i've been suffering all week. it seems that the balances never quite add up to the number that the books have. oh and the books have been all wonky by not doling out proper vacation pay as well as perceived incorrect backups...
all of which resulted in screaming, crying, and yelling.
what a joy to be a woman.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
oh the humanity!!
i got called a bitch today by some middle aged mom wanna be minivan driver.
i was in the walmart parking lot and witnessed her kid push their cart out of the way of their suv and behind another vehicle, despite there being a cart stall less than 2 car stalls away. i was walking past as all this happened and looked and rolled my eyes and kept walking.
well hormonal mommy dearest saw that so when she drove past me, she got the upper hand by mouthing "bitch" at me through the driver's side window. oh the sting. so i just said back "oh you too" and got in the jeep.
the problem with these passive aggressive cunts is that they forget that it's a small town and you're not always safe because you pull a jenny or kenny and scream at someone from a moving vehicle. as luck would have it, i ended up right behind her at the next set of lights. i dont think the stupid ass caught on till i was behind her following her 40km/hr down strachan. yeah, i probably could have pulled up beside her and put the window down and yelled obscenities, but i prefer to exact revenge coldly. i'm sure that once she saw who it was following her and changing lanes as she did, she panicked.
what this asshole didnt realise is that calling me a bitch is probably not far off the mark, but doing so in a moving vehicle doesnt necessarily guarantee her safety. if i can pull up behind you less than 2 mins after your perceived insult, you arent exactly the smartest cookie in the parking lot. i saw her license plate (WLF 547). she didnt get mine. so if i was at all the bitch that she thinks i am, i could very well find her and do things to her vehicle and she'd never have the slightest idea of how to figure out who it was.
anyway, i followed her down strachan to 13th and made a right just as she did. i was turning left at the next set of lights and changed lanes...you should have seen her speed up! she couldnt do 60 fast enough so that i couldnt pull alongside her. nevermind that we were the only 2 vehicles on strachan when she was doing 40, and i would have had ample opportunity to pull alongside her then...i found utter amusement in her panic. my intention was not to pull alongside her because i'd had enough of the confrontation, but to scare her into thinking i was going to follow her home and assault her. i think inciting fear is more satisfying than calling someone a bitch.
and i have her license number...does she really think that her comment was a success?
who's laughing now, bitch?
i was in the walmart parking lot and witnessed her kid push their cart out of the way of their suv and behind another vehicle, despite there being a cart stall less than 2 car stalls away. i was walking past as all this happened and looked and rolled my eyes and kept walking.
well hormonal mommy dearest saw that so when she drove past me, she got the upper hand by mouthing "bitch" at me through the driver's side window. oh the sting. so i just said back "oh you too" and got in the jeep.
the problem with these passive aggressive cunts is that they forget that it's a small town and you're not always safe because you pull a jenny or kenny and scream at someone from a moving vehicle. as luck would have it, i ended up right behind her at the next set of lights. i dont think the stupid ass caught on till i was behind her following her 40km/hr down strachan. yeah, i probably could have pulled up beside her and put the window down and yelled obscenities, but i prefer to exact revenge coldly. i'm sure that once she saw who it was following her and changing lanes as she did, she panicked.
what this asshole didnt realise is that calling me a bitch is probably not far off the mark, but doing so in a moving vehicle doesnt necessarily guarantee her safety. if i can pull up behind you less than 2 mins after your perceived insult, you arent exactly the smartest cookie in the parking lot. i saw her license plate (WLF 547). she didnt get mine. so if i was at all the bitch that she thinks i am, i could very well find her and do things to her vehicle and she'd never have the slightest idea of how to figure out who it was.
anyway, i followed her down strachan to 13th and made a right just as she did. i was turning left at the next set of lights and changed lanes...you should have seen her speed up! she couldnt do 60 fast enough so that i couldnt pull alongside her. nevermind that we were the only 2 vehicles on strachan when she was doing 40, and i would have had ample opportunity to pull alongside her then...i found utter amusement in her panic. my intention was not to pull alongside her because i'd had enough of the confrontation, but to scare her into thinking i was going to follow her home and assault her. i think inciting fear is more satisfying than calling someone a bitch.
and i have her license number...does she really think that her comment was a success?
who's laughing now, bitch?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
who knew?
that scotia bank was right when they said "you're richer than you think"?
fuck, i've spent the last few days really stressing out about money and shit and just checked my bank account and it wasnt as harsh as i had expected. seriously, i love these times of the month when you stress about shit and then find out it's not nearly as bad as you predicted.
of course it helps that i made a conservative grocery shop last week and have cancelled a couple of appointments which would further drain my account.
but now things seem to be more manageable...thank goodness.
fuck, i've spent the last few days really stressing out about money and shit and just checked my bank account and it wasnt as harsh as i had expected. seriously, i love these times of the month when you stress about shit and then find out it's not nearly as bad as you predicted.
of course it helps that i made a conservative grocery shop last week and have cancelled a couple of appointments which would further drain my account.
but now things seem to be more manageable...thank goodness.
word of the day
wapanese.
