i'm contemplating taking my fitness leadership certification in 2010.
four courses are required : exercise theory, group exercise fundamentals, resistance training, and a minimum of 44hrs of in class practicum.
i'm not gaga about the in class practicum. as a matter of fact, i'm really not excited to get up in front of the class and don a microphone and sweat and show my ass off for the world to see. too many anxieties over it, namely the whole "what if i cant DO everything and there are people laughing that i'm useless"? because, seriously, i do that to instructors i do not respect. fifi anyone?
i know that is not nice, but i do hold my instructors to a certain level. it's like being a gym teacher but never working out...oops, is that too close to home, sil? how about being a cafe employee but refusing to touch the meat because you are vegetarian? or working in a cafe and refusing to clean the bathrooms because you "hate it"? yeah, i worked with twats like that when i first moved here.
all i'm saying is that if i'm going to be an instructor, i have to walk the walk and talk it too. i cant go in there half assed and expect and demand respect. it doesnt work that way. and of course in my mind a fitness instructor is a lean mean fighting machine. well, let me tell you: after this xmas and past month, i'm anything but. my knees are crackin, my shoulders saggin, and whatever else that should be tight is not tight. i have at least 2 to three months of solid clean eating and working out to get to a respectable body shape that i can appreciate and feel confident about. right now wouldnt be the ideal time....
but at the same time, the theory course is at the end of january. it's a 24 hr course jammed into three days. you dont need to DO anything, save study anatomy till your eyes bleed. that's it. so in the meantime i can still go to my classes and eat well and ace the course and still have time to get into good shape for the other ones which are in march and april respectively. theoretically, by the end of the summer, i could be fully certified and onto teaching my own classes come september.
however, it's the practicum that frightens me a bit. do i want to do it at heartbreaker? i love it there, dont get me wrong, but it's the *idea* of working for marla that sets me off. yes, i love her place, but i think she is the kind of person who continually takes until you either snap or quit. i know instructors who were pushed to their max every day with demands, basically running the studio as if it was theirs with no thanks. and i'm the type of girl who has a hard time saying no, so i could see me saying yes to teaching A class 5 days a week, which would suddenly balloon into 15 classes five days a week with weekends thrown in because marla isnt "feeling up to it". no fucking way. i want to enjoy what i do and get a good workout on the side.
at this point i think i could do the three certification classes and see what happens from there. i dont want to get locked into working for marla, that i do know. i'm not sure i want to pimp myself out anywhere else, but i would like the option to choose where i'd like to work. would this become a full time thing? hardly. it would just be a new challenge to embrace and something to keep me motivated to keep on trying.
i still have a few weeks to decide, but honestly, for $200 and one weekend, what could i possibly lose?
Sunday, December 27, 2009
more aloe news
the aloe is continuing to thrive in my kitchen. i just looked at it the other day and the flowering stalk has now bent slightly because it is touching my ceiling in the kitchen. i turned the plant and lo and behold, there are FIVE new sprouts poking through the soil! five!
me thinks it's time for a repotting and relocation to a happier place. i think that tomorrow the xmas tree will come down and furniture will be rearranged in the livingroom and the aloe will move into its permanent home in front of my living room window.
me thinks it's time for a repotting and relocation to a happier place. i think that tomorrow the xmas tree will come down and furniture will be rearranged in the livingroom and the aloe will move into its permanent home in front of my living room window.
reading list
here's my reading list for 2010
oh i know this list is quite short. i'm aware of that. i do want to ensure i read the classics and incorporate them into my regular reading...reading which i sadly do not find time for on a daily basis. that has to change...yes, it does.
- tristram shandy (sterne). had to read it in "the 18thc novel". couldnt get past page 20. seriously, it was terrible. there's part of me that wants to toss it in the fire, but the other part wants to SAY i've read it and mean it. it's a pride thing.
- anna karenina (tolstoy). bought the book on a whim in my "oh i'm a new english major graduate and i've never read this book". started reading it while reading others and quit. it's time to pick it up again.
- ashini (theriault). not a classic per se, but a very interesting french canadian novel about a native displaced. lots of poetic language throughout. easy read. read it in my 2nd year. kept it to read again.
- jude the obscure (hardy). bought for a 19thc novel class in my 2nd year. read part of it, got bored. faked reading it in class. got a b-. not proud. want to finish it.
- anything by the bronte sisters. i took a bronte course in my third year and let me tell you, i loved it. i loved all of their books and stories about the sisters. between them there are 5 novels which are all very good works of literature. i think i've read jane eyre three different times and enjoyed it.
- a suitable boy (seth). three volumes. always stalled out at the first one, despite it being an interesting book. i think the length of it intimidates me. gonna finish it in 2010. dammit.
- david copperfield (dickens). i've owned it for years. cant even remember how or where i acquired it. i dont think i've ever opened it.
- catcher in the rye (salinger). read this one twice and loved it. would continue to read it again and again, much like cat's eye (atwood). that one is a bible of my childhood, i swear.
- to kill a mockingbird (lee). never read it, know i *should*, so i will.
oh i know this list is quite short. i'm aware of that. i do want to ensure i read the classics and incorporate them into my regular reading...reading which i sadly do not find time for on a daily basis. that has to change...yes, it does.
resolutions
i'm going to try to make some resolutions for 2010.
- speak my mind more, but continue to consider feelings
- workout more
- drink only on occasions and not on "hey, it's tuesday, i had a good day" occasions
- gossip less
- think before speaking, contemplating and taking the time to consider without openly volunteering assistance (which always fucking burns me and i'm the one suffering in the end)
- spend more time with family
- take a spanish course or two
- consider taking fitness leadership
- love more
- read classic books. if i'm going to keep them, i may as well read them...if not, toss em.
more strings
during the cruise last year, the family of four was a big pain in the ass. i foresee more problems.
xmas eve was the first time i've seen them since dec 28/08. to be honest, i wasnt missing them and could have gone another yr or longer without visiting with them. even to hear the sil's laughter grates on my nerves.
so yeah, we spent the week bunking beside them. ship walls are thin and we could hear her voice daily as if she was standing in our bedroom.
every night at dinner they'd be late and then pissed off when we'd make their kids sit in between them. in their ideal world (fucking bizarro) they wanted to sit side by side with a kid on either side of them, sandwiched in between an aunt or uncle. and every night, those kids would be left to their own devices. they'd act up, refuse to eat, pull on ch's shirt, or goof off, and if the mother paid any attention to them, it would be to loudly chastise them over every one else's conversation. this would go on every night at supposed five star dinners. we'd watch my nephew refuse to eat his dinner, but would be sure to get two full glasses of chocolate milk, followed by cookies and ice cream at the end. nevermind the nutrition in between, just chock the fucker full of sugar and then complain when he'd act up that you didnt know where he was getting these ideas from and that he's always sooooooo good at dinner. uh huh, riiiiiiiight. fucking kid has never sat through one meal without acting like a little intolerable asshole, so dont give me this shit that he's never behaved like that and you've never seen that before bullshit. assholes.
to top it off, they brought these kids with the expectation that everyone else would be babysitting them. fuck that noise. i'm on vacation and i have zero obligation to them or their kids. you dont see me expecting them to dog sit, so they can pipe right down about babysitting. and because they're stupider than words, they also failed to bring along any entertainment for these kids, just assuming that grandma would tote around games and books for them. of course grandma did, but she is a topic all unto herself and let's just say that she can bitch to high heaven about things, but ultimately, she enables them all to act like useless cunts.
so then on the way home, they didnt bother to arrange seating on the plane so they could sit together. again, it was some shit show with them and attitude pulling if the brother and his wife couldnt share an armrest. they thought it was unfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair that they had to have their kids with them. so we arrive in miami to fly out, ch and his sister pull a huge embarassing freakout and we end up sitting together. or so we think. in the meantime, the other two fucking morons do nothing to arrange their seating and displace ch and i. so there they sat brother and wife together sharing their armrest with the 5yr old beside her. meanwhile, she'd displaced ch and i, as well as his parents who had to look after the 2yr old. and then she pulled attitude when we got pissed because we had arranged all this 9hrs earlier in miami.
so the first words out of my bil's mouth when he got this gift? "hum. well maybe this year we can rearrange the flights because it's not fair that we got separated".
clay, go fuck yourself.
i've told ch that i dont care which flight everyone else is taking, i will NOT fly with them, or if i do, i'm fucking flying first class so that there is ZERO chance they'll be up there taking our prearranged seats.
i cant wait till therapy in 3 weeks. my therapist is going to have a hay day with this.
xmas eve was the first time i've seen them since dec 28/08. to be honest, i wasnt missing them and could have gone another yr or longer without visiting with them. even to hear the sil's laughter grates on my nerves.
so yeah, we spent the week bunking beside them. ship walls are thin and we could hear her voice daily as if she was standing in our bedroom.
every night at dinner they'd be late and then pissed off when we'd make their kids sit in between them. in their ideal world (fucking bizarro) they wanted to sit side by side with a kid on either side of them, sandwiched in between an aunt or uncle. and every night, those kids would be left to their own devices. they'd act up, refuse to eat, pull on ch's shirt, or goof off, and if the mother paid any attention to them, it would be to loudly chastise them over every one else's conversation. this would go on every night at supposed five star dinners. we'd watch my nephew refuse to eat his dinner, but would be sure to get two full glasses of chocolate milk, followed by cookies and ice cream at the end. nevermind the nutrition in between, just chock the fucker full of sugar and then complain when he'd act up that you didnt know where he was getting these ideas from and that he's always sooooooo good at dinner. uh huh, riiiiiiiight. fucking kid has never sat through one meal without acting like a little intolerable asshole, so dont give me this shit that he's never behaved like that and you've never seen that before bullshit. assholes.
to top it off, they brought these kids with the expectation that everyone else would be babysitting them. fuck that noise. i'm on vacation and i have zero obligation to them or their kids. you dont see me expecting them to dog sit, so they can pipe right down about babysitting. and because they're stupider than words, they also failed to bring along any entertainment for these kids, just assuming that grandma would tote around games and books for them. of course grandma did, but she is a topic all unto herself and let's just say that she can bitch to high heaven about things, but ultimately, she enables them all to act like useless cunts.
