from http://www.drdaveanddee.com/inlaws.html
(why didnt i follow this advice sooner??? i think i would have ended up being way happier)
In-law problems can be worked out. Here's how to start:
1. Keep your contacts with them to a minimum. Spend as little time with them as possible. Do not invite them over unless it's absolutely necessary. If they want come over and visit, then let them be entertained by your husband and son while you go run an errand, or make yourself scarce somewhere around the house.
2. Your husband needs to be supportive of you. If his parents snub you in any way, it's his responsibility to put a stop to it. They are his parents, so it is best that he speak up. Otherwise, it just gives the in-laws more reason to disapprove of you. His support of you is not being disloyal to his parents. It simply shows his parents that he respects you, and they must as well.
3. Do not invest yourself emotionally in them. Do not hope for a close relationship with them; their actions show it will never happen. Keep reminding yourself that they are the ones with the problem. Do not go out of your way to please them. For example, if it's their birthday, then it is your husband's responsibility to buy the card/gift and send it to them on behalf of both of you.
4. When around them, act pleasant so as not to give them any ammunition with which to use against you. Being pleasant does not mean you allow them to insult you. If they do insult you, shrug it off in a humorous way, then leave the room and busy yourself with something else.
5. You and your husband should see a marriage counselor to obtain guidance on how to strengthen your marriage and cope with specific in-law problems.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
gossip mongers
while i'm on the subject...
a month ago the cupboards fell off the wall. they took out 90% of my glassware. there was glass everywhere throughout my kitchen on the floor, cupboards, and in the damndest places like my foot.
while i was in the middle of cleaning the glass (or in media res), the c-sil called. oh she was calling to cry that she had hit a dog. not crying because she hit the dog, but in spite of it because WAAAH, it had wrecked her car. not wrecked to the point of it being undriveable, but wrecked as in ruined the washer fluid reservoir. no words as to how the dog was doing etc, nor any concern, but would you expect any more of her, really?
during that conversation, ch mentioned that our cupboards fell off the wall. little was said to him, including "would you like some help cleaning it up". you'd expect that of her, seeing as we've helped her out of oodles of jams, but it didnt directly affect her so she just stepped OVER us and continued on.
of course that didnt stop her from hanging up the phone and immediately speed dialling her parents to tell them the gossip. god forbid a day go by where she doesnt phone them for some reason or the other and if you have juicier gossip than "oh guess what i did today at skool", then all the better.
not 12 hrs later i got a call. ME, not ch. the fil was on the phone calling me during the afternoon to inquire after the tragedy. didnt call his son, but chose to talk to me. it went ON. i must have explained how it happend 239473489 times and the fuck still had no clue and needed it explained to him. he's done that before when he's called here asking what system ch had for a/v and when i told him sony, he went out and bought hitachi and then said "it would have been nice to know what you had"...like, fuckhead: were you even having the same conversation i was???
anyway, the fucker called here to get the details (which he promptly forgot) and then fucking had to criticise me for how i handled it. first it was that i didnt fucking take pictures of it all (and i really think it was for his own morbid curiousity) and then it was that i threw the cupboards out when i should have kept everything. yeah, right...i should keep shit that has fallen apart in my garage...what, just in case i need it?? right, you cunt. then it was how i handled it and how i should have been threatening to send this issue to the paper....riiiight...i wonder if these are some of the threats that were uttered when the cunty sil was laid off??
regardless, it was pure fuckery and criticism all aimed at me. my therapist said that i should have hung up on him. he's right, i should have. he yammered away and i was fortunate enough to have the builder come to the door, so i didnt have to listen to how wrong i was again.
the long and the short of it is that i want to fucking make up some kind of terrible rumor to see how fast it returns. i'd like to say something to the sil and see how long it takes to get back to us via the inlaws...i'm betting on less than 24hrs.
a month ago the cupboards fell off the wall. they took out 90% of my glassware. there was glass everywhere throughout my kitchen on the floor, cupboards, and in the damndest places like my foot.
while i was in the middle of cleaning the glass (or in media res), the c-sil called. oh she was calling to cry that she had hit a dog. not crying because she hit the dog, but in spite of it because WAAAH, it had wrecked her car. not wrecked to the point of it being undriveable, but wrecked as in ruined the washer fluid reservoir. no words as to how the dog was doing etc, nor any concern, but would you expect any more of her, really?
during that conversation, ch mentioned that our cupboards fell off the wall. little was said to him, including "would you like some help cleaning it up". you'd expect that of her, seeing as we've helped her out of oodles of jams, but it didnt directly affect her so she just stepped OVER us and continued on.
of course that didnt stop her from hanging up the phone and immediately speed dialling her parents to tell them the gossip. god forbid a day go by where she doesnt phone them for some reason or the other and if you have juicier gossip than "oh guess what i did today at skool", then all the better.
not 12 hrs later i got a call. ME, not ch. the fil was on the phone calling me during the afternoon to inquire after the tragedy. didnt call his son, but chose to talk to me. it went ON. i must have explained how it happend 239473489 times and the fuck still had no clue and needed it explained to him. he's done that before when he's called here asking what system ch had for a/v and when i told him sony, he went out and bought hitachi and then said "it would have been nice to know what you had"...like, fuckhead: were you even having the same conversation i was???
anyway, the fucker called here to get the details (which he promptly forgot) and then fucking had to criticise me for how i handled it. first it was that i didnt fucking take pictures of it all (and i really think it was for his own morbid curiousity) and then it was that i threw the cupboards out when i should have kept everything. yeah, right...i should keep shit that has fallen apart in my garage...what, just in case i need it?? right, you cunt. then it was how i handled it and how i should have been threatening to send this issue to the paper....riiiight...i wonder if these are some of the threats that were uttered when the cunty sil was laid off??
regardless, it was pure fuckery and criticism all aimed at me. my therapist said that i should have hung up on him. he's right, i should have. he yammered away and i was fortunate enough to have the builder come to the door, so i didnt have to listen to how wrong i was again.