“Wapanese” are decidedly caucasian individuals who, by means of thoroughly warped postmodern acculturation processes, have come to the decision that it is in their best interest to act as if they were denizens of the nation of Japan. The term “wapanese” can be accurately though of as an analog to wigger. A whitey can be classified as a “Wapanese” if they are in possession of two or more of the following defining traits:
1. Has an unhealthy obsession with shallow, saccharine and intellectually insulting animation shows (also refered to as anime by the nerd elite) originally tailored for young Japanese children
2. Operates under the erroneous belief that every aspect of American culture is vastly inferior to that of Japan’s – even though 99.9% of Wapanese have never had firsthand experience of any sort with their preferred culture (in other words, they’ve never set so much as one foot upon the island(s) of Japan)
funny enough, gwen stefani's picture appears under this dictionary definition! uh-haw, that's my shit!
“Wapanese” are decidedly caucasian individuals who, by means of thoroughly warped postmodern acculturation processes, have come to the decision that it is in their best interest to act as if they were denizens of the nation of Japan. The term “wapanese” can be accurately though of as an analog to wigger. A whitey can be classified as a “Wapanese” if they are in possession of two or more of the following defining traits:
1. Has an unhealthy obsession with shallow, saccharine and intellectually insulting animation shows (also refered to as anime by the nerd elite) originally tailored for young Japanese children
2. Operates under the erroneous belief that every aspect of American culture is vastly inferior to that of Japan’s – even though 99.9% of Wapanese have never had firsthand experience of any sort with their preferred culture (in other words, they’ve never set so much as one foot upon the island(s) of Japan)
funny enough, gwen stefani's picture appears under this dictionary definition! uh-haw, that's my shit!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
PROcrastination
we had a lot of snow and wind and because we live on the periphery of the bald assed prairie, we are treated to huge drifts across the driveway and sidewalk.
shovelling duty has always defaulted to me. i have no idea why, it just is what it is i suppose. drives me nuts. i like living where we do, but christallfuckingmighty, i hate shovelling the snow and i loathe the tumbleweeds and garbage that blow into our yard. if we lived in a more developed area [read: older] then i wouldnt have half the problems i do now. likely the wind would be blocked more and there'd be less bullshit flying into our yard.
as i type this i can hear the wind howling outside and i just cringe because it's not going to be pleasant shovelling that shit.
putting it off as long as i possibly fucking can.
shovelling duty has always defaulted to me. i have no idea why, it just is what it is i suppose. drives me nuts. i like living where we do, but christallfuckingmighty, i hate shovelling the snow and i loathe the tumbleweeds and garbage that blow into our yard. if we lived in a more developed area [read: older] then i wouldnt have half the problems i do now. likely the wind would be blocked more and there'd be less bullshit flying into our yard.
as i type this i can hear the wind howling outside and i just cringe because it's not going to be pleasant shovelling that shit.
putting it off as long as i possibly fucking can.
chucks!
make your own chucks @ http://www.converse.com/#/products/shoes/converseone/builder/chuTayLayUpCan0909
rockn, rolln, and outta controlln
i went out to the roller derby tonight with michelle and jacques. i really thought it was an amazing slice of life that you dont ordinarily see in the hat. lots of goth and emo chicks who were rockin it. and the bodies? let me tell you, roller derby brings a different slice of life. i dont think they're looking for athletes per se, so you see girls of all shapes and sizes. when i look at it, it's a bunch of chicks who are out there, not afraid of how they look, they're just doing their thing and loving it. girl power!
lots of girls, lots of hairdos...definitely a lot of alternative dressing people, which made me think that i need to pull the rug out from under my feet and change it up. either get a fucking piercing, put some wack red or pink streak in my hair, or definitely start dressing differently. maybe with a bit more edge.
i loved it that these chicks gave shit but wouldnt take it. hip checks, elbows, knee slides, and ass slams into the concrete and they'd get up and give'er. tough. just all out chicks putting it out there, regardless of how much their muffin tops hung out of their shorts. you could really sense a family in the skaters and jammers. it was fucking cool. i wish i knew how to skate. i think it would really blow off steam because i'm such a passive aggressive cunt.
from there we went to original joe's. newly opened about 1 month ago and it is THE place to see and be seen. saw two of my fitness friends in there just tables apart from each other, which was good. had a good flatbread and hummus appy, some aprikat, and very very good conversation. for once it was great to be around 2 people who are who they are with no bullshit and are very real. no pretensions, no fakery. i knew that when i went to the bathroom mich and jacques werent talking smack about me. we just had a great time together...
all in all, a good night...and now it's bedtime for me....
night night blogland.