so then on the way home, they didnt bother to arrange seating on the plane so they could sit together. again, it was some shit show with them and attitude pulling if the brother and his wife couldnt share an armrest. they thought it was unfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair that they had to have their kids with them. so we arrive in miami to fly out, ch and his sister pull a huge embarassing freakout and we end up sitting together. or so we think. in the meantime, the other two fucking morons do nothing to arrange their seating and displace ch and i. so there they sat brother and wife together sharing their armrest with the 5yr old beside her. meanwhile, she'd displaced ch and i, as well as his parents who had to look after the 2yr old. and then she pulled attitude when we got pissed because we had arranged all this 9hrs earlier in miami.
so the first words out of my bil's mouth when he got this gift? "hum. well maybe this year we can rearrange the flights because it's not fair that we got separated".
clay, go fuck yourself.
i've told ch that i dont care which flight everyone else is taking, i will NOT fly with them, or if i do, i'm fucking flying first class so that there is ZERO chance they'll be up there taking our prearranged seats.
i cant wait till therapy in 3 weeks. my therapist is going to have a hay day with this.
gifts with string attached, as always
this xmas the inlaws bought us a gift. specifically, they handed us a card with baited breath and big smiles and waited to see our reactions. inside were the words telling us they wanted to plan another hot family holiday to cancun to an all-inclusive resort.
hey, i love me some all-inclusives. my day goes as such: wake up, shower, hit the bar and then the beach. eat some lunch, hit the bar. swim. hit the bar, lay on the beach. read. gossip. hit the bar. get dressed, hit the restaurant and the bar again for good measure. sleep. wake up, rinse and repeat. yes, i could do that for days on end with no complaints. some people [read: my sister] think that i'm a boring person who is too focussed on the bar, but in the circles i spin, this is all par for the course.
anyway, the inlaws have decided that they want all of us to go to el cid in cancun. more importantly, they want to get two big condos for the 9 of us. the kicker? they want the sil to bunk with them while ch and i bunk with his brother, wife, and the fucking two kids aged 6 and 4. yeah, that's right, they expect the two dinks who dont have kids or patience for said kids to bunk with them. they handed this gift to us and ch's brother, so i think that the sil knew about the gift beforehand and was instrumental in room arrangements. {she'd do anything to make sure SHE slept comfortably without disturbance, all while putting us out...why ch fails to see this selfishness is beyond me. hey, i'm all about self preservation, but she takes it to an all new low.}
jesus christ. right away i said to ch that there'd be NO WAY i'd bunk with the family. as it was on the KROOOOZE last year, the sprogs roomed beside us and neither one of the parents had any common sense to shut those fuckers up at 7 am when they insisted on getting up or rearranging balcony furniture. naturally all our balconies were adjoined so we had the pleasure of them running up and down the balconies at all hours and moving chairs and tables around without picking them up. the noise would echo all down the side of the ship and into our room. i'm not much of a sleeper, but let me just tell you that i appreciated the quiet when we were FINALLY away from those twats.
so the inlaws think we all could take turns babysitting the kids, too. uhm, NO. just because they decide to take these kids does not mean that it's up to me to babysit. but right away, i heard my fil say "oh we could all take turns babysitting"...who's holiday is this? riiiiiiiight, the one with strings attached.
hey, i love me some all-inclusives. my day goes as such: wake up, shower, hit the bar and then the beach. eat some lunch, hit the bar. swim. hit the bar, lay on the beach. read. gossip. hit the bar. get dressed, hit the restaurant and the bar again for good measure. sleep. wake up, rinse and repeat. yes, i could do that for days on end with no complaints. some people [read: my sister] think that i'm a boring person who is too focussed on the bar, but in the circles i spin, this is all par for the course.
anyway, the inlaws have decided that they want all of us to go to el cid in cancun. more importantly, they want to get two big condos for the 9 of us. the kicker? they want the sil to bunk with them while ch and i bunk with his brother, wife, and the fucking two kids aged 6 and 4. yeah, that's right, they expect the two dinks who dont have kids or patience for said kids to bunk with them. they handed this gift to us and ch's brother, so i think that the sil knew about the gift beforehand and was instrumental in room arrangements. {she'd do anything to make sure SHE slept comfortably without disturbance, all while putting us out...why ch fails to see this selfishness is beyond me. hey, i'm all about self preservation, but she takes it to an all new low.}
jesus christ. right away i said to ch that there'd be NO WAY i'd bunk with the family. as it was on the KROOOOZE last year, the sprogs roomed beside us and neither one of the parents had any common sense to shut those fuckers up at 7 am when they insisted on getting up or rearranging balcony furniture. naturally all our balconies were adjoined so we had the pleasure of them running up and down the balconies at all hours and moving chairs and tables around without picking them up. the noise would echo all down the side of the ship and into our room. i'm not much of a sleeper, but let me just tell you that i appreciated the quiet when we were FINALLY away from those twats.
so the inlaws think we all could take turns babysitting the kids, too. uhm, NO. just because they decide to take these kids does not mean that it's up to me to babysit. but right away, i heard my fil say "oh we could all take turns babysitting"...who's holiday is this? riiiiiiiight, the one with strings attached.
all over and done with...for another year
yup, it came and went and there it was. xmas. in a blink of an eye, a flash of tinsel, and a sound of ripping and shredding it's all over, save the returns.
we are not returning anything, fortunately, but i almost have retail withdrawl. pathetic, considering i was in our walmart at least 34957349 times last week.
we spent xmas eve with the inlaws at their insistance...no, persistance. it went ON about how we never visit them etc....uh, you're here at least 2x a month and i see you more than MY parents, ffs.
xmas day was spent here with many bottles of booze and a turkey and stuffing and movies. it was great. the only sadness is that it's all over and done with until next year. but i really loved our alone time and we were both excited for the day.
next year will be a different story...
we are not returning anything, fortunately, but i almost have retail withdrawl. pathetic, considering i was in our walmart at least 34957349 times last week.
we spent xmas eve with the inlaws at their insistance...no, persistance. it went ON about how we never visit them etc....uh, you're here at least 2x a month and i see you more than MY parents, ffs.
xmas day was spent here with many bottles of booze and a turkey and stuffing and movies. it was great. the only sadness is that it's all over and done with until next year. but i really loved our alone time and we were both excited for the day.
next year will be a different story...
Sunday, December 20, 2009
why am i excited for xmas?
i really cant answer that question.
ordinarily, i go into super hermit mode and count down till it's over. this time around, i'm running around with anxiety and counting down till the day.
we are likely laying low here and watching movies and hanging out. i think i'm going to go gung ho and try doing a turkey and all the fixings and i'm getting excited now thinking about it.
that shit aint right.
so yeah, i'm menu planning in my head and wondering if i can pull it off in 4 days or less. i'm already excited with the idea of the house smelling like turkey, perhaps some champagne and good red wine, and playing some games. in my silly imagination i even am wearing my fucking apron and pearls for christ's sake.
i have a desire to create a happy xmas this year. not that xmases in the past have been horrid (with the exception of 2003) but they havent really been memorable. just kinda 'there'.
i just want to pull off a turkey, a fait accompli, and have a nice day vegging out. i think it's possible for now.
ordinarily, i go into super hermit mode and count down till it's over. this time around, i'm running around with anxiety and counting down till the day.
we are likely laying low here and watching movies and hanging out. i think i'm going to go gung ho and try doing a turkey and all the fixings and i'm getting excited now thinking about it.
that shit aint right.
so yeah, i'm menu planning in my head and wondering if i can pull it off in 4 days or less. i'm already excited with the idea of the house smelling like turkey, perhaps some champagne and good red wine, and playing some games. in my silly imagination i even am wearing my fucking apron and pearls for christ's sake.
i have a desire to create a happy xmas this year. not that xmases in the past have been horrid (with the exception of 2003) but they havent really been memorable. just kinda 'there'.
i just want to pull off a turkey, a fait accompli, and have a nice day vegging out. i think it's possible for now.
wants are greater than needs
i want a food processor. it's becoming an obsession of mine. i've determined that in 2010 i'm going to buy myself one. i think it should come in handy when making soups and the like. when i really stop to think about it, i have no idea what else i'd make with it besides soup, but i'm sure i'll find uses.
but pricing one out on the internet? kinda impossible. the bay here is about the best place to find reasonably priced, yet quality housewares. sure, i could go to the fabulous kitchen store downtown, but i'm not a gourmande, so i dont need the top of the line $1000 food processor. i'm looking for a reputable brand and a reasonable price. so anyway, i went to look at the bay.com. there are NO prices there. piss me off. now i'll have to do it the old fashioned way.
i'm starting out looking at the foodnetwork.com for ideas and going from there. lately? i've been in love with the food channel. i can watch hours of it, really, and i find it quite entertaining the way some of them just throw things together and how easy it all looks. one show ("chef at home" http://www.foodnetwork.ca/ontv/shows/Chef-at-Home/show.html?titleid=82664) fascinates me. michael smith can just whip it all up and make it look so delicious and effortless that it's absolutely inspiring. i'd love to be his neighbour, but i think i'd be 300lbs in no time flat.
*tangent*
anyway, the hunt is going to be on for a food processor in 2010. hopefully there are some good sales in the new year.
but pricing one out on the internet? kinda impossible. the bay here is about the best place to find reasonably priced, yet quality housewares. sure, i could go to the fabulous kitchen store downtown, but i'm not a gourmande, so i dont need the top of the line $1000 food processor. i'm looking for a reputable brand and a reasonable price. so anyway, i went to look at the bay.com. there are NO prices there. piss me off. now i'll have to do it the old fashioned way.
i'm starting out looking at the foodnetwork.com for ideas and going from there. lately? i've been in love with the food channel. i can watch hours of it, really, and i find it quite entertaining the way some of them just throw things together and how easy it all looks. one show ("chef at home" http://www.foodnetwork.ca/ontv/shows/Chef-at-Home/show.html?titleid=82664) fascinates me. michael smith can just whip it all up and make it look so delicious and effortless that it's absolutely inspiring. i'd love to be his neighbour, but i think i'd be 300lbs in no time flat.