the long and the short of it is that i want to fucking make up some kind of terrible rumor to see how fast it returns. i'd like to say something to the sil and see how long it takes to get back to us via the inlaws...i'm betting on less than 24hrs.
stupid motherfuckers
so here we are again in the same stead as we were weeks before.
supposedly the sil and her twoooooo kidssssssss you knowwwwwww are coming to yxh tomorrow. of course we dont know that for certain, nor has she told us that. why of COURSE the cunt sil has mentioned that to ch as if it were a certainty. she who is not invited or included in this affair, yet she knows all.
ugh, i hate the machinations of this family. the gossip, the willingness to give up everyone's secrets, the unwillingness to turn the mirror to one's self, and the circling of the fucking wagons the moment there's trouble.
the bil has been going through a phase of being spontaneous, or so the cunty sil says (god, she needs a new nickname). so this has her and the mil and fil pissed because they want details and plans and ironies of all ironies, none of those fucks ever give out their plans, but wait a sec, we're not talking about THEM, we're talking about the bil and HOWDAREYOU point your finger at them. get where i'm going? they're fucking shallow hypocrites. so in the meantime, the other sil is following her husband's directions and being spontaneous too (oh isnt that so cuuuuute?) and she is waiting till the last minute to let ch and i know whether she'll come to yxh. meanwhile, the cunt sil knows it and has basically told ch this as fact, as if she were the one to discuss it personally with the other sil. well, cunty sil has always hated the other sil and has welcomed her to the family in the same manner she's welcomed me (but with less ire and scorn and jealousy) and there's no way that fractured relationship has been repaired in the last 12 years to the point of them suddenly calling one another up and discussing jovial subjects. there's no way and it will never happen. regardless, the c-sil speaks as if it's from god's lips to her ears.
so in the meantime, ch refuses to make any plans for tomorrow because the twooooooo kiiiiiiiiiiiiiids youuuuuuuuu know might be coming. well, i for one, consider that rude. i mean, if you can tell others that you're coming but fail to mention it to the key principle players in the equation, then i think that is incredibly rude. i have no intentions of waiting out the day "just in case". quite frankly, i'm convinced this behaviour isnt an accident, a simple "oh shit, i forgot to email you...i'm dreadfully sorry", but a deliberate action.
my response to this is to be extremely busy. i'm not waiting around for anyone. get me? ANYONE. it's a shame because the kids are cute, but really, i dont owe them 1/9th of my paycheque. oh hell, that was 2 weeks ago. they're done in my mind. but i most certainly do NOT owe their mother or father any of my time either. if you cant tell me your intentions 24hrs out, then fuck you.
oh and in the most hypocritical fashion, the mil and fil intend to sit down with the bil to talk about his latest spontaneous phase. all i can do is laugh. it's clear he's rebelling and they dont like it. of course the c-sil is thrilled because any time the family turns their wrath toward the bil, she's overjoyed and even more self-righteous. so they're going to lecture bil about being spontaneous, when meanwhile 2 weeks ago while we were at the farm the three of them (c-sil, fil, and mil) were in discussions at 19:30 on a friday night trying to rearrange everyone's sleeping arrangements. the aunts and uncles from out of town had all made reservations at various hotels and there the three of them were trying to unarrange them without anyone's permission. the fil approached us and told us that he and the mil would be staying here at our house, which meant displacing other aunts and uncles who had reservations, just so that they could have them all at the c-sil's place.
well, if that isnt rude or spontaneous or downright fucking ignorant, i dont know what is....but call everyone else out on their perceived bullshit you mother fuckers...why not???
supposedly the sil and her twoooooo kidssssssss you knowwwwwww are coming to yxh tomorrow. of course we dont know that for certain, nor has she told us that. why of COURSE the cunt sil has mentioned that to ch as if it were a certainty. she who is not invited or included in this affair, yet she knows all.
ugh, i hate the machinations of this family. the gossip, the willingness to give up everyone's secrets, the unwillingness to turn the mirror to one's self, and the circling of the fucking wagons the moment there's trouble.
the bil has been going through a phase of being spontaneous, or so the cunty sil says (god, she needs a new nickname). so this has her and the mil and fil pissed because they want details and plans and ironies of all ironies, none of those fucks ever give out their plans, but wait a sec, we're not talking about THEM, we're talking about the bil and HOWDAREYOU point your finger at them. get where i'm going? they're fucking shallow hypocrites. so in the meantime, the other sil is following her husband's directions and being spontaneous too (oh isnt that so cuuuuute?) and she is waiting till the last minute to let ch and i know whether she'll come to yxh. meanwhile, the cunt sil knows it and has basically told ch this as fact, as if she were the one to discuss it personally with the other sil. well, cunty sil has always hated the other sil and has welcomed her to the family in the same manner she's welcomed me (but with less ire and scorn and jealousy) and there's no way that fractured relationship has been repaired in the last 12 years to the point of them suddenly calling one another up and discussing jovial subjects. there's no way and it will never happen. regardless, the c-sil speaks as if it's from god's lips to her ears.
so in the meantime, ch refuses to make any plans for tomorrow because the twooooooo kiiiiiiiiiiiiiids youuuuuuuuu know might be coming. well, i for one, consider that rude. i mean, if you can tell others that you're coming but fail to mention it to the key principle players in the equation, then i think that is incredibly rude. i have no intentions of waiting out the day "just in case". quite frankly, i'm convinced this behaviour isnt an accident, a simple "oh shit, i forgot to email you...i'm dreadfully sorry", but a deliberate action.
my response to this is to be extremely busy. i'm not waiting around for anyone. get me? ANYONE. it's a shame because the kids are cute, but really, i dont owe them 1/9th of my paycheque. oh hell, that was 2 weeks ago. they're done in my mind. but i most certainly do NOT owe their mother or father any of my time either. if you cant tell me your intentions 24hrs out, then fuck you.