Friday, January 22, 2010
silencing that fucking inner critic
i know that we are our own worst critics. i get that.
i also see how others are far too critical on themselves. take my friend sandra...always complaining she's so OLD and shit. meanwhile, you'd die to look like her at 46. she's got gorgeous dark brown hair and big brown eyes and is petite. i call her my ''size 2 on a fat day'' friend. she's too damned cute.
anytime you mention aging, she is always telling you to stfu and remember that she is old. my argument is that she might be older than me, but she is cute and cute gets you further.
i notice this at the gym. i've been going to the gym with the same chicks now for 3 years. some have been really kind (amanda and oh btw, thank you!) and others ignore you completely. i can understand that. i'm not really the outgoing type so i probably come off the same way they do.
but there are girls i've had conversations with in the past who i see regularly now each night and they act as if they've never seen me before. i cant help but think that if i was prettier or thinner or fitter that they'd treat me differently.
and that's where the dichotomy comes in. i think that all my life i've been ugly. nobody was interested in me in elementary. i was clumsy and i likely smelled. i can understand that. but there are those things that stick with you like the time we had a lunchbox social and it was the girls' turn to bring the lunches and the boys on my bus saw my box and told everyone it was mine, so nobody would bid on it. oh unless you count the twerpy grade one kid who was my best friend's little brother who told me afterward that my lunch was an epic fail and that i should have put something better in there. well, fuck. but it was the sting of nobody within a five year age range bidding on my lunch because of assholes like chris malmberg, shane malmberg, and brad atkinson. oh those assholes loved to make my bus ride painful too...always hacking on me about my lack of tits. nevermind that marnie and janice had equally as small tits as me, but oh no, pick on the stupid nerd from herronton and make her grade 8 life hell, why dont you?
assholes.
and then it was jr high where i lusted after clint and that was unrequited until grade ten when he finally woke up and decided that since we were neighbours he'd like to fuck me. the trouble with that was that i was exceptionally frigid, not interested in sex, and mostly had long been over my crush on him. it was not an option. i remember he called me over under the guise of me helping him with math and then he put the moves on me. he wouldnt let me leave his house either. i was terrified. the new me now would have rationalized with him and just walked out but the old me was too naive and stupid and scared of hurting feelings to do anything about it. instead i burst into tears, tore out of there, and was afraid to leave my house. my parents were in calgary for the day and i was alone there worrying that clint would try it again later. after that episode he told the biggest asshole in senator riley (dustin rustebakke) about it all and that fucker wouldnt leave me alone about it for the rest of grade ten. kept going on that there was going to be a "private party" @ clint's and i was invited...oh and it would just be him and clint there. yeah, really great.
and then senior high i loved mitch parker. looking back, the guy was a total dork, but i really liked him. he went to LCI so he was different than the rest of the guys in nobleford. but then i ran into him in university when we were out at the bar and we chatted for a bit and before he left the table, his friend said to him, " you liked HER?" and it wasnt said with any flattery.
i think for the most part i've gotten over that stuff. really. it doesnt keep me up at night.
but lately i've just felt so fucking ugly. it's in the pictures i've seen of me where my nose looks like a fucking beak...it's the expressions on my face. everyone else looks fantastic and photographic, and i look like dog ass. i dont get it. i can fix myself up and be somewhat satisfied, but then a picture is taken and i look as if i havent touched myself. i'm way too tanned, that beak is disgusting, and dont get me started on my hair.
i look in the mirror and really wonder what the point of it all is. why bother trying? when you try, you look like ass and once again, you're on that fucking bus to mossleigh being reminded that you should have just fucking stayed in bed.
i also see how others are far too critical on themselves. take my friend sandra...always complaining she's so OLD and shit. meanwhile, you'd die to look like her at 46. she's got gorgeous dark brown hair and big brown eyes and is petite. i call her my ''size 2 on a fat day'' friend. she's too damned cute.
anytime you mention aging, she is always telling you to stfu and remember that she is old. my argument is that she might be older than me, but she is cute and cute gets you further.
i notice this at the gym. i've been going to the gym with the same chicks now for 3 years. some have been really kind (amanda and oh btw, thank you!) and others ignore you completely. i can understand that. i'm not really the outgoing type so i probably come off the same way they do.
but there are girls i've had conversations with in the past who i see regularly now each night and they act as if they've never seen me before. i cant help but think that if i was prettier or thinner or fitter that they'd treat me differently.
and that's where the dichotomy comes in. i think that all my life i've been ugly. nobody was interested in me in elementary. i was clumsy and i likely smelled. i can understand that. but there are those things that stick with you like the time we had a lunchbox social and it was the girls' turn to bring the lunches and the boys on my bus saw my box and told everyone it was mine, so nobody would bid on it. oh unless you count the twerpy grade one kid who was my best friend's little brother who told me afterward that my lunch was an epic fail and that i should have put something better in there. well, fuck. but it was the sting of nobody within a five year age range bidding on my lunch because of assholes like chris malmberg, shane malmberg, and brad atkinson. oh those assholes loved to make my bus ride painful too...always hacking on me about my lack of tits. nevermind that marnie and janice had equally as small tits as me, but oh no, pick on the stupid nerd from herronton and make her grade 8 life hell, why dont you?
assholes.