*tangent*
anyway, the hunt is going to be on for a food processor in 2010. hopefully there are some good sales in the new year.
Friday, December 18, 2009
say it aint so...
is seanachie (the calgary based band) over and done with? i havent seen a web page and i've googled them and all their shit is old...
i hope they havent broken up. i loved their music and had many a great pint listening to gordon...
they were here in the hat in 2004. i wanted them to play at my wedding but they wanted $2000 plus accommodations and travel. uhm, a bit much, dudes. now that i look back tho, i should have spent the money on it. i would have had a blast!
i love those guys...god, i hope they're not broken up...it'll be a sad day in music land if it's true.
i hope they havent broken up. i loved their music and had many a great pint listening to gordon...
they were here in the hat in 2004. i wanted them to play at my wedding but they wanted $2000 plus accommodations and travel. uhm, a bit much, dudes. now that i look back tho, i should have spent the money on it. i would have had a blast!
i love those guys...god, i hope they're not broken up...it'll be a sad day in music land if it's true.
therapy
i had a pretty good session again with james this week. we always talk about the inlaws and the same themes keep reappearing. he's dubbed them the "space invaders" and often the phrase used in dealing with them is "you are dealing with people who JUST.DONT.GET.IT.". he's given me many things to think about, the most recent being that the inlaws dont listen to me, so pouring my heart out to them or expressing opinions is a complete waste of time and energy, that they will just continue to do as they wish when they want, always.
i get very angry when i think of the inlaws and often ruminate on it for hours on end. i can really fire myself up on occasion to the point of where it's all i'll talk about. quite frankly, i hate it, so i can just imagine what others are thinking when i start frothing at the mouth. i bore me, so if i'm boring me, i'm surely boring you. many apologies.
like i said, the same things get discussed and the same topic that we always dance around is how i should accept the inlaws for who they are and accept their behaviour. but to me acceptance goes hand in hand with tolerance, and quite frankly, i can not tolerate how they behave. i have figured in the 30-odd years i've been around the sun (heavy on the "odd"), that i do not want to align myself with people i can not respect. i would rather put more energy in to something or someone when i know i get that energy back. or even doing things freely of my own accord without a heavy dose of guilt thrown in. i hate how i'll just suddenly volunteer to do something for those twits like cook a turkey dinner, and then grouse about it for years on end because i was duped into thinking something that never was the case in the first place. james has taught me not to take bites on lines that are thrown my way, although i have to admit that it's a lesson that is taking me much longer to learn than i had hoped.
i struggle with the acceptance part. it's hard for me to say "oh that's just my mother in law...i dont like it, but it's who she is" and move on. i have a hell of a time doing that. i think it's because i know that i'm stuck with the damned selfish idiots for the rest of my marriage and there is no escape. it makes me feel like a cornered rat at times.
my natural response to anything stressful or irritating is to escape. i'm the kind of girl who relishes being alone and gets recharged from it. in concern to the inlaws, it's damned near impossible to get away from them. they're always butting in at the most inopportune moments, which drives me beyond crazy.
i think part of my goal for 2010 is to learn how to accept people for what they are but remain distant at the same time. if there is a fast track way of doing it (besides all-out avoidance), i'd be happy to hear about it. suggestions welcome!!
i get very angry when i think of the inlaws and often ruminate on it for hours on end. i can really fire myself up on occasion to the point of where it's all i'll talk about. quite frankly, i hate it, so i can just imagine what others are thinking when i start frothing at the mouth. i bore me, so if i'm boring me, i'm surely boring you. many apologies.
like i said, the same things get discussed and the same topic that we always dance around is how i should accept the inlaws for who they are and accept their behaviour. but to me acceptance goes hand in hand with tolerance, and quite frankly, i can not tolerate how they behave. i have figured in the 30-odd years i've been around the sun (heavy on the "odd"), that i do not want to align myself with people i can not respect. i would rather put more energy in to something or someone when i know i get that energy back. or even doing things freely of my own accord without a heavy dose of guilt thrown in. i hate how i'll just suddenly volunteer to do something for those twits like cook a turkey dinner, and then grouse about it for years on end because i was duped into thinking something that never was the case in the first place. james has taught me not to take bites on lines that are thrown my way, although i have to admit that it's a lesson that is taking me much longer to learn than i had hoped.
i struggle with the acceptance part. it's hard for me to say "oh that's just my mother in law...i dont like it, but it's who she is" and move on. i have a hell of a time doing that. i think it's because i know that i'm stuck with the damned selfish idiots for the rest of my marriage and there is no escape. it makes me feel like a cornered rat at times.
my natural response to anything stressful or irritating is to escape. i'm the kind of girl who relishes being alone and gets recharged from it. in concern to the inlaws, it's damned near impossible to get away from them. they're always butting in at the most inopportune moments, which drives me beyond crazy.
i think part of my goal for 2010 is to learn how to accept people for what they are but remain distant at the same time. if there is a fast track way of doing it (besides all-out avoidance), i'd be happy to hear about it. suggestions welcome!!
resolutions?
have you got any new years resolutions?
i'm not sure i do just yet. of course i'm contemplating the whole "i'm not drinking till maui" thing, but that's fairly easy to achieve. of course that will break into pieces if i end up going on a vacation, but otherwise i think i can stick with it.
i am not certain what else to figure out...maybe read more? gossip less? say "i love you" more and mean it? spend time and energy where i get the most out of it? i dont know...all i know is that i have to get back on the fitness wagon, stat!
i'm not sure i do just yet. of course i'm contemplating the whole "i'm not drinking till maui" thing, but that's fairly easy to achieve. of course that will break into pieces if i end up going on a vacation, but otherwise i think i can stick with it.
i am not certain what else to figure out...maybe read more? gossip less? say "i love you" more and mean it? spend time and energy where i get the most out of it? i dont know...all i know is that i have to get back on the fitness wagon, stat!
nye with friends
still trying to keep up with the script that is ever changing...
so far it's the dink group plus a couple others and that's it. it should be a good group of friends and a long night. the shitty part is that they're trying to make it a two day blitz at the rooster's place, but with our dogs it's damned near impossible to stay over longer than 4am. if we were to stay (ideally) at the rooster's place, then we'd have to board the dogs or else hire someone to come and check in on them (not ideal). so for now i suppose that we'll drive out there early-ish and then make and prepare food (because we have absolutely insisted to the rooster that he is NOT making anything --because he goes absolutely crazy and overdoes it every party and he needs to have a break FFS) and then take a taxi home when the time comes.
i think it will be a fun evening with everyone. i'm just a bit sad to miss out on a MB breakkie like we had in kimberley, but i think i'll be ok.
for now i think we have a good mix of people and it will be fun to hit the pool and hot tub and just chill the eff out...only 13 days left!
so far it's the dink group plus a couple others and that's it. it should be a good group of friends and a long night. the shitty part is that they're trying to make it a two day blitz at the rooster's place, but with our dogs it's damned near impossible to stay over longer than 4am. if we were to stay (ideally) at the rooster's place, then we'd have to board the dogs or else hire someone to come and check in on them (not ideal). so for now i suppose that we'll drive out there early-ish and then make and prepare food (because we have absolutely insisted to the rooster that he is NOT making anything --because he goes absolutely crazy and overdoes it every party and he needs to have a break FFS) and then take a taxi home when the time comes.
i think it will be a fun evening with everyone. i'm just a bit sad to miss out on a MB breakkie like we had in kimberley, but i think i'll be ok.
for now i think we have a good mix of people and it will be fun to hit the pool and hot tub and just chill the eff out...only 13 days left!
rummy nog
ok, so i totally broke down and bought egg nog and am consuming it with rum right now. oh, it's tastier than what i remembered...so delicious, but frightening. i've had two already and i know it's like drinking a fucking beef, rice, and vegetable dinner, but worse. ugh. but so damned tasty. i'm just glad that eggnog is a seasonal drink and not available year round. i'd be in some serious shit if it was!!
next blog>>
have you ever hit "next blog>>" at the top of the screen? i find it remarkably interesting to hit that. it's sort of like spinning a wheel. you never know what you'll get, but usually it's crap.
i'm sure that others have stumbled on my blog and wondered WTF and thought it was crap as well. hey, i'm ok with that and i know that you cant please everyone. i could care less what others think.
what kills me is that you'll hit that button and it will be the blog of adventures of the so-in-so family. i suppose because i'm a dink, i could care less about you and your fucking nuclear family of brats and how you made cookies or cleaned the toilet or went tobogganing with pictures attached. gak.
of course nobody really wants to read the ramblings and rantings of a dink with a cynical attitude either...
i'm sure that others have stumbled on my blog and wondered WTF and thought it was crap as well. hey, i'm ok with that and i know that you cant please everyone. i could care less what others think.
what kills me is that you'll hit that button and it will be the blog of adventures of the so-in-so family. i suppose because i'm a dink, i could care less about you and your fucking nuclear family of brats and how you made cookies or cleaned the toilet or went tobogganing with pictures attached. gak.
of course nobody really wants to read the ramblings and rantings of a dink with a cynical attitude either...
adopt a family
so we finally finished off the gifts and groceries. i have to say that when this stuff comes around, ch is an expert shopper. very meticulous and he sticks to the game plan. he's very generous and gets excited over getting groceries for strangers. if only he'd muster up that enthusiasm for our groceries, but it would never happen. i'd never see the guy standing in line for OUR things, but for strangers? hell, he'll stand in line with a big smile on. it's amazing.
so we got the smaller family done on tuesday. spoiled the kids with a dvd player, movies, barbies, and toy trucks. the kids will hopefully have a great christmas.
we just finished the larger family tonight and they were more difficult. the boys who were 16 and 14 got shaving kits that we loaded up with deodorant, body sprays, hair gels, and lotions, as well as hoodies and gift cards to cineplex and hmv. the 15yr old girl got a makeup bag with nail polishes and remover and a few other girly goodies inside, as well as a hoodie and a flat iron. we got her a $25 gift card to la senza. as for the 10 yr old boy, he was the easiest: he wanted games and lego so ch got him clue (which i hate because i can not play it successfully) and various lego contraptions. we loaded 2 carts full of shit for this family and it was a $600 load of stuff. we sincerely hope they're happy and ok for xmas.