oh and in the most hypocritical fashion, the mil and fil intend to sit down with the bil to talk about his latest spontaneous phase. all i can do is laugh. it's clear he's rebelling and they dont like it. of course the c-sil is thrilled because any time the family turns their wrath toward the bil, she's overjoyed and even more self-righteous. so they're going to lecture bil about being spontaneous, when meanwhile 2 weeks ago while we were at the farm the three of them (c-sil, fil, and mil) were in discussions at 19:30 on a friday night trying to rearrange everyone's sleeping arrangements. the aunts and uncles from out of town had all made reservations at various hotels and there the three of them were trying to unarrange them without anyone's permission. the fil approached us and told us that he and the mil would be staying here at our house, which meant displacing other aunts and uncles who had reservations, just so that they could have them all at the c-sil's place.
well, if that isnt rude or spontaneous or downright fucking ignorant, i dont know what is....but call everyone else out on their perceived bullshit you mother fuckers...why not???
the farm
we went to the farm on 16-jul-10. spent it with the inlaws and the crazies in the family. it was a good time, but when the mil wasnt insulting me indirectly or the sil wasnt pouting and putting on her "i'm sooooooo self aware" (saying that as she walked around in her decades old shirt and backward baseball cap and her low-slung pony tail--all which were NOT flattering in the least), i was off taking pictures and walking around by myself (which made it a GOOD time).
the farm is quite a pretty place. i found a rock to sit on which faced east and i just sat there and listened to the wind rustle through the grasses and watched the sky darken with the approaching storm and suddenly realised why ch's crazy aunt bernie wants to stay there. it's beautiful. the silence is mesmerising.
here are some of the pics i took while i was walking around:
to all those naysayers (including me)
you were right, jan!
you told me that marigolds re-seed themselves.
proof they do:
you told me that marigolds re-seed themselves.
proof they do:
Monday, July 26, 2010
"i'm nothing if not self aware"
this is the sil's catch phrase. she says it often, usually just after she's scorned someone (who isnt within earshot to defend themselves) and says it loudly.
i heard it uttered friday night as i walked past and i momentarily stopped in my gait (almost did a half shuffle of sorts) and rolled my eyes. of course she didnt see me roll my eyes but i'm sure the hesitation was palpable and observed.
usually the most inept fools are the ones blasting off about how "self aware" they are and how uppitty-uppitty. she's the last mother fucker who'd know how aware she is of things...afterall, she's the one who hasnt changed a thing about herself since high school.
i've got dust bunnies more self aware than she is.
fuck she's stupid.
i heard it uttered friday night as i walked past and i momentarily stopped in my gait (almost did a half shuffle of sorts) and rolled my eyes. of course she didnt see me roll my eyes but i'm sure the hesitation was palpable and observed.
usually the most inept fools are the ones blasting off about how "self aware" they are and how uppitty-uppitty. she's the last mother fucker who'd know how aware she is of things...afterall, she's the one who hasnt changed a thing about herself since high school.
i've got dust bunnies more self aware than she is.
fuck she's stupid.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
disheartening
i think this blog is a god damned boring blog. there's nothing exciting and really, who wants to read about my stupid plants, my dogs, or my god damned dysfunctional inlaws? i kind of feel like just pulling the plug to spare my poor reader (yes, S dropped purposely).
been a while...again
it's been a while since i've been here and it seems the days blast past me and i suddenly wonder how it could possibly be the last third of july. it feels as if the summer is already over. the nights here have been very cold (for yxh that is) and they feel septemberish. there's always a feeling that is in the air around that time of year. i cant quite put my finger on it, but i feel the same sensations around september and have ever since i was a kid. i dont think that first day of school feeling will ever leave, no matter how hard i try to shake it.
so this season has been unusually brutal in that we've had way more wind that we've ever had, which just gets a girl down. and our hot desert days have seemingly deserted us and we've had a hell of a lot more rain that we've had in july in years gone by. and as i mentioned, the nights are cooler than they've been before, too. you just simply can not sit out at night without a jacket. there is definitely a bite in the air.
i'm procrastinating today, so there will be more entries...i have to clean the house, but i just dont have the drive or desire. i know it will come to me eventually.
so this season has been unusually brutal in that we've had way more wind that we've ever had, which just gets a girl down. and our hot desert days have seemingly deserted us and we've had a hell of a lot more rain that we've had in july in years gone by. and as i mentioned, the nights are cooler than they've been before, too. you just simply can not sit out at night without a jacket. there is definitely a bite in the air.
i'm procrastinating today, so there will be more entries...i have to clean the house, but i just dont have the drive or desire. i know it will come to me eventually.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
aloe
my aloe is now recovering after what i figured would be a rocky start to its new home.
i repotted it a few months ago and moved it into its permanent pot and location in front of my south facing livingroom window. i foolishly put in organic material from my compost bucket when i repotted it and for a while there, all the bottom leaves were sagging and pinching themselves off.
i was sure the thing was a goner.
just the other day, i noticed a welcome sight: the asparagus-like shoot rising out of the pot, poised to blossom! obviously the plant is doing fine and has recovered and if it's happy enough to flower, then it has survived that scare!!
i repotted it a few months ago and moved it into its permanent pot and location in front of my south facing livingroom window. i foolishly put in organic material from my compost bucket when i repotted it and for a while there, all the bottom leaves were sagging and pinching themselves off.
i was sure the thing was a goner.
just the other day, i noticed a welcome sight: the asparagus-like shoot rising out of the pot, poised to blossom! obviously the plant is doing fine and has recovered and if it's happy enough to flower, then it has survived that scare!!
can ya dig it?
i've decided that this summer will be the summer i finally finish the gardens in the back. it's been going on for about 3 years running where i've been out there putzing around and cutting back sod and postponing putting brick or some kind of landscape tile between the grass and garden. i've just decided to bite the bullet and do it this year.
i tried starting out spraying the grass last weekend and using a garden hose as a template to design my garden shape. all i'm really looking for is curves to the edges, rather than straight lines. i think curves are my subtle way of saying FU to the inlaws who are squares and rigid.
