a friend.  mostly rode in the new year that way.  the other pisser was that it took a cab nearly 6hrs to be free and clear to get there.  talk about utter bullshit.  ch and i slept behind a couch for a while because every bed and couch in the place was used.  not my idea of fun either.  believe me, if i had known that, i would have left earlier or never gone out there in the first place.

after midnight hit, everyone went around hugging people.  for some strange reason these folks believe in kissing each other too.  i hate that and think it's a huge intrustion into my inner space.  a hug is one thing; a kiss is entirely another.  i dont need people kissing me on the lips or cheeks if they're not related to me in some fashion and even then, i'll just keep my h1n1 to myself, thanks.  fuck.

so we were all going around hugging one another and one of the banned but not banned guests came up to hug me.  well, i had a few drinks by that point and hugged her tightly.  well i heard nothing but bitching for the rest of the night because she has painful breast cysts.  WELL, DID I KNOW THAT?  fuck.  the next person she hugged was a friend of mine who i think throws me under the bus quite a bit and they exchanged hugs and this friend went out of her way to carefully hug the other person as if to suggest that i'm the douche here.  i probably shouldnt have apologized as much as i did, which probably made it that much easier to continually rub it in that i was wrong.  i dont see this tina much...saw her 2x this past year...so how in the fuck would i know any of her health issues?  past or present?

i know it's a very minor thing, but if you ask me, it's just another lego block in my argument that i'm not exactly surrounded by friends.  first it's the dinner out where she accidentally puposefully neglects to mention she's invited two other guests and then it's the new years hug thing where she tries to act as if i'm the douche for hugging tina too tightly. 

i dont know...maybe i'm just being too finicky, but it sure fucking has that familiar junior high feeling again and i'm not liking it at all.