all in all, the adopt a family thing is awesome. the only shitty part is delivering the stuff to the families. i could really do without seeing where they live or seeing faces. for now we are just playing it off that we are doing it on behalf of the salvation army and trying to just suggest we're delivering and not responsible for purchasing. if we can distance ourselves from it, it's much better.
charity, in my opinion, is best when it's faceless.
so we got the smaller family done on tuesday. spoiled the kids with a dvd player, movies, barbies, and toy trucks. the kids will hopefully have a great christmas.
we just finished the larger family tonight and they were more difficult. the boys who were 16 and 14 got shaving kits that we loaded up with deodorant, body sprays, hair gels, and lotions, as well as hoodies and gift cards to cineplex and hmv. the 15yr old girl got a makeup bag with nail polishes and remover and a few other girly goodies inside, as well as a hoodie and a flat iron. we got her a $25 gift card to la senza. as for the 10 yr old boy, he was the easiest: he wanted games and lego so ch got him clue (which i hate because i can not play it successfully) and various lego contraptions. we loaded 2 carts full of shit for this family and it was a $600 load of stuff. we sincerely hope they're happy and ok for xmas.
all in all, the adopt a family thing is awesome. the only shitty part is delivering the stuff to the families. i could really do without seeing where they live or seeing faces. for now we are just playing it off that we are doing it on behalf of the salvation army and trying to just suggest we're delivering and not responsible for purchasing. if we can distance ourselves from it, it's much better.
charity, in my opinion, is best when it's faceless.
shopping thoughts
we just spent an exhausting few hours at wal mart. i am embarassed to admit that i've been there more often in the last few weeks than i ever intended to be. in the past i've looked at wm with scorn, but christ, they have deals and you can get damned near everything there under one roof. i really dont like shopping in 75 different places to get three things.
the prices are great, too. i can get 20 bags of groceries for under $200, whereas if i went to safeway, i'd be spending $250 or more for the same items. walmart, despite its tendancy to support the chinese market, has some great deals.
the produce sucks balls tho. safeway is still superior for that kind of stuff. same with the meat. hey if you want a cheap lb of beef to fry up, walmart is great. but if you are looking for decent produce that is local, forget it. you'll never see a tomato or cucumber from redcliff greenhouses, even tho it's 10 mins down the highway.
anyway, i'm happy to report that the shopping should be over with for now. for a little while anyway.
the prices are great, too. i can get 20 bags of groceries for under $200, whereas if i went to safeway, i'd be spending $250 or more for the same items. walmart, despite its tendancy to support the chinese market, has some great deals.
the produce sucks balls tho. safeway is still superior for that kind of stuff. same with the meat. hey if you want a cheap lb of beef to fry up, walmart is great. but if you are looking for decent produce that is local, forget it. you'll never see a tomato or cucumber from redcliff greenhouses, even tho it's 10 mins down the highway.
anyway, i'm happy to report that the shopping should be over with for now. for a little while anyway.
new word to add to your lexicon
the word?
CARGOYLES.
cargoyle [cahr-goil] noun. icy chunk of snow and road debris that falls off your tires in winter. can be kicked off or melts off naturally to form dark chunks of ice. cargoyles exist naturally and prolifically during chinooks.
cargoyles.
thank you, cbc 1010 for the fascinating discussion.
CARGOYLES.
cargoyle [cahr-goil] noun. icy chunk of snow and road debris that falls off your tires in winter. can be kicked off or melts off naturally to form dark chunks of ice. cargoyles exist naturally and prolifically during chinooks.
cargoyles.
thank you, cbc 1010 for the fascinating discussion.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
blargh!
i just spent 3 exhausting hours with the accounting tech trying to figure out and balance our year end. ffs, i'm hating accounting. i think it's time now to chill out and relax....
fitness
i have no idea what january holds in store. i'm getting really sick and tired of the current instructor fifi and i want to never take another class with her again. i was looking on the schedule and she is instructing a 6am bikini class while brandie is doing the 6am boot camp with lea. i dont know this lea person and have no idea what to expect, but i do know brandie and quite honestly, i get sick of her classes. no matter what we do, she always yanks out the step and does shit on it. i hate that and i think it's so incredibly boring. i also can see that the 6am bikini wont fill up and then they'll end up combining classes again and i'll be stuck with that dumb twat fifi again.
i think that heartbreaker has definitely gone down hill in the last 4 months or so since janine left. the instructors left standing are unimaginative and fucking lazy. they repeat the same classes every week and wont work out with us. it's getting to the point where i'm not finding any inspiration at the gym anymore and am just going through the motions. i just worry about being motivated enough to work harder in january. honestly, if it is the way it is now, i wont be able to do it.
i should clarify: there are some good instructors left, but they instruct at times that are not convenient to me. for instance, i do like corey, but she is an evening instructor. i dont mind marla, but she could stop screeching every once in a while. i do like jenny but she only instructs some noon hour classes. if she was doing the full session then i'd definitely pop in, but she only does 2 classes per week.
i am sort of contemplating taking the 8pm bikini with terri ann because i know she is a good instructor and isnt a boring ass and will do things with us. the drawback is that i really dont want to shell out the $250 for a program i already know how to do. i've done 5 bikinis now and i know the drill. i'm not interested in before and after pictures and attending nutrition seminars...i just want to work out and be done with it.
i really dont know where i'm going to go with this. i do know that i really enjoy group fitness and dont want to quit that. sure, i could go get a membership at the Y, but i have this membership at heartbreaker that i have 8 months remaining...i'd like to see it through. yes, i could buy a gym pass to the Y and do classes there, but i hate the idea of starting over when i know what i'm getting already.
my membership is up in 8 months. there will be other options out there such as temple fitness. my buddy rhonda works out there and she is in great shape. shane does have a good place and kick ass classes...again, it's starting all over again that bothers me. janine's place is always an option. i do really love and miss her classes and wouldnt mind going there, but mike is such a dork that i dont think i want to give my business to him....
i guess i have 8 months to figure it all out. i just hope that i can find the right solution by then.
i think that heartbreaker has definitely gone down hill in the last 4 months or so since janine left. the instructors left standing are unimaginative and fucking lazy. they repeat the same classes every week and wont work out with us. it's getting to the point where i'm not finding any inspiration at the gym anymore and am just going through the motions. i just worry about being motivated enough to work harder in january. honestly, if it is the way it is now, i wont be able to do it.
i should clarify: there are some good instructors left, but they instruct at times that are not convenient to me. for instance, i do like corey, but she is an evening instructor. i dont mind marla, but she could stop screeching every once in a while. i do like jenny but she only instructs some noon hour classes. if she was doing the full session then i'd definitely pop in, but she only does 2 classes per week.
i am sort of contemplating taking the 8pm bikini with terri ann because i know she is a good instructor and isnt a boring ass and will do things with us. the drawback is that i really dont want to shell out the $250 for a program i already know how to do. i've done 5 bikinis now and i know the drill. i'm not interested in before and after pictures and attending nutrition seminars...i just want to work out and be done with it.
i really dont know where i'm going to go with this. i do know that i really enjoy group fitness and dont want to quit that. sure, i could go get a membership at the Y, but i have this membership at heartbreaker that i have 8 months remaining...i'd like to see it through. yes, i could buy a gym pass to the Y and do classes there, but i hate the idea of starting over when i know what i'm getting already.
my membership is up in 8 months. there will be other options out there such as temple fitness. my buddy rhonda works out there and she is in great shape. shane does have a good place and kick ass classes...again, it's starting all over again that bothers me. janine's place is always an option. i do really love and miss her classes and wouldnt mind going there, but mike is such a dork that i dont think i want to give my business to him....
i guess i have 8 months to figure it all out. i just hope that i can find the right solution by then.
lazy
oh i've been lazy in terms of fitness. i've gotta get on the wagon again.
my knees are still very sore. the other day i went and bought glucosamine and i've been taking 1000mg in hopes that i'll eventually stop sounding like a granny every time i sit down or attempt the stairs.
i've decided that i'm going to only 1 legs class per week. today i slept in because it was plyo and pyramid, which means a lot of lunges, burpees, and squats all fucking class long. even in warmups i feel my knees twinge. i got a serious twinge monday morning that i didnt like.
yesterday i woke up with a lower back ache and i cant figure out where it came from. monday was bagshaw and no back exercises and tuesday was boxing, so god only knows why my back is so sore. it is still sore today...fuck. i was also beat right down on tuesday and so much so that i was falling asleep on the couch at 7pm.
tomorrow's class is arms, a step n sculpt class, so it should be a good one. from there we only have 2 classes next week and then we're off till the 28th. should be a good break.
my knees are still very sore. the other day i went and bought glucosamine and i've been taking 1000mg in hopes that i'll eventually stop sounding like a granny every time i sit down or attempt the stairs.
i've decided that i'm going to only 1 legs class per week. today i slept in because it was plyo and pyramid, which means a lot of lunges, burpees, and squats all fucking class long. even in warmups i feel my knees twinge. i got a serious twinge monday morning that i didnt like.
yesterday i woke up with a lower back ache and i cant figure out where it came from. monday was bagshaw and no back exercises and tuesday was boxing, so god only knows why my back is so sore. it is still sore today...fuck. i was also beat right down on tuesday and so much so that i was falling asleep on the couch at 7pm.
tomorrow's class is arms, a step n sculpt class, so it should be a good one. from there we only have 2 classes next week and then we're off till the 28th. should be a good break.
in unrelated news...
adjacent to the previous post...
the sil told me a few weeks ago that she is graduating from her last chance masters course and wants to go somewhere special for xmas next year.
that special place? hawaii.
ok it's a nice enough place, but boring as fuck. why not go somewhere like mexico where it's all inclusive and nice and hot and somewhere you've never been before?? but she is boring as shit and insists on repetively going places she's already seen, so it's hardly a surprise she'd pick reliable boring hawaii.
and i know her ploy: she's trying to make it a family vacation. she'll never go by herself and spend xmas alone. nay, she will say she wants to go to hawaii and know that her parents will never A) let her pay her own way there or B) go alone and spend xmas by herself, so she knows that if she puts the hints out enough that they will cave and that's where everyone will spend xmas.