so i was out there sunday trying to spray lines and didnt get it right. the hose wasnt cooperating and i got more pink paint on it than the grass. i was totally frustrated at the end of it and freehanded the east side.
i started digging sunday as well and that was slow going, mostly because i didnt wet the grass prior to digging. it sure makes a huge difference in lifting up sod if the grass is wet. i did a bit of the west side and figured i'd do the rest later. weather prevented me from actually going to town on it and i didnt get digging until today.
i finished off both sides. it was a bitch tho. i did the west side around 4pm which was really dumb. i was already tired from the gym and hot and sweaty and to undertake that digging was utter bullshit. i waited a few hours and went out about 1hr ago and finished the east side off....it's all done, save the aesthetics. it's not perfect, but a little work here and there will make it much better.
once it's dug out to my liking, i'll be searching for blocks or cement or stones to finish it off. from there i'll hold off on the garden...i just might add a couple more shrubs for the newer areas and will definitely add tulip bulbs and more springy bulbs in the fall this year. i really enjoyed my tulips this year, so i cant wait to bring more into the garden next season. i'm still not sure if i'll mulch it or put bark in there to finish it off. bark etc is unsightly at times and i'll need a shitload of it in order to make it all work. i'm mostly concerned about the weeds in there, so if i do put down bark i'm going to go the environmental route and line newspapers all throughout my garden, wet them, and then cover them with the bark/mulch so that it will hopefully clog out all the weeds.
so that is it...for now tho i'm very tired and worn out...and grateful to be out of the sandflies who were just horrid tonight...today was the first day i've been really affected by them and the first day i've seen them out in 2010, reminding me how much summer here can be a royal pain in the ass.
i tried starting out spraying the grass last weekend and using a garden hose as a template to design my garden shape. all i'm really looking for is curves to the edges, rather than straight lines. i think curves are my subtle way of saying FU to the inlaws who are squares and rigid.
so i was out there sunday trying to spray lines and didnt get it right. the hose wasnt cooperating and i got more pink paint on it than the grass. i was totally frustrated at the end of it and freehanded the east side.
i started digging sunday as well and that was slow going, mostly because i didnt wet the grass prior to digging. it sure makes a huge difference in lifting up sod if the grass is wet. i did a bit of the west side and figured i'd do the rest later. weather prevented me from actually going to town on it and i didnt get digging until today.
i finished off both sides. it was a bitch tho. i did the west side around 4pm which was really dumb. i was already tired from the gym and hot and sweaty and to undertake that digging was utter bullshit. i waited a few hours and went out about 1hr ago and finished the east side off....it's all done, save the aesthetics. it's not perfect, but a little work here and there will make it much better.
once it's dug out to my liking, i'll be searching for blocks or cement or stones to finish it off. from there i'll hold off on the garden...i just might add a couple more shrubs for the newer areas and will definitely add tulip bulbs and more springy bulbs in the fall this year. i really enjoyed my tulips this year, so i cant wait to bring more into the garden next season. i'm still not sure if i'll mulch it or put bark in there to finish it off. bark etc is unsightly at times and i'll need a shitload of it in order to make it all work. i'm mostly concerned about the weeds in there, so if i do put down bark i'm going to go the environmental route and line newspapers all throughout my garden, wet them, and then cover them with the bark/mulch so that it will hopefully clog out all the weeds.
so that is it...for now tho i'm very tired and worn out...and grateful to be out of the sandflies who were just horrid tonight...today was the first day i've been really affected by them and the first day i've seen them out in 2010, reminding me how much summer here can be a royal pain in the ass.
lies, lies, lies
in addendum to the previous post...
i had sent the email to the useless sil a couple weeks ago and it's been radio silence.
ch had been informed that we were taking the kids to the stampede through his sister and heard this all last night.
today ch emailed his brother asking wtf was going on because we hadnt heard and we needed to know. his brother responded and told him that everything would be ok and that they just discussed it "last night", which would have been wed night.
today the fat useless sil phoned here and told ch that she has been much too "busy" to answer emails and my emails got lost in the shuffle of things and that they'd been just discussing it all tonight.
too many fucking LIES, LIES, LIES.
i had sent the email to the useless sil a couple weeks ago and it's been radio silence.
ch had been informed that we were taking the kids to the stampede through his sister and heard this all last night.
today ch emailed his brother asking wtf was going on because we hadnt heard and we needed to know. his brother responded and told him that everything would be ok and that they just discussed it "last night", which would have been wed night.
today the fat useless sil phoned here and told ch that she has been much too "busy" to answer emails and my emails got lost in the shuffle of things and that they'd been just discussing it all tonight.
too many fucking LIES, LIES, LIES.
why is it always so damned complicated?
seriously...
any dealings i've ever had with the inlaws have always resulted in some clusterfuck because none of them can possibly sit back and let people do as they please without injecting their wisdom into the matter.
as mentioned earlier, we had asked the other sil if we could take her kids to the stampede for the day. we never heard anything until yesterday when the other sil stopped in at the shop to see ch and told him that her mom told her that her brother said we're taking the kids. (see? it's already a clusterfuck in just the telling of the story, for fuckssake!!)
so it's obvious there are a few issues going on here, the first being communication. it's really not that hard for someone to return an email and say "yes", "no'', or "go fuck yourself". i think it takes all of 2 minutes and instead of leaving ch and i hanging and angry she was perhaps being a passive aggressive twat, she could very well have emailed us and let us know the answer. we're adults and big kids now: we can take a no. it's possible.
so then of course now the entire family is involved in this 5 hour day, despite it just being ch and i and the kids. now the fil and mil are involved and to this hour, i think ch has talked to the mil at least 2 times today about this. the other sil who isnt remotely involved in anything has talked to us at least 2 or three times now about this bullshit.
it was all shit i was hoping to avoid. if the stupid bil and his wife would have just talked to us instead of yammering to their mom and dad about it, i think this whole day would have been a little less complicated.