and then it was jr high where i lusted after clint and that was unrequited until grade ten when he finally woke up and decided that since we were neighbours he'd like to fuck me. the trouble with that was that i was exceptionally frigid, not interested in sex, and mostly had long been over my crush on him. it was not an option. i remember he called me over under the guise of me helping him with math and then he put the moves on me. he wouldnt let me leave his house either. i was terrified. the new me now would have rationalized with him and just walked out but the old me was too naive and stupid and scared of hurting feelings to do anything about it. instead i burst into tears, tore out of there, and was afraid to leave my house. my parents were in calgary for the day and i was alone there worrying that clint would try it again later. after that episode he told the biggest asshole in senator riley (dustin rustebakke) about it all and that fucker wouldnt leave me alone about it for the rest of grade ten. kept going on that there was going to be a "private party" @ clint's and i was invited...oh and it would just be him and clint there. yeah, really great.
and then senior high i loved mitch parker. looking back, the guy was a total dork, but i really liked him. he went to LCI so he was different than the rest of the guys in nobleford. but then i ran into him in university when we were out at the bar and we chatted for a bit and before he left the table, his friend said to him, " you liked HER?" and it wasnt said with any flattery.
i think for the most part i've gotten over that stuff. really. it doesnt keep me up at night.
but lately i've just felt so fucking ugly. it's in the pictures i've seen of me where my nose looks like a fucking beak...it's the expressions on my face. everyone else looks fantastic and photographic, and i look like dog ass. i dont get it. i can fix myself up and be somewhat satisfied, but then a picture is taken and i look as if i havent touched myself. i'm way too tanned, that beak is disgusting, and dont get me started on my hair.
i look in the mirror and really wonder what the point of it all is. why bother trying? when you try, you look like ass and once again, you're on that fucking bus to mossleigh being reminded that you should have just fucking stayed in bed.
blessings
so we sent blessings a letter the other day. it wasnt much, just about 2 pages telling him what our story was, plus another two with maps of where we live compared to him.
i then went to the dollar store to buy some stickers and found a sports themed coloring book. crayons dont ship flat, but i was hoping he might enjoy the pictures inside.
so i took all this to the post office and sent it regular airmail to the tune of $14.00! for a fucking envelope and contents weighing less than a fucking orange.
bullshit!
i then went to the dollar store to buy some stickers and found a sports themed coloring book. crayons dont ship flat, but i was hoping he might enjoy the pictures inside.
so i took all this to the post office and sent it regular airmail to the tune of $14.00! for a fucking envelope and contents weighing less than a fucking orange.
bullshit!
speak n say...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r838pJCS2o0
here's the song.
funny how the message boards are out there describing the song as a man and woman who sound like robots.
robots! ha ha!
here's the song.
funny how the message boards are out there describing the song as a man and woman who sound like robots.
robots! ha ha!
hum.
sometimes i think my life is an absolute mess. kinda like the mess of a sloppily typed password. you kind of know you typed it in wrong but somehow you cant stop your fingers from continuing to type it in.
yeah, kinda like that.
yeah, kinda like that.
hmmmm?
i often go to shaw's VOD menu to watch shows from HBO as if i'm renting a dvd.
for some reason "californication" is titled "CALIFORNICTION"...it's missing the A.
i wonder if that is deliberate so that people dont complain?
but god, the prudes would wither up and faint if they actually watched the show with all the Fuck bombs...
i wonder why they label it like that?
for some reason "californication" is titled "CALIFORNICTION"...it's missing the A.
i wonder if that is deliberate so that people dont complain?
but god, the prudes would wither up and faint if they actually watched the show with all the Fuck bombs...
i wonder why they label it like that?
sweat speak n say
today's exercise class was one minute cardio: do something for one minute. in *theory* a good instructor makes it into an exponential workout, meaning that you do something for one minute, build onto it with something else for the next minute, go back to the first, the second, and add on a third exercise, etc. until you are doing about 8 different exercises in a row continuously. i'm not sure if i'm explaining it correctly, but a good instructor (read: NOT fifi) would do that.
fifi's idea of one minute cardio was doing jumping jacks for one minute, and then switching to a myriad of different exercises for another minute. basically all we did were jumping jacks, running on the spot, double jacks, and oh let's not forget burpees, shall we? fuck.
part way through the class she wanted us to partner up, something i absolutely loathe because it's just stupid and of course i revert to my childhood and being the last picked consistantly. and at this class it's really not much different in that i'm there solo, talking to nobody BY CHOICE, and basically keeping my head down and focussed on my form and not my neighbour. generally. (altho i have to admit that sometimes these bitches make for interesting fitness commentary afterward while i retell it to friends, but whatever).
so while we were partnered up a song came on that had dubbed in voices from speak n spell. it was going on in sentences saying something about "getting my satisfaction" and saying "satisfaction" over and over again. i fucking thought it was hilarious. and what was more hilarious was that nobody else budged when this song came on. they just lamely did their thing, so i turned to one of the older girls in the group and said "isnt this speak n spell" and she laughed and said "yes", but i am not too sure she really understood what i was saying.
aaaaah speak n spell...reminds me of the good old days of merlin and simon. remember those?
ribbed for MY pleasure? you sure about that?
wednesday i bought condoms. probably the first time in about 2 yrs. we havent been using any form of birth control, which I KNOW is retarded. i get paranoid around the middle of the month and then worry for 2 weeks straight till i get aunt flo. i'm tired of it and this is about the only thing that will make me relax, other than the usual abstinence.