so i casually state this to ch and he gets excited. fuck, go figure. so she will get her way again.
the sil told me a few weeks ago that she is graduating from her last chance masters course and wants to go somewhere special for xmas next year.
that special place? hawaii.
ok it's a nice enough place, but boring as fuck. why not go somewhere like mexico where it's all inclusive and nice and hot and somewhere you've never been before?? but she is boring as shit and insists on repetively going places she's already seen, so it's hardly a surprise she'd pick reliable boring hawaii.
and i know her ploy: she's trying to make it a family vacation. she'll never go by herself and spend xmas alone. nay, she will say she wants to go to hawaii and know that her parents will never A) let her pay her own way there or B) go alone and spend xmas by herself, so she knows that if she puts the hints out enough that they will cave and that's where everyone will spend xmas.
so i casually state this to ch and he gets excited. fuck, go figure. so she will get her way again.
noise inside my head
seriously december is a noisy time in my head. it's a time where i'm always preoccupied with avoidance. avoiding my parents, his parents, everyone. i really want to do what I want to do, but nobody respects that.
every christmas, ch and i want to be alone. in years past, his family has always dominated every xmas. it was always about them, whether it was at grandpa matt's house or at their house in yyc, it was always us and them. and "them" was always the sil too in all her annoying glory. the one year we went to lethbridge, it was a fucking epic. how DARE we go and visit MYYYYY parents and not them. i swear, the world tilted on its axis the day we spent xmas with my family and not them. there was a lot of whining. the sil even tried her best to get us to change our mind by telling us that sheeeeeee was going to be all alone and that she'd have nobody to spend xmas with; her little ploy to get ch to cancel our plans. it was like that last thanksgiving where she went on that mom and dad were leaving her and so i FOOLISHLY volunteered to cook a turkey. that night at dinner she announced that she was having twooooo turkeys that thanksgiving and would be going to mom and dad's the next night...all a ploy. so the year we went to my parents' she tried pulling that stunt and ch bit and told her she could come along. funnily enough, the mil said she'd never leave the sil alone and they werent going anywhere...huh. funny how that is, isnt it?
in 2007 we decided to stay here for xmas and do nothing. we had fun doing our own thing and went to a boxing day party. that wasnt good enough for the inlaws; they had to make sure they got us at xmas and bought a cruise for us for the next year over xmas. this year we are trying hard to stay here and the sil talked to ch last night and told him that mommy is making a turkey on the 25 for whoever shows up, and when he expressed disinterest and said we were not sure what we were doing, she switched gears and said that she then would have mommy and daddy here and cook a turkey and we could go to her house. for fuck's sake. so apparently he said that we werent sure WHERE we'd be on xmas and to not do that. well, we'll see about that. i'm pretty sure she will do what she can (read: MANIPULATE) to make sure she gets xmas with ch.
the one year that we did see my parents, she told me, ''you just have to understand: i havent had a xmas without ch in 26 yrs"...fuck off you stupid c*nt.
every christmas, ch and i want to be alone. in years past, his family has always dominated every xmas. it was always about them, whether it was at grandpa matt's house or at their house in yyc, it was always us and them. and "them" was always the sil too in all her annoying glory. the one year we went to lethbridge, it was a fucking epic. how DARE we go and visit MYYYYY parents and not them. i swear, the world tilted on its axis the day we spent xmas with my family and not them. there was a lot of whining. the sil even tried her best to get us to change our mind by telling us that sheeeeeee was going to be all alone and that she'd have nobody to spend xmas with; her little ploy to get ch to cancel our plans. it was like that last thanksgiving where she went on that mom and dad were leaving her and so i FOOLISHLY volunteered to cook a turkey. that night at dinner she announced that she was having twooooo turkeys that thanksgiving and would be going to mom and dad's the next night...all a ploy. so the year we went to my parents' she tried pulling that stunt and ch bit and told her she could come along. funnily enough, the mil said she'd never leave the sil alone and they werent going anywhere...huh. funny how that is, isnt it?
in 2007 we decided to stay here for xmas and do nothing. we had fun doing our own thing and went to a boxing day party. that wasnt good enough for the inlaws; they had to make sure they got us at xmas and bought a cruise for us for the next year over xmas. this year we are trying hard to stay here and the sil talked to ch last night and told him that mommy is making a turkey on the 25 for whoever shows up, and when he expressed disinterest and said we were not sure what we were doing, she switched gears and said that she then would have mommy and daddy here and cook a turkey and we could go to her house. for fuck's sake. so apparently he said that we werent sure WHERE we'd be on xmas and to not do that. well, we'll see about that. i'm pretty sure she will do what she can (read: MANIPULATE) to make sure she gets xmas with ch.
the one year that we did see my parents, she told me, ''you just have to understand: i havent had a xmas without ch in 26 yrs"...fuck off you stupid c*nt.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
December busyness makes way for January cutbacks
december is going to be a rough month in terms of my diet:
~~we have a radio station party friday night and ch wants me to go to a hockey game with him afterward...hockey=zzzzzzzzzzzzzz to me, so it will mean beer to get me through. after the game, he wants to go to rossco's...i want to go there too, which frightens me because i know that i wont stop at one. sometimes i have to fight with myself and alienate myself from drinking in order to stay on the straight and narrow.
~~saturday is a kin bus trip to yql to watch another hockey game. jesus, i know that i'll be bored stupid...and that's where beer comes in. thank god for beer somedays. i know that the trip will be a gong show before i even get to the game. i'm hoping to keep it between the ditches and bitches that night.
~~saturday the 12th is another hockey road trip to yyc to go to the molson box. this time around, beer wont be consumed in the jetta en route to the game, which will cut back the stupidity. i hope
~~the 18th is a kinsmen executive party at the ponderosa and it is a legendary gong show which i fully intend to skip but have been hammered by ch and co to attend out of duty because he is the president.
~~the 26th is an annual darts tourney at our friends' house full of beer and frivolity
~~the 31st is the new years party at the ponderosa...pool and hot tub party for the select few invitees.
december is just shaping up to be a gong show in terms of fitness...i am going to have to work extra hard in january, ffs.
~~we have a radio station party friday night and ch wants me to go to a hockey game with him afterward...hockey=zzzzzzzzzzzzzz to me, so it will mean beer to get me through. after the game, he wants to go to rossco's...i want to go there too, which frightens me because i know that i wont stop at one. sometimes i have to fight with myself and alienate myself from drinking in order to stay on the straight and narrow.
~~saturday is a kin bus trip to yql to watch another hockey game. jesus, i know that i'll be bored stupid...and that's where beer comes in. thank god for beer somedays. i know that the trip will be a gong show before i even get to the game. i'm hoping to keep it between the ditches and bitches that night.
~~saturday the 12th is another hockey road trip to yyc to go to the molson box. this time around, beer wont be consumed in the jetta en route to the game, which will cut back the stupidity. i hope
~~the 18th is a kinsmen executive party at the ponderosa and it is a legendary gong show which i fully intend to skip but have been hammered by ch and co to attend out of duty because he is the president.
~~the 26th is an annual darts tourney at our friends' house full of beer and frivolity
~~the 31st is the new years party at the ponderosa...pool and hot tub party for the select few invitees.
december is just shaping up to be a gong show in terms of fitness...i am going to have to work extra hard in january, ffs.
Coffee talk
i still havent had caffiene yet. ok, i have had it in the form of diet soda but i have not willingly purchased or consumed a coffee with caffiene in it. one day i couldnt resist and bought a decaf latte, but it was decaf. big step for me. this is coming from the girl who drank nearly a pot of full on caffiene a day. i was going through a pound of coffee a week! it's a wonder i wasnt getting headaches and major withdrawl symptoms, however if i experienced them, they were obviously so minor they didnt warrant any concern. my full on daily coffee pot consumption habit was probably a year or two in the making.
i found that coffee made me too twitchy but there are afternoons where i utterly crave it. today i went out and ran errands and passed by the drive through starbucks and sighed. oh how it would have been great to drink a decaf latte with sugar free caramel!! even now i think about it and drool a bit.
i'm really not sure why i'm punishing myself in this manner. i should just switch back to caffiene and be done with it, but in a way it's that stupid stubborn trait i have to do exactly the opposite of what i desire. i dont know why i do that. it's not like i'm going to win a medal for not drinking coffee. nobody cares, ffs. it's just a self-driven desire to hold back on one thing.
and really, of all the things that are bad for me in my life, coffee is the least harmful. if only i could adopt that stance with beer.
sigh.
i found that coffee made me too twitchy but there are afternoons where i utterly crave it. today i went out and ran errands and passed by the drive through starbucks and sighed. oh how it would have been great to drink a decaf latte with sugar free caramel!! even now i think about it and drool a bit.
i'm really not sure why i'm punishing myself in this manner. i should just switch back to caffiene and be done with it, but in a way it's that stupid stubborn trait i have to do exactly the opposite of what i desire. i dont know why i do that. it's not like i'm going to win a medal for not drinking coffee. nobody cares, ffs. it's just a self-driven desire to hold back on one thing.
and really, of all the things that are bad for me in my life, coffee is the least harmful. if only i could adopt that stance with beer.
sigh.
Cravings
right now i'm craving chips, dip, beer and clam. it's that nagging niggling little asshole on my shoulder telling me i have to eat this stuff or die.
sometimes i find cravings almost too hard to overcome, hence the struggles i've had with weight for a decade and a half or more now. going to the gym helps, yes, but it's not everything.
i've been told that diet is 80% of it, physical activity is a mere 10%, and the rest is genetics. it's startling. i'm sure the number of people walking into a gym and then out to mcdonald's would fall over if they knew those facts. (facts which are unsubstantiated, mind you, but told to me during a nutrition session).
i have found the correlation between eating well and exercise. all it takes is one weekend of utter wild abandonment to feel the results come monday morning at 6am. i'm sluggish, tired, and achy and watch the clock endlessly. if i eat better, i have more energy.
when i ate just chicken and rice and limited my sugars, i felt pretty good then too. i think it's going to come to that sooner rather than later in order to prepare for maui.
sometimes i find cravings almost too hard to overcome, hence the struggles i've had with weight for a decade and a half or more now. going to the gym helps, yes, but it's not everything.
i've been told that diet is 80% of it, physical activity is a mere 10%, and the rest is genetics. it's startling. i'm sure the number of people walking into a gym and then out to mcdonald's would fall over if they knew those facts. (facts which are unsubstantiated, mind you, but told to me during a nutrition session).
i have found the correlation between eating well and exercise. all it takes is one weekend of utter wild abandonment to feel the results come monday morning at 6am. i'm sluggish, tired, and achy and watch the clock endlessly. if i eat better, i have more energy.
when i ate just chicken and rice and limited my sugars, i felt pretty good then too. i think it's going to come to that sooner rather than later in order to prepare for maui.