and now as it stands, ch wants his sil to look after our dogs so we can make this day possible. i have this feeling that she will suddenly need to be in yyc tues/wed and wont be able to take the dogs, despite telling him earlier that she is returning to yxh monday.
ch also thought that his mom might be around wed and "why dont we just bring her along with us to the stampede?" well, FFS, if that is the case (which fortunately it isnt), i'd just stay home. i have expressed to him more than once now that it would be nice to see the kids without someone else interfering, whether it's the mil, fil, or the other fucking sil...it would be nice to just go and do and be with them and spoil them rotten without someone there taking notes to suggest we're not doing it right. because if there's anything the inlaws are good at, it's fucking taking notes and criticising and yammering about it endlessly.
really, the day should be a pleasant one. ch, me, the kids...i think it could go well. i'm excited. but at this point, i really feel that i dont need the sil tagging along (which is a possibility, as she cant bear to not know all the details) or the mil or fil interfering in some manner. and it wouldnt end there either: we'll never hear the end of how we took them there and how "next year" it will be the sil's turn to do that and since we did it this year, we've somehow started some invisible tradeoff of aunt/uncle time, despite not asking her to participate.
like i said, anything involving these assholes is completely complicated and it gives me a migrane thinking about it.
any dealings i've ever had with the inlaws have always resulted in some clusterfuck because none of them can possibly sit back and let people do as they please without injecting their wisdom into the matter.
as mentioned earlier, we had asked the other sil if we could take her kids to the stampede for the day. we never heard anything until yesterday when the other sil stopped in at the shop to see ch and told him that her mom told her that her brother said we're taking the kids. (see? it's already a clusterfuck in just the telling of the story, for fuckssake!!)
so it's obvious there are a few issues going on here, the first being communication. it's really not that hard for someone to return an email and say "yes", "no'', or "go fuck yourself". i think it takes all of 2 minutes and instead of leaving ch and i hanging and angry she was perhaps being a passive aggressive twat, she could very well have emailed us and let us know the answer. we're adults and big kids now: we can take a no. it's possible.
so then of course now the entire family is involved in this 5 hour day, despite it just being ch and i and the kids. now the fil and mil are involved and to this hour, i think ch has talked to the mil at least 2 times today about this. the other sil who isnt remotely involved in anything has talked to us at least 2 or three times now about this bullshit.
it was all shit i was hoping to avoid. if the stupid bil and his wife would have just talked to us instead of yammering to their mom and dad about it, i think this whole day would have been a little less complicated.
and now as it stands, ch wants his sil to look after our dogs so we can make this day possible. i have this feeling that she will suddenly need to be in yyc tues/wed and wont be able to take the dogs, despite telling him earlier that she is returning to yxh monday.
ch also thought that his mom might be around wed and "why dont we just bring her along with us to the stampede?" well, FFS, if that is the case (which fortunately it isnt), i'd just stay home. i have expressed to him more than once now that it would be nice to see the kids without someone else interfering, whether it's the mil, fil, or the other fucking sil...it would be nice to just go and do and be with them and spoil them rotten without someone there taking notes to suggest we're not doing it right. because if there's anything the inlaws are good at, it's fucking taking notes and criticising and yammering about it endlessly.
really, the day should be a pleasant one. ch, me, the kids...i think it could go well. i'm excited. but at this point, i really feel that i dont need the sil tagging along (which is a possibility, as she cant bear to not know all the details) or the mil or fil interfering in some manner. and it wouldnt end there either: we'll never hear the end of how we took them there and how "next year" it will be the sil's turn to do that and since we did it this year, we've somehow started some invisible tradeoff of aunt/uncle time, despite not asking her to participate.
like i said, anything involving these assholes is completely complicated and it gives me a migrane thinking about it.
Monday, July 05, 2010
been a while
it feels like forever since i've been on here, even tho it's only been a few days.
i'm back at it today at the gym. i'll be heading over there after lunch. lunch today is cucumber sandwiches because ch's crazy aunt dropped off a huge bag of them. wtf do you do with that many cukes?
i've decided that it's arms day mondays, chest and back tuesdays, abs wed, legs thursday, cardio friday. of course this will likely change as things go on.
i'm going to do a full cable day one of these days. really like using the cable machine. so many alternatives and options and i love it.
i'm not exactly thrilled with doing cardio today. actually lately cardio has been a struggle. i think it's because of the emotional eating i'm doing. i also over did it last week with running and ran 2 days in a row, which was a no-no. i could feel my shins quite badly and was limping afterward, due in part to the shoes i was wearing, but also a back to back run isnt necessarily good for me.
i have to get on my bike more often. what's holding me back right now is not being able to find the key to the damned lock. i was just in gtf and found a really neat bike lock and should have bought it. didnt. really dumb. ideally i would like to ride the bike to the gym and back before working out, which would be about a 15 min ride each way and approx 10km total. of course the k's would be longer because i wouldnt be taking the direct route, but would be deeking through and past the golf course and along the river, which adds on a more k's and time.
but yeah, cardio at the gym is boring. i'd almost rather take a class to get my cardio in because i can see where only having the treadmill, elliptical, or stationary bike is going to get old fast. it would be good to do some jacks, burpees, and mountain climbers just to change it up, but i'm not exactly comfortable with just dropping and doing it on the spot unless i can find a quiet corner of the gym.
so today is arms, my favourite day. i've decided that it's the perfect thing to do mondays to get me back into the gym. i think that if i made mondays legs, i'd never go.
i'm back at it today at the gym. i'll be heading over there after lunch. lunch today is cucumber sandwiches because ch's crazy aunt dropped off a huge bag of them. wtf do you do with that many cukes?
i've decided that it's arms day mondays, chest and back tuesdays, abs wed, legs thursday, cardio friday. of course this will likely change as things go on.
i'm going to do a full cable day one of these days. really like using the cable machine. so many alternatives and options and i love it.