(and i say "usual" because it usually IS)
the bunch of condoms i purchased were made by durex called ''play''. there was a tingling one in there (which makes me wonder if it will produce freaking rashes, itches, and infections), a few regular ones, a heating one, and one that was dubbed "her pleasure". i'm assuming it has more ridges on there which to me are so HO HUM, but when i inspected closely, there is FLAVOURED LUBRICANT on there!
ok, let me get this straight: you market this shit for women but then you add a flavoured lubricant to it? so basically, you are expecting blow jobs, yes? well, how the fuck is that women's pleasure? i realise that there are women out there who like that, but i'm not fanatical and i dont see it being MY pleasure and generally speaking, going down on a man pleasures a woman how?
if you ask me, durex is going to have to change that name from "women's pleasure" to "ok yes, i suppose i'll go down on you but only this once because i'm not injesting creaky rubber tasting condoms and hum, it's weakly flavoured like grape but i can still taste the rubber, and oh good christ are you done YET?"
(and i say "usual" because it usually IS)
the bunch of condoms i purchased were made by durex called ''play''. there was a tingling one in there (which makes me wonder if it will produce freaking rashes, itches, and infections), a few regular ones, a heating one, and one that was dubbed "her pleasure". i'm assuming it has more ridges on there which to me are so HO HUM, but when i inspected closely, there is FLAVOURED LUBRICANT on there!
ok, let me get this straight: you market this shit for women but then you add a flavoured lubricant to it? so basically, you are expecting blow jobs, yes? well, how the fuck is that women's pleasure? i realise that there are women out there who like that, but i'm not fanatical and i dont see it being MY pleasure and generally speaking, going down on a man pleasures a woman how?
if you ask me, durex is going to have to change that name from "women's pleasure" to "ok yes, i suppose i'll go down on you but only this once because i'm not injesting creaky rubber tasting condoms and hum, it's weakly flavoured like grape but i can still taste the rubber, and oh good christ are you done YET?"
Thursday, January 21, 2010
dental drama
i just got back from the dentist...$323 later and my teeth are checked and cleaned and polished. kinda seems a bit excessive, doesnt it?
thank god we have insurance, but we have to pay for it all up front. i get about 80% of it covered, so it's not that bad, but i have to put it on my mastercard, which blows. fuck, that stupid mastercard pisses me off. racked up and uncontrollable at times and i just loathe bringing that fucker out.
back to the dentist next year. i only go once a year. i really dont have major problems. oh sure, he's always trying to convince me that i should get braces. he's talked my ears off about getting "red white and blues" two years in a row and this year it was all about the "damon brackets"...uh huh. of course there is an orthodontic record charge if i say i'm interested in pursuing something. i'm not.
i will take my teeth as they are: slightly imperfect, but all out healthy. fuckin eh!
thank god we have insurance, but we have to pay for it all up front. i get about 80% of it covered, so it's not that bad, but i have to put it on my mastercard, which blows. fuck, that stupid mastercard pisses me off. racked up and uncontrollable at times and i just loathe bringing that fucker out.
back to the dentist next year. i only go once a year. i really dont have major problems. oh sure, he's always trying to convince me that i should get braces. he's talked my ears off about getting "red white and blues" two years in a row and this year it was all about the "damon brackets"...uh huh. of course there is an orthodontic record charge if i say i'm interested in pursuing something. i'm not.
i will take my teeth as they are: slightly imperfect, but all out healthy. fuckin eh!
phat camp
man it's starting to stress me out.
if it's not the $200USD plus food and hotel extra cost, it's the getting up there. sandra has been jokingly (but i'm sure seriously) talking about balking and not going. that would leave me out $300 for the weekend of hotels. definitely not cool.
to top it all off we had the car dilemma of being accused of being a snob because i wished to drive myself. oh fucking piss off. that was followed by ass kissy see through text messages. basically, i know what is coming...janine wants me to drive her up there too. i get pissy thinking about it because it's so transparent. and of course bitches talk, so there's the talk of her never paying her share for the gas. i've heard that and even tho it's never happened to me, i get testy and anxious and wonder if i'm going to have to have "that" talk about common sense and decency.
and so now she is texting me telling me she is bringing some other person along. and i get the impression she is expecting to ride along with me and bring this other girl. oh and to boot, this chick isnt staying at the hotel but is staying with a friend. why this fucking cunt cant drive herself is beyond me...
anyway, i have this sneaky suspicion that she is buttering me up to drive her and this chick along and then "just" ask if i mind taking this girl to the place she's staying and picking her up daily and shuttling her. so yeah, i could see this turning into a BIG deal of driving all over hell's half acre shuttling some girl between classes. if you ask me it's a LOT to ask of someone she's never met before.
so now i'm fucking stressed about that. and quite frankly, i'm almost at the point of saying that it's just sandra and i in the car and too fucking bad for anyone else. they can fucking drive themselves. i owe nobody favours and i most certainly am not a fucking taxi.
if it's not the $200USD plus food and hotel extra cost, it's the getting up there. sandra has been jokingly (but i'm sure seriously) talking about balking and not going. that would leave me out $300 for the weekend of hotels. definitely not cool.