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i'm contemplating taking my fitness leadership certification in 2010.
four courses are required : exercise theory, group exercise fundamentals, resistance training, and a minimum of 44hrs of in class practicum.
i'm not gaga about the in class practicum. as a matter of fact, i'm really not excited to get up in front of the class and don a microphone and sweat and show my ass off for the world to see. too many anxieties over it, namely the whole "what if i cant DO everything and there are people laughing that i'm useless"? because, seriously, i do that to instructors i do not respect. fifi anyone?
i know that is not nice, but i do hold my instructors to a certain level. it's like being a gym teacher but never working out...oops, is that too close to home, sil? how about being a cafe employee but refusing to touch the meat because you are vegetarian? or working in a cafe and refusing to clean the bathrooms because you "hate it"? yeah, i worked with twats like that when i first moved here.
all i'm saying is that if i'm going to be an instructor, i have to walk the walk and talk it too. i cant go in there half assed and expect and demand respect. it doesnt work that way. and of course in my mind a fitness instructor is a lean mean fighting machine. well, let me tell you: after this xmas and past month, i'm anything but. my knees are crackin, my shoulders saggin, and whatever else that should be tight is not tight. i have at least 2 to three months of solid clean eating and working out to get to a respectable body shape that i can appreciate and feel confident about. right now wouldnt be the ideal time....
but at the same time, the theory course is at the end of january. it's a 24 hr course jammed into three days. you dont need to DO anything, save study anatomy till your eyes bleed. that's it. so in the meantime i can still go to my classes and eat well and ace the course and still have time to get into good shape for the other ones which are in march and april respectively. theoretically, by the end of the summer, i could be fully certified and onto teaching my own classes come september.
however, it's the practicum that frightens me a bit. do i want to do it at heartbreaker? i love it there, dont get me wrong, but it's the *idea* of working for marla that sets me off. yes, i love her place, but i think she is the kind of person who continually takes until you either snap or quit. i know instructors who were pushed to their max every day with demands, basically running the studio as if it was theirs with no thanks. and i'm the type of girl who has a hard time saying no, so i could see me saying yes to teaching A class 5 days a week, which would suddenly balloon into 15 classes five days a week with weekends thrown in because marla isnt "feeling up to it". no fucking way. i want to enjoy what i do and get a good workout on the side.
at this point i think i could do the three certification classes and see what happens from there. i dont want to get locked into working for marla, that i do know. i'm not sure i want to pimp myself out anywhere else, but i would like the option to choose where i'd like to work. would this become a full time thing? hardly. it would just be a new challenge to embrace and something to keep me motivated to keep on trying.
i still have a few weeks to decide, but honestly, for $200 and one weekend, what could i possibly lose?
the aloe is continuing to thrive in my kitchen. i just looked at it the other day and the flowering stalk has now bent slightly because it is touching my ceiling in the kitchen. i turned the plant and lo and behold, there are FIVE new sprouts poking through the soil! five!
me thinks it's time for a repotting and relocation to a happier place. i think that tomorrow the xmas tree will come down and furniture will be rearranged in the livingroom and the aloe will move into its permanent home in front of my living room window.
here's my reading list for 2010
- tristram shandy (sterne). had to read it in "the 18thc novel". couldnt get past page 20. seriously, it was terrible. there's part of me that wants to toss it in the fire, but the other part wants to SAY i've read it and mean it. it's a pride thing.
- anna karenina (tolstoy). bought the book on a whim in my "oh i'm a new english major graduate and i've never read this book". started reading it while reading others and quit. it's time to pick it up again.
- ashini (theriault). not a classic per se, but a very interesting french canadian novel about a native displaced. lots of poetic language throughout. easy read. read it in my 2nd year. kept it to read again.
- jude the obscure (hardy). bought for a 19thc novel class in my 2nd year. read part of it, got bored. faked reading it in class. got a b-. not proud. want to finish it.
- anything by the bronte sisters. i took a bronte course in my third year and let me tell you, i loved it. i loved all of their books and stories about the sisters. between them there are 5 novels which are all very good works of literature. i think i've read jane eyre three different times and enjoyed it.
- a suitable boy (seth). three volumes. always stalled out at the first one, despite it being an interesting book. i think the length of it intimidates me. gonna finish it in 2010. dammit.
- david copperfield (dickens). i've owned it for years. cant even remember how or where i acquired it. i dont think i've ever opened it.
- catcher in the rye (salinger). read this one twice and loved it. would continue to read it again and again, much like cat's eye (atwood). that one is a bible of my childhood, i swear.
- to kill a mockingbird (lee). never read it, know i *should*, so i will.
oh i know this list is quite short. i'm aware of that. i do want to ensure i read the classics and incorporate them into my regular reading...reading which i sadly do not find time for on a daily basis. that has to change...yes, it does.
i'm going to try to make some resolutions for 2010.
- speak my mind more, but continue to consider feelings
- workout more
- drink only on occasions and not on "hey, it's tuesday, i had a good day" occasions
- gossip less
- think before speaking, contemplating and taking the time to consider without openly volunteering assistance (which always fucking burns me and i'm the one suffering in the end)
- spend more time with family
- take a spanish course or two
- consider taking fitness leadership
- love more
- read classic books. if i'm going to keep them, i may as well read them...if not, toss em.
during the cruise last year, the family of four was a big pain in the ass. i foresee more problems.
xmas eve was the first time i've seen them since dec 28/08. to be honest, i wasnt missing them and could have gone another yr or longer without visiting with them. even to hear the sil's laughter grates on my nerves.
so yeah, we spent the week bunking beside them. ship walls are thin and we could hear her voice daily as if she was standing in our bedroom.
every night at dinner they'd be late and then pissed off when we'd make their kids sit in between them. in their ideal world (fucking bizarro) they wanted to sit side by side with a kid on either side of them, sandwiched in between an aunt or uncle. and every night, those kids would be left to their own devices. they'd act up, refuse to eat, pull on ch's shirt, or goof off, and if the mother paid any attention to them, it would be to loudly chastise them over every one else's conversation. this would go on every night at supposed five star dinners. we'd watch my nephew refuse to eat his dinner, but would be sure to get two full glasses of chocolate milk, followed by cookies and ice cream at the end. nevermind the nutrition in between, just chock the fucker full of sugar and then complain when he'd act up that you didnt know where he was getting these ideas from and that he's always sooooooo good at dinner. uh huh, riiiiiiiight. fucking kid has never sat through one meal without acting like a little intolerable asshole, so dont give me this shit that he's never behaved like that and you've never seen that before bullshit. assholes.
to top it off, they brought these kids with the expectation that everyone else would be babysitting them. fuck that noise. i'm on vacation and i have zero obligation to them or their kids. you dont see me expecting them to dog sit, so they can pipe right down about babysitting. and because they're stupider than words, they also failed to bring along any entertainment for these kids, just assuming that grandma would tote around games and books for them. of course grandma did, but she is a topic all unto herself and let's just say that she can bitch to high heaven about things, but ultimately, she enables them all to act like useless cunts.
so then on the way home, they didnt bother to arrange seating on the plane so they could sit together. again, it was some shit show with them and attitude pulling if the brother and his wife couldnt share an armrest. they thought it was unfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair that they had to have their kids with them. so we arrive in miami to fly out, ch and his sister pull a huge embarassing freakout and we end up sitting together. or so we think. in the meantime, the other two fucking morons do nothing to arrange their seating and displace ch and i. so there they sat brother and wife together sharing their armrest with the 5yr old beside her. meanwhile, she'd displaced ch and i, as well as his parents who had to look after the 2yr old. and then she pulled attitude when we got pissed because we had arranged all this 9hrs earlier in miami.
so the first words out of my bil's mouth when he got this gift? "hum. well maybe this year we can rearrange the flights because it's not fair that we got separated".
clay, go fuck yourself.
i've told ch that i dont care which flight everyone else is taking, i will NOT fly with them, or if i do, i'm fucking flying first class so that there is ZERO chance they'll be up there taking our prearranged seats.
i cant wait till therapy in 3 weeks. my therapist is going to have a hay day with this.
this xmas the inlaws bought us a gift. specifically, they handed us a card with baited breath and big smiles and waited to see our reactions. inside were the words telling us they wanted to plan another hot family holiday to cancun to an all-inclusive resort.
hey, i love me some all-inclusives. my day goes as such: wake up, shower, hit the bar and then the beach. eat some lunch, hit the bar. swim. hit the bar, lay on the beach. read. gossip. hit the bar. get dressed, hit the restaurant and the bar again for good measure. sleep. wake up, rinse and repeat. yes, i could do that for days on end with no complaints. some people [read: my sister] think that i'm a boring person who is too focussed on the bar, but in the circles i spin, this is all par for the course.
anyway, the inlaws have decided that they want all of us to go to el cid in cancun. more importantly, they want to get two big condos for the 9 of us. the kicker? they want the sil to bunk with them while ch and i bunk with his brother, wife, and the fucking two kids aged 6 and 4. yeah, that's right, they expect the two dinks who dont have kids or patience for said kids to bunk with them. they handed this gift to us and ch's brother, so i think that the sil knew about the gift beforehand and was instrumental in room arrangements. {she'd do anything to make sure SHE slept comfortably without disturbance, all while putting us out...why ch fails to see this selfishness is beyond me. hey, i'm all about self preservation, but she takes it to an all new low.}
jesus christ. right away i said to ch that there'd be NO WAY i'd bunk with the family. as it was on the KROOOOZE last year, the sprogs roomed beside us and neither one of the parents had any common sense to shut those fuckers up at 7 am when they insisted on getting up or rearranging balcony furniture. naturally all our balconies were adjoined so we had the pleasure of them running up and down the balconies at all hours and moving chairs and tables around without picking them up. the noise would echo all down the side of the ship and into our room. i'm not much of a sleeper, but let me just tell you that i appreciated the quiet when we were FINALLY away from those twats.