i'm not exactly thrilled with doing cardio today. actually lately cardio has been a struggle. i think it's because of the emotional eating i'm doing. i also over did it last week with running and ran 2 days in a row, which was a no-no. i could feel my shins quite badly and was limping afterward, due in part to the shoes i was wearing, but also a back to back run isnt necessarily good for me.
i have to get on my bike more often. what's holding me back right now is not being able to find the key to the damned lock. i was just in gtf and found a really neat bike lock and should have bought it. didnt. really dumb. ideally i would like to ride the bike to the gym and back before working out, which would be about a 15 min ride each way and approx 10km total. of course the k's would be longer because i wouldnt be taking the direct route, but would be deeking through and past the golf course and along the river, which adds on a more k's and time.
but yeah, cardio at the gym is boring. i'd almost rather take a class to get my cardio in because i can see where only having the treadmill, elliptical, or stationary bike is going to get old fast. it would be good to do some jacks, burpees, and mountain climbers just to change it up, but i'm not exactly comfortable with just dropping and doing it on the spot unless i can find a quiet corner of the gym.
so today is arms, my favourite day. i've decided that it's the perfect thing to do mondays to get me back into the gym. i think that if i made mondays legs, i'd never go.
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from http://www.drdaveanddee.com/inlaws.html
(why didnt i follow this advice sooner??? i think i would have ended up being way happier)
In-law problems can be worked out. Here's how to start:
1. Keep your contacts with them to a minimum. Spend as little time with them as possible. Do not invite them over unless it's absolutely necessary. If they want come over and visit, then let them be entertained by your husband and son while you go run an errand, or make yourself scarce somewhere around the house.
2. Your husband needs to be supportive of you. If his parents snub you in any way, it's his responsibility to put a stop to it. They are his parents, so it is best that he speak up. Otherwise, it just gives the in-laws more reason to disapprove of you. His support of you is not being disloyal to his parents. It simply shows his parents that he respects you, and they must as well.
3. Do not invest yourself emotionally in them. Do not hope for a close relationship with them; their actions show it will never happen. Keep reminding yourself that they are the ones with the problem. Do not go out of your way to please them. For example, if it's their birthday, then it is your husband's responsibility to buy the card/gift and send it to them on behalf of both of you.
4. When around them, act pleasant so as not to give them any ammunition with which to use against you. Being pleasant does not mean you allow them to insult you. If they do insult you, shrug it off in a humorous way, then leave the room and busy yourself with something else.
5. You and your husband should see a marriage counselor to obtain guidance on how to strengthen your marriage and cope with specific in-law problems.
while i'm on the subject...
a month ago the cupboards fell off the wall. they took out 90% of my glassware. there was glass everywhere throughout my kitchen on the floor, cupboards, and in the damndest places like my foot.
while i was in the middle of cleaning the glass (or in media res), the c-sil called. oh she was calling to cry that she had hit a dog. not crying because she hit the dog, but in spite of it because WAAAH, it had wrecked her car. not wrecked to the point of it being undriveable, but wrecked as in ruined the washer fluid reservoir. no words as to how the dog was doing etc, nor any concern, but would you expect any more of her, really?
during that conversation, ch mentioned that our cupboards fell off the wall. little was said to him, including "would you like some help cleaning it up". you'd expect that of her, seeing as we've helped her out of oodles of jams, but it didnt directly affect her so she just stepped OVER us and continued on.
of course that didnt stop her from hanging up the phone and immediately speed dialling her parents to tell them the gossip. god forbid a day go by where she doesnt phone them for some reason or the other and if you have juicier gossip than "oh guess what i did today at skool", then all the better.
not 12 hrs later i got a call. ME, not ch. the fil was on the phone calling me during the afternoon to inquire after the tragedy. didnt call his son, but chose to talk to me. it went ON. i must have explained how it happend 239473489 times and the fuck still had no clue and needed it explained to him. he's done that before when he's called here asking what system ch had for a/v and when i told him sony, he went out and bought hitachi and then said "it would have been nice to know what you had"...like, fuckhead: were you even having the same conversation i was???
anyway, the fucker called here to get the details (which he promptly forgot) and then fucking had to criticise me for how i handled it. first it was that i didnt fucking take pictures of it all (and i really think it was for his own morbid curiousity) and then it was that i threw the cupboards out when i should have kept everything. yeah, right...i should keep shit that has fallen apart in my garage...what, just in case i need it?? right, you cunt. then it was how i handled it and how i should have been threatening to send this issue to the paper....riiiight...i wonder if these are some of the threats that were uttered when the cunty sil was laid off??
regardless, it was pure fuckery and criticism all aimed at me. my therapist said that i should have hung up on him. he's right, i should have. he yammered away and i was fortunate enough to have the builder come to the door, so i didnt have to listen to how wrong i was again.
the long and the short of it is that i want to fucking make up some kind of terrible rumor to see how fast it returns. i'd like to say something to the sil and see how long it takes to get back to us via the inlaws...i'm betting on less than 24hrs.
so here we are again in the same stead as we were weeks before.
supposedly the sil and her twoooooo kidssssssss you knowwwwwww are coming to yxh tomorrow. of course we dont know that for certain, nor has she told us that. why of COURSE the cunt sil has mentioned that to ch as if it were a certainty. she who is not invited or included in this affair, yet she knows all.
ugh, i hate the machinations of this family. the gossip, the willingness to give up everyone's secrets, the unwillingness to turn the mirror to one's self, and the circling of the fucking wagons the moment there's trouble.