to top it all off we had the car dilemma of being accused of being a snob because i wished to drive myself. oh fucking piss off. that was followed by ass kissy see through text messages. basically, i know what is coming...janine wants me to drive her up there too. i get pissy thinking about it because it's so transparent. and of course bitches talk, so there's the talk of her never paying her share for the gas. i've heard that and even tho it's never happened to me, i get testy and anxious and wonder if i'm going to have to have "that" talk about common sense and decency.
and so now she is texting me telling me she is bringing some other person along. and i get the impression she is expecting to ride along with me and bring this other girl. oh and to boot, this chick isnt staying at the hotel but is staying with a friend. why this fucking cunt cant drive herself is beyond me...
anyway, i have this sneaky suspicion that she is buttering me up to drive her and this chick along and then "just" ask if i mind taking this girl to the place she's staying and picking her up daily and shuttling her. so yeah, i could see this turning into a BIG deal of driving all over hell's half acre shuttling some girl between classes. if you ask me it's a LOT to ask of someone she's never met before.
so now i'm fucking stressed about that. and quite frankly, i'm almost at the point of saying that it's just sandra and i in the car and too fucking bad for anyone else. they can fucking drive themselves. i owe nobody favours and i most certainly am not a fucking taxi.
frustrations
i dont know what the fuck i'm doing in terms of fitness. just kinda wondering where the balance is in all of this.
maybe it's just that i feel i have to sacrifice so much, but i do feel as if i'm really missing out at times. take this past weekend...i went out, ate as i pleased, and drank. now in all honesty, i did drink a little too much. that i can admit...on monday i felt sluggish and tired and to tell you the truth, bad eating or habits are always reflected in monday or tuesday's work outs. always. i can tell if i'm not eating properly by my performance. if i'm sluggish, tired, and ass dragging, i can only blame the weekend's events.
at the same time, i am worried about being fat. totally pissed that i weighed as much as i did 2 or 3 weeks ago. totally. cant believe it in fact. had swore previously never to do that.
i do know that i had a fun summer and come to think of it, a fun year. just really didnt think too much of stuff simply because i was working out five days a week. yeah, i had felt it in some of my pants that i had put on some weight, but figured it was nowhere near 22lbs. so in the meantime i had been drinking etc and enjoying life.
previous to that, i had been on the other end of it, the extreme. avoiding bad friends, food, and drink and lost a shitload of weight. actually got below my fitter weight in yyc. but it was too extreme...it's not fun not to have a social drink or see friends, or eat wings. that sucks!
so here i sit wondering where the balance is between it all. fuck, if i cut shit out, i can look great and feel good, but at the same time i miss everything. if i continue to work out and eat whatever, i gain weight.
i really have to find a balance in life. right now it just feels as if i'd look at a beer and gain weight. think of a pocket dog and balloon up. something's gotta give and i have to figure out what. i do not like my current size yet i want to live.
maybe it's just that i feel i have to sacrifice so much, but i do feel as if i'm really missing out at times. take this past weekend...i went out, ate as i pleased, and drank. now in all honesty, i did drink a little too much. that i can admit...on monday i felt sluggish and tired and to tell you the truth, bad eating or habits are always reflected in monday or tuesday's work outs. always. i can tell if i'm not eating properly by my performance. if i'm sluggish, tired, and ass dragging, i can only blame the weekend's events.
at the same time, i am worried about being fat. totally pissed that i weighed as much as i did 2 or 3 weeks ago. totally. cant believe it in fact. had swore previously never to do that.
i do know that i had a fun summer and come to think of it, a fun year. just really didnt think too much of stuff simply because i was working out five days a week. yeah, i had felt it in some of my pants that i had put on some weight, but figured it was nowhere near 22lbs. so in the meantime i had been drinking etc and enjoying life.
previous to that, i had been on the other end of it, the extreme. avoiding bad friends, food, and drink and lost a shitload of weight. actually got below my fitter weight in yyc. but it was too extreme...it's not fun not to have a social drink or see friends, or eat wings. that sucks!
so here i sit wondering where the balance is between it all. fuck, if i cut shit out, i can look great and feel good, but at the same time i miss everything. if i continue to work out and eat whatever, i gain weight.
i really have to find a balance in life. right now it just feels as if i'd look at a beer and gain weight. think of a pocket dog and balloon up. something's gotta give and i have to figure out what. i do not like my current size yet i want to live.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
my mother's religion
taken from good housekeeping 1955.
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her place.
