i just picked up the cat's remains.
i think i'm in a better place than i was this time last week. it took me 2 full days of mourning to feel better. i still dont feel like i can conquer the world, but i am recovering.
i still miss the cat and look for her when i exit the bathroom, or come downstairs to start my day. sometimes i think i see her sitting on the back of the couch or hear her meowing looking for me. i've had to stop myself several times from calling out to her.
now her remains are home and i will put them on my night table beside sid's. i had thought of combining them, but if you knew sid at all, you'd know she'd have NONE of that! anytime tasha would try to jump up and visit her, sid would freak out and hit her until she'd jump down, so i know that there'd be no way she'd rest with tasha's remains.
anyway, i have them home, but not in a capacity i really cherish.
wishing they were still here...
Friday, November 26, 2010
Lost In The World
just bought kanye's new album and i'm totally feeling this song...good beat. cant wait to plug it in for tuesday's run at the gym.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
more sadness
today, in less than an hour, i'm going to put my cat tasha to sleep. we've been together 16 years (almost to the day--nov 25/94) and i've been dreading this day for as long as i've had her.
she's been really skinny for the last 5 months and just sunday i noticed that she's not eating. i tried everything: baby food, cheeze whiz, mooshing up her food, feeding her cooked ground chicken to real chicken, and nothing helped. and just now she went to the water dish and looked longingly into it but didnt drink. tried to navigate around it but wouldnt take a sip. i know that the cat can not last without water.
i couldnt go to the gym today. just couldnt. i decided at 8 that i'd bite the bullet and take her. so tired of the highs and lows. and even at noon today when she ate those few pieces of chicken for the first time since saturday, i started to question my decision. but i had called today at 830 and hoped i could get in early while i still had the courage...no, he's in surgery till noon and always has it scheduled that way. that's ok. but the waiting has been killing me all day. i've been counting down and dreading it, cuddling her, and crying and the hours have slowly ticked down.
so now it's 10 mins before i set out in the jeep and take her. and we're going to go through the same process there of examining her and then me bawling and saying just do it. fuck, death sucks.
ironically it's almost 9 months to the exact day i put sid to sleep. it was feb 19/10, about the same time of day. horrid. i even calculated it on a calendar counter and it said 8 months, 29 days.
and what's even weirder is that the snow is falling much the same way it did when i had sid put to sleep. that's really eerie.
she's been really skinny for the last 5 months and just sunday i noticed that she's not eating. i tried everything: baby food, cheeze whiz, mooshing up her food, feeding her cooked ground chicken to real chicken, and nothing helped. and just now she went to the water dish and looked longingly into it but didnt drink. tried to navigate around it but wouldnt take a sip. i know that the cat can not last without water.
i couldnt go to the gym today. just couldnt. i decided at 8 that i'd bite the bullet and take her. so tired of the highs and lows. and even at noon today when she ate those few pieces of chicken for the first time since saturday, i started to question my decision. but i had called today at 830 and hoped i could get in early while i still had the courage...no, he's in surgery till noon and always has it scheduled that way. that's ok. but the waiting has been killing me all day. i've been counting down and dreading it, cuddling her, and crying and the hours have slowly ticked down.
so now it's 10 mins before i set out in the jeep and take her. and we're going to go through the same process there of examining her and then me bawling and saying just do it. fuck, death sucks.
ironically it's almost 9 months to the exact day i put sid to sleep. it was feb 19/10, about the same time of day. horrid. i even calculated it on a calendar counter and it said 8 months, 29 days.
and what's even weirder is that the snow is falling much the same way it did when i had sid put to sleep. that's really eerie.
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i just picked up the cat's remains.
i think i'm in a better place than i was this time last week. it took me 2 full days of mourning to feel better. i still dont feel like i can conquer the world, but i am recovering.
i still miss the cat and look for her when i exit the bathroom, or come downstairs to start my day. sometimes i think i see her sitting on the back of the couch or hear her meowing looking for me. i've had to stop myself several times from calling out to her.
now her remains are home and i will put them on my night table beside sid's. i had thought of combining them, but if you knew sid at all, you'd know she'd have NONE of that! anytime tasha would try to jump up and visit her, sid would freak out and hit her until she'd jump down, so i know that there'd be no way she'd rest with tasha's remains.
anyway, i have them home, but not in a capacity i really cherish.
wishing they were still here...
today, in less than an hour, i'm going to put my cat tasha to sleep. we've been together 16 years (almost to the day--nov 25/94) and i've been dreading this day for as long as i've had her.
she's been really skinny for the last 5 months and just sunday i noticed that she's not eating. i tried everything: baby food, cheeze whiz, mooshing up her food, feeding her cooked ground chicken to real chicken, and nothing helped. and just now she went to the water dish and looked longingly into it but didnt drink. tried to navigate around it but wouldnt take a sip. i know that the cat can not last without water.
i couldnt go to the gym today. just couldnt. i decided at 8 that i'd bite the bullet and take her. so tired of the highs and lows. and even at noon today when she ate those few pieces of chicken for the first time since saturday, i started to question my decision. but i had called today at 830 and hoped i could get in early while i still had the courage...no, he's in surgery till noon and always has it scheduled that way. that's ok. but the waiting has been killing me all day. i've been counting down and dreading it, cuddling her, and crying and the hours have slowly ticked down.
so now it's 10 mins before i set out in the jeep and take her. and we're going to go through the same process there of examining her and then me bawling and saying just do it. fuck, death sucks.
ironically it's almost 9 months to the exact day i put sid to sleep. it was feb 19/10, about the same time of day. horrid. i even calculated it on a calendar counter and it said 8 months, 29 days.
and what's even weirder is that the snow is falling much the same way it did when i had sid put to sleep. that's really eerie.
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