so the inlaws think we all could take turns babysitting the kids, too. uhm, NO. just because they decide to take these kids does not mean that it's up to me to babysit. but right away, i heard my fil say "oh we could all take turns babysitting"...who's holiday is this? riiiiiiiight, the one with strings attached.
yup, it came and went and there it was. xmas. in a blink of an eye, a flash of tinsel, and a sound of ripping and shredding it's all over, save the returns.
we are not returning anything, fortunately, but i almost have retail withdrawl. pathetic, considering i was in our walmart at least 34957349 times last week.
we spent xmas eve with the inlaws at their insistance...no, persistance. it went ON about how we never visit them etc....uh, you're here at least 2x a month and i see you more than MY parents, ffs.
xmas day was spent here with many bottles of booze and a turkey and stuffing and movies. it was great. the only sadness is that it's all over and done with until next year. but i really loved our alone time and we were both excited for the day.
next year will be a different story...
i really cant answer that question.
ordinarily, i go into super hermit mode and count down till it's over. this time around, i'm running around with anxiety and counting down till the day.
we are likely laying low here and watching movies and hanging out. i think i'm going to go gung ho and try doing a turkey and all the fixings and i'm getting excited now thinking about it.
that shit aint right.
so yeah, i'm menu planning in my head and wondering if i can pull it off in 4 days or less. i'm already excited with the idea of the house smelling like turkey, perhaps some champagne and good red wine, and playing some games. in my silly imagination i even am wearing my fucking apron and pearls for christ's sake.
i have a desire to create a happy xmas this year. not that xmases in the past have been horrid (with the exception of 2003) but they havent really been memorable. just kinda 'there'.
i just want to pull off a turkey, a fait accompli, and have a nice day vegging out. i think it's possible for now.
i want a food processor. it's becoming an obsession of mine. i've determined that in 2010 i'm going to buy myself one. i think it should come in handy when making soups and the like. when i really stop to think about it, i have no idea what else i'd make with it besides soup, but i'm sure i'll find uses.
but pricing one out on the internet? kinda impossible. the bay here is about the best place to find reasonably priced, yet quality housewares. sure, i could go to the fabulous kitchen store downtown, but i'm not a gourmande, so i dont need the top of the line $1000 food processor. i'm looking for a reputable brand and a reasonable price. so anyway, i went to look at the bay.com. there are NO prices there. piss me off. now i'll have to do it the old fashioned way.
i'm starting out looking at the foodnetwork.com for ideas and going from there. lately? i've been in love with the food channel. i can watch hours of it, really, and i find it quite entertaining the way some of them just throw things together and how easy it all looks. one show ("chef at home" http://www.foodnetwork.ca/ontv/shows/Chef-at-Home/show.html?titleid=82664) fascinates me. michael smith can just whip it all up and make it look so delicious and effortless that it's absolutely inspiring. i'd love to be his neighbour, but i think i'd be 300lbs in no time flat.
*tangent*
anyway, the hunt is going to be on for a food processor in 2010. hopefully there are some good sales in the new year.
is seanachie (the calgary based band) over and done with? i havent seen a web page and i've googled them and all their shit is old...
i hope they havent broken up. i loved their music and had many a great pint listening to gordon...
they were here in the hat in 2004. i wanted them to play at my wedding but they wanted $2000 plus accommodations and travel. uhm, a bit much, dudes. now that i look back tho, i should have spent the money on it. i would have had a blast!
i love those guys...god, i hope they're not broken up...it'll be a sad day in music land if it's true.
i had a pretty good session again with james this week. we always talk about the inlaws and the same themes keep reappearing. he's dubbed them the "space invaders" and often the phrase used in dealing with them is "you are dealing with people who JUST.DONT.GET.IT.". he's given me many things to think about, the most recent being that the inlaws dont listen to me, so pouring my heart out to them or expressing opinions is a complete waste of time and energy, that they will just continue to do as they wish when they want, always.
i get very angry when i think of the inlaws and often ruminate on it for hours on end. i can really fire myself up on occasion to the point of where it's all i'll talk about. quite frankly, i hate it, so i can just imagine what others are thinking when i start frothing at the mouth. i bore me, so if i'm boring me, i'm surely boring you. many apologies.
like i said, the same things get discussed and the same topic that we always dance around is how i should accept the inlaws for who they are and accept their behaviour. but to me acceptance goes hand in hand with tolerance, and quite frankly, i can not tolerate how they behave. i have figured in the 30-odd years i've been around the sun (heavy on the "odd"), that i do not want to align myself with people i can not respect. i would rather put more energy in to something or someone when i know i get that energy back. or even doing things freely of my own accord without a heavy dose of guilt thrown in. i hate how i'll just suddenly volunteer to do something for those twits like cook a turkey dinner, and then grouse about it for years on end because i was duped into thinking something that never was the case in the first place. james has taught me not to take bites on lines that are thrown my way, although i have to admit that it's a lesson that is taking me much longer to learn than i had hoped.
i struggle with the acceptance part. it's hard for me to say "oh that's just my mother in law...i dont like it, but it's who she is" and move on. i have a hell of a time doing that. i think it's because i know that i'm stuck with the damned selfish idiots for the rest of my marriage and there is no escape. it makes me feel like a cornered rat at times.
my natural response to anything stressful or irritating is to escape. i'm the kind of girl who relishes being alone and gets recharged from it. in concern to the inlaws, it's damned near impossible to get away from them. they're always butting in at the most inopportune moments, which drives me beyond crazy.
i think part of my goal for 2010 is to learn how to accept people for what they are but remain distant at the same time. if there is a fast track way of doing it (besides all-out avoidance), i'd be happy to hear about it. suggestions welcome!!
have you got any new years resolutions?
i'm not sure i do just yet. of course i'm contemplating the whole "i'm not drinking till maui" thing, but that's fairly easy to achieve. of course that will break into pieces if i end up going on a vacation, but otherwise i think i can stick with it.
i am not certain what else to figure out...maybe read more? gossip less? say "i love you" more and mean it? spend time and energy where i get the most out of it? i dont know...all i know is that i have to get back on the fitness wagon, stat!
still trying to keep up with the script that is ever changing...
so far it's the dink group plus a couple others and that's it. it should be a good group of friends and a long night. the shitty part is that they're trying to make it a two day blitz at the rooster's place, but with our dogs it's damned near impossible to stay over longer than 4am. if we were to stay (ideally) at the rooster's place, then we'd have to board the dogs or else hire someone to come and check in on them (not ideal). so for now i suppose that we'll drive out there early-ish and then make and prepare food (because we have absolutely insisted to the rooster that he is NOT making anything --because he goes absolutely crazy and overdoes it every party and he needs to have a break FFS) and then take a taxi home when the time comes.
i think it will be a fun evening with everyone. i'm just a bit sad to miss out on a MB breakkie like we had in kimberley, but i think i'll be ok.
for now i think we have a good mix of people and it will be fun to hit the pool and hot tub and just chill the eff out...only 13 days left!
ok, so i totally broke down and bought egg nog and am consuming it with rum right now. oh, it's tastier than what i remembered...so delicious, but frightening. i've had two already and i know it's like drinking a fucking beef, rice, and vegetable dinner, but worse. ugh. but so damned tasty. i'm just glad that eggnog is a seasonal drink and not available year round. i'd be in some serious shit if it was!!
have you ever hit "next blog>>" at the top of the screen? i find it remarkably interesting to hit that. it's sort of like spinning a wheel. you never know what you'll get, but usually it's crap.
i'm sure that others have stumbled on my blog and wondered WTF and thought it was crap as well. hey, i'm ok with that and i know that you cant please everyone. i could care less what others think.
what kills me is that you'll hit that button and it will be the blog of adventures of the so-in-so family. i suppose because i'm a dink, i could care less about you and your fucking nuclear family of brats and how you made cookies or cleaned the toilet or went tobogganing with pictures attached. gak.
of course nobody really wants to read the ramblings and rantings of a dink with a cynical attitude either...
so we finally finished off the gifts and groceries. i have to say that when this stuff comes around, ch is an expert shopper. very meticulous and he sticks to the game plan. he's very generous and gets excited over getting groceries for strangers. if only he'd muster up that enthusiasm for our groceries, but it would never happen. i'd never see the guy standing in line for OUR things, but for strangers? hell, he'll stand in line with a big smile on. it's amazing.
so we got the smaller family done on tuesday. spoiled the kids with a dvd player, movies, barbies, and toy trucks. the kids will hopefully have a great christmas.
we just finished the larger family tonight and they were more difficult. the boys who were 16 and 14 got shaving kits that we loaded up with deodorant, body sprays, hair gels, and lotions, as well as hoodies and gift cards to cineplex and hmv. the 15yr old girl got a makeup bag with nail polishes and remover and a few other girly goodies inside, as well as a hoodie and a flat iron. we got her a $25 gift card to la senza. as for the 10 yr old boy, he was the easiest: he wanted games and lego so ch got him clue (which i hate because i can not play it successfully) and various lego contraptions. we loaded 2 carts full of shit for this family and it was a $600 load of stuff. we sincerely hope they're happy and ok for xmas.
all in all, the adopt a family thing is awesome. the only shitty part is delivering the stuff to the families. i could really do without seeing where they live or seeing faces. for now we are just playing it off that we are doing it on behalf of the salvation army and trying to just suggest we're delivering and not responsible for purchasing. if we can distance ourselves from it, it's much better.
charity, in my opinion, is best when it's faceless.
we just spent an exhausting few hours at wal mart. i am embarassed to admit that i've been there more often in the last few weeks than i ever intended to be. in the past i've looked at wm with scorn, but christ, they have deals and you can get damned near everything there under one roof. i really dont like shopping in 75 different places to get three things.
the prices are great, too. i can get 20 bags of groceries for under $200, whereas if i went to safeway, i'd be spending $250 or more for the same items. walmart, despite its tendancy to support the chinese market, has some great deals.
the produce sucks balls tho. safeway is still superior for that kind of stuff. same with the meat. hey if you want a cheap lb of beef to fry up, walmart is great. but if you are looking for decent produce that is local, forget it. you'll never see a tomato or cucumber from redcliff greenhouses, even tho it's 10 mins down the highway.
anyway, i'm happy to report that the shopping should be over with for now. for a little while anyway.
the word?