the bil has been going through a phase of being spontaneous, or so the cunty sil says (god, she needs a new nickname). so this has her and the mil and fil pissed because they want details and plans and ironies of all ironies, none of those fucks ever give out their plans, but wait a sec, we're not talking about THEM, we're talking about the bil and HOWDAREYOU point your finger at them. get where i'm going? they're fucking shallow hypocrites. so in the meantime, the other sil is following her husband's directions and being spontaneous too (oh isnt that so cuuuuute?) and she is waiting till the last minute to let ch and i know whether she'll come to yxh. meanwhile, the cunt sil knows it and has basically told ch this as fact, as if she were the one to discuss it personally with the other sil. well, cunty sil has always hated the other sil and has welcomed her to the family in the same manner she's welcomed me (but with less ire and scorn and jealousy) and there's no way that fractured relationship has been repaired in the last 12 years to the point of them suddenly calling one another up and discussing jovial subjects. there's no way and it will never happen. regardless, the c-sil speaks as if it's from god's lips to her ears.
so in the meantime, ch refuses to make any plans for tomorrow because the twooooooo kiiiiiiiiiiiiiids youuuuuuuuu know might be coming. well, i for one, consider that rude. i mean, if you can tell others that you're coming but fail to mention it to the key principle players in the equation, then i think that is incredibly rude. i have no intentions of waiting out the day "just in case". quite frankly, i'm convinced this behaviour isnt an accident, a simple "oh shit, i forgot to email you...i'm dreadfully sorry", but a deliberate action.
my response to this is to be extremely busy. i'm not waiting around for anyone. get me? ANYONE. it's a shame because the kids are cute, but really, i dont owe them 1/9th of my paycheque. oh hell, that was 2 weeks ago. they're done in my mind. but i most certainly do NOT owe their mother or father any of my time either. if you cant tell me your intentions 24hrs out, then fuck you.
oh and in the most hypocritical fashion, the mil and fil intend to sit down with the bil to talk about his latest spontaneous phase. all i can do is laugh. it's clear he's rebelling and they dont like it. of course the c-sil is thrilled because any time the family turns their wrath toward the bil, she's overjoyed and even more self-righteous. so they're going to lecture bil about being spontaneous, when meanwhile 2 weeks ago while we were at the farm the three of them (c-sil, fil, and mil) were in discussions at 19:30 on a friday night trying to rearrange everyone's sleeping arrangements. the aunts and uncles from out of town had all made reservations at various hotels and there the three of them were trying to unarrange them without anyone's permission. the fil approached us and told us that he and the mil would be staying here at our house, which meant displacing other aunts and uncles who had reservations, just so that they could have them all at the c-sil's place.
well, if that isnt rude or spontaneous or downright fucking ignorant, i dont know what is....but call everyone else out on their perceived bullshit you mother fuckers...why not???
we went to the farm on 16-jul-10. spent it with the inlaws and the crazies in the family. it was a good time, but when the mil wasnt insulting me indirectly or the sil wasnt pouting and putting on her "i'm sooooooo self aware" (saying that as she walked around in her decades old shirt and backward baseball cap and her low-slung pony tail--all which were NOT flattering in the least), i was off taking pictures and walking around by myself (which made it a GOOD time).
the farm is quite a pretty place. i found a rock to sit on which faced east and i just sat there and listened to the wind rustle through the grasses and watched the sky darken with the approaching storm and suddenly realised why ch's crazy aunt bernie wants to stay there. it's beautiful. the silence is mesmerising.
here are some of the pics i took while i was walking around:
this is the sil's catch phrase. she says it often, usually just after she's scorned someone (who isnt within earshot to defend themselves) and says it loudly.
i heard it uttered friday night as i walked past and i momentarily stopped in my gait (almost did a half shuffle of sorts) and rolled my eyes. of course she didnt see me roll my eyes but i'm sure the hesitation was palpable and observed.
usually the most inept fools are the ones blasting off about how "self aware" they are and how uppitty-uppitty. she's the last mother fucker who'd know how aware she is of things...afterall, she's the one who hasnt changed a thing about herself since high school.
i've got dust bunnies more self aware than she is.
fuck she's stupid.
it's been a while since i've been here and it seems the days blast past me and i suddenly wonder how it could possibly be the last third of july. it feels as if the summer is already over. the nights here have been very cold (for yxh that is) and they feel septemberish. there's always a feeling that is in the air around that time of year. i cant quite put my finger on it, but i feel the same sensations around september and have ever since i was a kid. i dont think that first day of school feeling will ever leave, no matter how hard i try to shake it.
so this season has been unusually brutal in that we've had way more wind that we've ever had, which just gets a girl down. and our hot desert days have seemingly deserted us and we've had a hell of a lot more rain that we've had in july in years gone by. and as i mentioned, the nights are cooler than they've been before, too. you just simply can not sit out at night without a jacket. there is definitely a bite in the air.
i'm procrastinating today, so there will be more entries...i have to clean the house, but i just dont have the drive or desire. i know it will come to me eventually.
my aloe is now recovering after what i figured would be a rocky start to its new home.
i repotted it a few months ago and moved it into its permanent pot and location in front of my south facing livingroom window. i foolishly put in organic material from my compost bucket when i repotted it and for a while there, all the bottom leaves were sagging and pinching themselves off.
i was sure the thing was a goner.
just the other day, i noticed a welcome sight: the asparagus-like shoot rising out of the pot, poised to blossom! obviously the plant is doing fine and has recovered and if it's happy enough to flower, then it has survived that scare!!
i've decided that this summer will be the summer i finally finish the gardens in the back. it's been going on for about 3 years running where i've been out there putzing around and cutting back sod and postponing putting brick or some kind of landscape tile between the grass and garden. i've just decided to bite the bullet and do it this year.
i tried starting out spraying the grass last weekend and using a garden hose as a template to design my garden shape. all i'm really looking for is curves to the edges, rather than straight lines. i think curves are my subtle way of saying FU to the inlaws who are squares and rigid.
so i was out there sunday trying to spray lines and didnt get it right. the hose wasnt cooperating and i got more pink paint on it than the grass. i was totally frustrated at the end of it and freehanded the east side.
i started digging sunday as well and that was slow going, mostly because i didnt wet the grass prior to digging. it sure makes a huge difference in lifting up sod if the grass is wet. i did a bit of the west side and figured i'd do the rest later. weather prevented me from actually going to town on it and i didnt get digging until today.