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her place.
just a thought
those are my mother's three favourite words right after "oh dont go".
what i dont understand about my mother is that whenever i want to do something for myself, she is always quick to tell me not to do it and then follow it up with "just a thought" as if she is casually suggesting something awesome.
this weekend ch wants to go to yyc for his annual football update. oh yeah, football is nearly over. only two more weekends and then silence from the tv, which is usually accompanied by pouting till august and preseason b.s.. so ch wants me to go to yyc with him and hang out. really, all he's looking for is someone to share the 3hr car ride. nevermind that i just did it last weekend solo without complaints, but this weekend he cant do it alone apparently. so i casually mention it to my mom, who has to "just a thought" me to death over it and tell me that i should just suck it up and go along with him. see, my mom has this 50's mentality of just making home "a nice place to be", silencing the children before he comes in the door, and making sure she serves dad food like a common slave. she has endless fights with jan and i over us being quite the opposite and GASP not starting dinner till long after our spouses are home. so in this instance, she really believes i should just STFU and go along with my husband.
next weekend i'm going to phat camp and there is a chance that my roommate isnt coming, which is an issue unto itself. i had mentioned that to my mom and said that i wasnt too happy about it and she responded with the "just a thought" that i shouldnt bother going and should just tell her that we should stay home instead.
oh, so i get it: when i want to do something for myself, i should stay home and kill the fun, but if ch wants something, i should put aside my feelings and thoughts and go along with it?
i want to slap my mom into the new decade and tell her that the 50's ended a hell of a long time ago. even when i think about things back when she was my age, she was dressing like a 60yr old in her fortrel elastic waisted pants and blouses. i dont remember my mom dressing fashionably. i'm sure it bothers her to no end that i wear jeans with a ZIPPER and shorts and tank tops. she probably thinks i should have graduated to alia or the arnold palmer section of sears by now.
regardless, i'm tired of the fifties mentality and the "just a thought"s. here's just a thought: fuck off.
what i dont understand about my mother is that whenever i want to do something for myself, she is always quick to tell me not to do it and then follow it up with "just a thought" as if she is casually suggesting something awesome.
this weekend ch wants to go to yyc for his annual football update. oh yeah, football is nearly over. only two more weekends and then silence from the tv, which is usually accompanied by pouting till august and preseason b.s.. so ch wants me to go to yyc with him and hang out. really, all he's looking for is someone to share the 3hr car ride. nevermind that i just did it last weekend solo without complaints, but this weekend he cant do it alone apparently. so i casually mention it to my mom, who has to "just a thought" me to death over it and tell me that i should just suck it up and go along with him. see, my mom has this 50's mentality of just making home "a nice place to be", silencing the children before he comes in the door, and making sure she serves dad food like a common slave. she has endless fights with jan and i over us being quite the opposite and GASP not starting dinner till long after our spouses are home. so in this instance, she really believes i should just STFU and go along with my husband.
next weekend i'm going to phat camp and there is a chance that my roommate isnt coming, which is an issue unto itself. i had mentioned that to my mom and said that i wasnt too happy about it and she responded with the "just a thought" that i shouldnt bother going and should just tell her that we should stay home instead.
oh, so i get it: when i want to do something for myself, i should stay home and kill the fun, but if ch wants something, i should put aside my feelings and thoughts and go along with it?
i want to slap my mom into the new decade and tell her that the 50's ended a hell of a long time ago. even when i think about things back when she was my age, she was dressing like a 60yr old in her fortrel elastic waisted pants and blouses. i dont remember my mom dressing fashionably. i'm sure it bothers her to no end that i wear jeans with a ZIPPER and shorts and tank tops. she probably thinks i should have graduated to alia or the arnold palmer section of sears by now.
regardless, i'm tired of the fifties mentality and the "just a thought"s. here's just a thought: fuck off.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
dreams
many years ago after my grandpa died, i had a dream about him.
i was walking in the park at the end of 40th street nw. he'd take us there occasionally. you could see out over the city, mostly bowness from there.
in my dream he was sitting on a park bench in his dapper navy blue pea coat with his beret on. and i knew he wasnt alive because tigger was sitting beside him. there was a warm west wind blowing and i ran to him and he got up and hugged me and it was a warm bulky hug that smelled like him and i exclaimed, "grandpa! you're alive!" and it was so real, you know? so very real.
i woke up crying. and i think there was a part of me that knew right then and there that it was a real experience, that i did see him, touch him, hug him, and that everything was ok.
[i'm telling you, google earth is awesome and sucks at the same time!]
i was walking in the park at the end of 40th street nw. he'd take us there occasionally. you could see out over the city, mostly bowness from there.
in my dream he was sitting on a park bench in his dapper navy blue pea coat with his beret on. and i knew he wasnt alive because tigger was sitting beside him. there was a warm west wind blowing and i ran to him and he got up and hugged me and it was a warm bulky hug that smelled like him and i exclaimed, "grandpa! you're alive!" and it was so real, you know? so very real.
i woke up crying. and i think there was a part of me that knew right then and there that it was a real experience, that i did see him, touch him, hug him, and that everything was ok.