CARGOYLES.
cargoyle [cahr-goil] noun. icy chunk of snow and road debris that falls off your tires in winter. can be kicked off or melts off naturally to form dark chunks of ice. cargoyles exist naturally and prolifically during chinooks.
cargoyles.
thank you, cbc 1010 for the fascinating discussion.
i have no idea what january holds in store. i'm getting really sick and tired of the current instructor fifi and i want to never take another class with her again. i was looking on the schedule and she is instructing a 6am bikini class while brandie is doing the 6am boot camp with lea. i dont know this lea person and have no idea what to expect, but i do know brandie and quite honestly, i get sick of her classes. no matter what we do, she always yanks out the step and does shit on it. i hate that and i think it's so incredibly boring. i also can see that the 6am bikini wont fill up and then they'll end up combining classes again and i'll be stuck with that dumb twat fifi again.
i think that heartbreaker has definitely gone down hill in the last 4 months or so since janine left. the instructors left standing are unimaginative and fucking lazy. they repeat the same classes every week and wont work out with us. it's getting to the point where i'm not finding any inspiration at the gym anymore and am just going through the motions. i just worry about being motivated enough to work harder in january. honestly, if it is the way it is now, i wont be able to do it.
i should clarify: there are some good instructors left, but they instruct at times that are not convenient to me. for instance, i do like corey, but she is an evening instructor. i dont mind marla, but she could stop screeching every once in a while. i do like jenny but she only instructs some noon hour classes. if she was doing the full session then i'd definitely pop in, but she only does 2 classes per week.
i am sort of contemplating taking the 8pm bikini with terri ann because i know she is a good instructor and isnt a boring ass and will do things with us. the drawback is that i really dont want to shell out the $250 for a program i already know how to do. i've done 5 bikinis now and i know the drill. i'm not interested in before and after pictures and attending nutrition seminars...i just want to work out and be done with it.
i really dont know where i'm going to go with this. i do know that i really enjoy group fitness and dont want to quit that. sure, i could go get a membership at the Y, but i have this membership at heartbreaker that i have 8 months remaining...i'd like to see it through. yes, i could buy a gym pass to the Y and do classes there, but i hate the idea of starting over when i know what i'm getting already.
my membership is up in 8 months. there will be other options out there such as temple fitness. my buddy rhonda works out there and she is in great shape. shane does have a good place and kick ass classes...again, it's starting all over again that bothers me. janine's place is always an option. i do really love and miss her classes and wouldnt mind going there, but mike is such a dork that i dont think i want to give my business to him....
i guess i have 8 months to figure it all out. i just hope that i can find the right solution by then.
oh i've been lazy in terms of fitness. i've gotta get on the wagon again.
my knees are still very sore. the other day i went and bought glucosamine and i've been taking 1000mg in hopes that i'll eventually stop sounding like a granny every time i sit down or attempt the stairs.
i've decided that i'm going to only 1 legs class per week. today i slept in because it was plyo and pyramid, which means a lot of lunges, burpees, and squats all fucking class long. even in warmups i feel my knees twinge. i got a serious twinge monday morning that i didnt like.
yesterday i woke up with a lower back ache and i cant figure out where it came from. monday was bagshaw and no back exercises and tuesday was boxing, so god only knows why my back is so sore. it is still sore today...fuck. i was also beat right down on tuesday and so much so that i was falling asleep on the couch at 7pm.
tomorrow's class is arms, a step n sculpt class, so it should be a good one. from there we only have 2 classes next week and then we're off till the 28th. should be a good break.
adjacent to the previous post...
the sil told me a few weeks ago that she is graduating from her last chance masters course and wants to go somewhere special for xmas next year.
that special place? hawaii.
ok it's a nice enough place, but boring as fuck. why not go somewhere like mexico where it's all inclusive and nice and hot and somewhere you've never been before?? but she is boring as shit and insists on repetively going places she's already seen, so it's hardly a surprise she'd pick reliable boring hawaii.
and i know her ploy: she's trying to make it a family vacation. she'll never go by herself and spend xmas alone. nay, she will say she wants to go to hawaii and know that her parents will never A) let her pay her own way there or B) go alone and spend xmas by herself, so she knows that if she puts the hints out enough that they will cave and that's where everyone will spend xmas.
so i casually state this to ch and he gets excited. fuck, go figure. so she will get her way again.
seriously december is a noisy time in my head. it's a time where i'm always preoccupied with avoidance. avoiding my parents, his parents, everyone. i really want to do what I want to do, but nobody respects that.
every christmas, ch and i want to be alone. in years past, his family has always dominated every xmas. it was always about them, whether it was at grandpa matt's house or at their house in yyc, it was always us and them. and "them" was always the sil too in all her annoying glory. the one year we went to lethbridge, it was a fucking epic. how DARE we go and visit MYYYYY parents and not them. i swear, the world tilted on its axis the day we spent xmas with my family and not them. there was a lot of whining. the sil even tried her best to get us to change our mind by telling us that sheeeeeee was going to be all alone and that she'd have nobody to spend xmas with; her little ploy to get ch to cancel our plans. it was like that last thanksgiving where she went on that mom and dad were leaving her and so i FOOLISHLY volunteered to cook a turkey. that night at dinner she announced that she was having twooooo turkeys that thanksgiving and would be going to mom and dad's the next night...all a ploy. so the year we went to my parents' she tried pulling that stunt and ch bit and told her she could come along. funnily enough, the mil said she'd never leave the sil alone and they werent going anywhere...huh. funny how that is, isnt it?
in 2007 we decided to stay here for xmas and do nothing. we had fun doing our own thing and went to a boxing day party. that wasnt good enough for the inlaws; they had to make sure they got us at xmas and bought a cruise for us for the next year over xmas. this year we are trying hard to stay here and the sil talked to ch last night and told him that mommy is making a turkey on the 25 for whoever shows up, and when he expressed disinterest and said we were not sure what we were doing, she switched gears and said that she then would have mommy and daddy here and cook a turkey and we could go to her house. for fuck's sake. so apparently he said that we werent sure WHERE we'd be on xmas and to not do that. well, we'll see about that. i'm pretty sure she will do what she can (read: MANIPULATE) to make sure she gets xmas with ch.
the one year that we did see my parents, she told me, ''you just have to understand: i havent had a xmas without ch in 26 yrs"...fuck off you stupid c*nt.
december is going to be a rough month in terms of my diet:
~~we have a radio station party friday night and ch wants me to go to a hockey game with him afterward...hockey=zzzzzzzzzzzzzz to me, so it will mean beer to get me through. after the game, he wants to go to rossco's...i want to go there too, which frightens me because i know that i wont stop at one. sometimes i have to fight with myself and alienate myself from drinking in order to stay on the straight and narrow.
~~saturday is a kin bus trip to yql to watch another hockey game. jesus, i know that i'll be bored stupid...and that's where beer comes in. thank god for beer somedays. i know that the trip will be a gong show before i even get to the game. i'm hoping to keep it between the ditches and bitches that night.
~~saturday the 12th is another hockey road trip to yyc to go to the molson box. this time around, beer wont be consumed in the jetta en route to the game, which will cut back the stupidity. i hope
~~the 18th is a kinsmen executive party at the ponderosa and it is a legendary gong show which i fully intend to skip but have been hammered by ch and co to attend out of duty because he is the president.
~~the 26th is an annual darts tourney at our friends' house full of beer and frivolity
~~the 31st is the new years party at the ponderosa...pool and hot tub party for the select few invitees.
december is just shaping up to be a gong show in terms of fitness...i am going to have to work extra hard in january, ffs.
i still havent had caffiene yet. ok, i have had it in the form of diet soda but i have not willingly purchased or consumed a coffee with caffiene in it. one day i couldnt resist and bought a decaf latte, but it was decaf. big step for me. this is coming from the girl who drank nearly a pot of full on caffiene a day. i was going through a pound of coffee a week! it's a wonder i wasnt getting headaches and major withdrawl symptoms, however if i experienced them, they were obviously so minor they didnt warrant any concern. my full on daily coffee pot consumption habit was probably a year or two in the making.
i found that coffee made me too twitchy but there are afternoons where i utterly crave it. today i went out and ran errands and passed by the drive through starbucks and sighed. oh how it would have been great to drink a decaf latte with sugar free caramel!! even now i think about it and drool a bit.
i'm really not sure why i'm punishing myself in this manner. i should just switch back to caffiene and be done with it, but in a way it's that stupid stubborn trait i have to do exactly the opposite of what i desire. i dont know why i do that. it's not like i'm going to win a medal for not drinking coffee. nobody cares, ffs. it's just a self-driven desire to hold back on one thing.
and really, of all the things that are bad for me in my life, coffee is the least harmful. if only i could adopt that stance with beer.
sigh.
right now i'm craving chips, dip, beer and clam. it's that nagging niggling little asshole on my shoulder telling me i have to eat this stuff or die.
sometimes i find cravings almost too hard to overcome, hence the struggles i've had with weight for a decade and a half or more now. going to the gym helps, yes, but it's not everything.
i've been told that diet is 80% of it, physical activity is a mere 10%, and the rest is genetics. it's startling. i'm sure the number of people walking into a gym and then out to mcdonald's would fall over if they knew those facts. (facts which are unsubstantiated, mind you, but told to me during a nutrition session).
i have found the correlation between eating well and exercise. all it takes is one weekend of utter wild abandonment to feel the results come monday morning at 6am. i'm sluggish, tired, and achy and watch the clock endlessly. if i eat better, i have more energy.
when i ate just chicken and rice and limited my sugars, i felt pretty good then too. i think it's going to come to that sooner rather than later in order to prepare for maui.
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