i finished off both sides. it was a bitch tho. i did the west side around 4pm which was really dumb. i was already tired from the gym and hot and sweaty and to undertake that digging was utter bullshit. i waited a few hours and went out about 1hr ago and finished the east side off....it's all done, save the aesthetics. it's not perfect, but a little work here and there will make it much better.
once it's dug out to my liking, i'll be searching for blocks or cement or stones to finish it off. from there i'll hold off on the garden...i just might add a couple more shrubs for the newer areas and will definitely add tulip bulbs and more springy bulbs in the fall this year. i really enjoyed my tulips this year, so i cant wait to bring more into the garden next season. i'm still not sure if i'll mulch it or put bark in there to finish it off. bark etc is unsightly at times and i'll need a shitload of it in order to make it all work. i'm mostly concerned about the weeds in there, so if i do put down bark i'm going to go the environmental route and line newspapers all throughout my garden, wet them, and then cover them with the bark/mulch so that it will hopefully clog out all the weeds.
so that is it...for now tho i'm very tired and worn out...and grateful to be out of the sandflies who were just horrid tonight...today was the first day i've been really affected by them and the first day i've seen them out in 2010, reminding me how much summer here can be a royal pain in the ass.
in addendum to the previous post...
i had sent the email to the useless sil a couple weeks ago and it's been radio silence.
ch had been informed that we were taking the kids to the stampede through his sister and heard this all last night.
today ch emailed his brother asking wtf was going on because we hadnt heard and we needed to know. his brother responded and told him that everything would be ok and that they just discussed it "last night", which would have been wed night.
today the fat useless sil phoned here and told ch that she has been much too "busy" to answer emails and my emails got lost in the shuffle of things and that they'd been just discussing it all tonight.
too many fucking LIES, LIES, LIES.
seriously...
any dealings i've ever had with the inlaws have always resulted in some clusterfuck because none of them can possibly sit back and let people do as they please without injecting their wisdom into the matter.
as mentioned earlier, we had asked the other sil if we could take her kids to the stampede for the day. we never heard anything until yesterday when the other sil stopped in at the shop to see ch and told him that her mom told her that her brother said we're taking the kids. (see? it's already a clusterfuck in just the telling of the story, for fuckssake!!)
so it's obvious there are a few issues going on here, the first being communication. it's really not that hard for someone to return an email and say "yes", "no'', or "go fuck yourself". i think it takes all of 2 minutes and instead of leaving ch and i hanging and angry she was perhaps being a passive aggressive twat, she could very well have emailed us and let us know the answer. we're adults and big kids now: we can take a no. it's possible.
so then of course now the entire family is involved in this 5 hour day, despite it just being ch and i and the kids. now the fil and mil are involved and to this hour, i think ch has talked to the mil at least 2 times today about this. the other sil who isnt remotely involved in anything has talked to us at least 2 or three times now about this bullshit.
it was all shit i was hoping to avoid. if the stupid bil and his wife would have just talked to us instead of yammering to their mom and dad about it, i think this whole day would have been a little less complicated.
and now as it stands, ch wants his sil to look after our dogs so we can make this day possible. i have this feeling that she will suddenly need to be in yyc tues/wed and wont be able to take the dogs, despite telling him earlier that she is returning to yxh monday.
ch also thought that his mom might be around wed and "why dont we just bring her along with us to the stampede?" well, FFS, if that is the case (which fortunately it isnt), i'd just stay home. i have expressed to him more than once now that it would be nice to see the kids without someone else interfering, whether it's the mil, fil, or the other fucking sil...it would be nice to just go and do and be with them and spoil them rotten without someone there taking notes to suggest we're not doing it right. because if there's anything the inlaws are good at, it's fucking taking notes and criticising and yammering about it endlessly.
really, the day should be a pleasant one. ch, me, the kids...i think it could go well. i'm excited. but at this point, i really feel that i dont need the sil tagging along (which is a possibility, as she cant bear to not know all the details) or the mil or fil interfering in some manner. and it wouldnt end there either: we'll never hear the end of how we took them there and how "next year" it will be the sil's turn to do that and since we did it this year, we've somehow started some invisible tradeoff of aunt/uncle time, despite not asking her to participate.
like i said, anything involving these assholes is completely complicated and it gives me a migrane thinking about it.
it feels like forever since i've been on here, even tho it's only been a few days.
i'm back at it today at the gym. i'll be heading over there after lunch. lunch today is cucumber sandwiches because ch's crazy aunt dropped off a huge bag of them. wtf do you do with that many cukes?
i've decided that it's arms day mondays, chest and back tuesdays, abs wed, legs thursday, cardio friday. of course this will likely change as things go on.
i'm going to do a full cable day one of these days. really like using the cable machine. so many alternatives and options and i love it.
i'm not exactly thrilled with doing cardio today. actually lately cardio has been a struggle. i think it's because of the emotional eating i'm doing. i also over did it last week with running and ran 2 days in a row, which was a no-no. i could feel my shins quite badly and was limping afterward, due in part to the shoes i was wearing, but also a back to back run isnt necessarily good for me.
i have to get on my bike more often. what's holding me back right now is not being able to find the key to the damned lock. i was just in gtf and found a really neat bike lock and should have bought it. didnt. really dumb. ideally i would like to ride the bike to the gym and back before working out, which would be about a 15 min ride each way and approx 10km total. of course the k's would be longer because i wouldnt be taking the direct route, but would be deeking through and past the golf course and along the river, which adds on a more k's and time.
but yeah, cardio at the gym is boring. i'd almost rather take a class to get my cardio in because i can see where only having the treadmill, elliptical, or stationary bike is going to get old fast. it would be good to do some jacks, burpees, and mountain climbers just to change it up, but i'm not exactly comfortable with just dropping and doing it on the spot unless i can find a quiet corner of the gym.
so today is arms, my favourite day. i've decided that it's the perfect thing to do mondays to get me back into the gym. i think that if i made mondays legs, i'd never go.
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