[i'm telling you, google earth is awesome and sucks at the same time!]
google earth
the way i see it all now is a series of clicks and scrolls. i'm not physically there.
and seeing it the way it is in still life, going on without me makes me incredibly sad.
once belonging, now just a foreigner, a stranger.
sad.
and seeing it the way it is in still life, going on without me makes me incredibly sad.
once belonging, now just a foreigner, a stranger.
sad.
noise and then silence
ch and i definitely have different schedules. apart from the obvious of him sleeping till noon daily and me getting up early and going to bed relatively early, there are differences that have become annoying as of late.
for the most part, ch retreats into himself when he's sober. spends lots of time either watching tv, playing video games, or writing emails. but after a few drinks he's wired for sound and wanting to talk and talk and talk. and it's always the same stuff going on in an endless uninterruptable monologue: work, life, stories told over and over again. even if i cut him off 1/2 way through, he will still finish the story.
most times i dont mind because he is a really quiet person. and i think, apart from his siiiiiiiiiister and mother, i'm really the only female he opens up to and blabs with.
but what irritates me is his penchant for talking to me when i'm trying to do something. it just seems that when i'm trying to read something or am busy with something that requires my full concentration, he's yammering at me. i have to finally abandon what i'm doing in order to let him finish whatever it is he's trying to say.
right now he's downstairs playing video games drinking a beer. when i return home from the gym he will still be there, likely 4 beer deep into the afternoon. give him 1 hr and he will be wanting to talk to me...and by that time i'll be doing something that doesnt involve conversation. guaranteed.
oh the joys of married life....going now...to look at my old sunnyside apartment on line.
for the most part, ch retreats into himself when he's sober. spends lots of time either watching tv, playing video games, or writing emails. but after a few drinks he's wired for sound and wanting to talk and talk and talk. and it's always the same stuff going on in an endless uninterruptable monologue: work, life, stories told over and over again. even if i cut him off 1/2 way through, he will still finish the story.
most times i dont mind because he is a really quiet person. and i think, apart from his siiiiiiiiiister and mother, i'm really the only female he opens up to and blabs with.
but what irritates me is his penchant for talking to me when i'm trying to do something. it just seems that when i'm trying to read something or am busy with something that requires my full concentration, he's yammering at me. i have to finally abandon what i'm doing in order to let him finish whatever it is he's trying to say.
right now he's downstairs playing video games drinking a beer. when i return home from the gym he will still be there, likely 4 beer deep into the afternoon. give him 1 hr and he will be wanting to talk to me...and by that time i'll be doing something that doesnt involve conversation. guaranteed.
oh the joys of married life....going now...to look at my old sunnyside apartment on line.
quote
" the stillness fools you, because it's never really still. the stillness is the time before the change."
~elizabeth hay
~elizabeth hay
late nights on air
finished.
i really enjoyed this book, shed a few tears part way through.
harry stood for a moment watching her. her head looked like the heaviest of peonies after a rain, her body tilted forward over ralph's. and the thought came to him that it wasnt just one person who had died, but all the filaments of life connecting that person to everyone he'd ever known and to every place he'd ever been.
i really enjoyed this book, shed a few tears part way through.
harry stood for a moment watching her. her head looked like the heaviest of peonies after a rain, her body tilted forward over ralph's. and the thought came to him that it wasnt just one person who had died, but all the filaments of life connecting that person to everyone he'd ever known and to every place he'd ever been.
lose vs. loose
i'm telling you, the number of people out there that know the difference between these two words is shrinking.
i have read many sites or emails where people use "loose" when they really mean "lose". "i need to loose weight"...fuck, you dont need to LOOSE it, you need to LOSE it. oh, and pick up a dictionary too.
fucking drives me nuts when people fuck up BASIC english.
i have read many sites or emails where people use "loose" when they really mean "lose". "i need to loose weight"...fuck, you dont need to LOOSE it, you need to LOSE it. oh, and pick up a dictionary too.
fucking drives me nuts when people fuck up BASIC english.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
holy shit
this IS my old apartment!!
http://www.realtor.ca/propertyDetails.aspx?propertyId=8735900
it's a shame it's on the bottom of the building because it was my favourite. if it had a balcony i'd have never left...
i cant believe there's just over 500sq feet...and the price?!? holy shit.
http://www.realtor.ca/propertyDetails.aspx?propertyId=8735900
it's a shame it's on the bottom of the building because it was my favourite. if it had a balcony i'd have never left...
i cant believe there's just over 500sq feet...and the price?!? holy shit.
my day
i have had the most unproductive day, ever.
i got up, tooled around on the internet, "virtually" chatted with a few friends over email, got a phone call from my sister telling me all about panama for 2hrs, and am back to surfing the net. here it is 3:15 and nothing has been accomplished other than a shower and a made bed. i feel sluggish and off kilter. maybe it's from being on google earth and going through my old haunts in yyc: kensington, my old apartment that is now for sale (which reminds me to check it out on mls.ca), inglewood, deer run...i even swung by dave's place and we havent talked in years.
but now my world is all wierd and i'm wired from diet pepsi...time to collect the thoughts and get geared up for the gym....
i got up, tooled around on the internet, "virtually" chatted with a few friends over email, got a phone call from my sister telling me all about panama for 2hrs, and am back to surfing the net. here it is 3:15 and nothing has been accomplished other than a shower and a made bed. i feel sluggish and off kilter. maybe it's from being on google earth and going through my old haunts in yyc: kensington, my old apartment that is now for sale (which reminds me to check it out on mls.ca), inglewood, deer run...i even swung by dave's place and we havent talked in years.
but now my world is all wierd and i'm wired from diet pepsi...time to collect the thoughts and get geared up for the gym....
grumpy old bitch
that's me.
just cantankerous today.
i think it was the telus shit that kinda started it out.
that, and the fucking bitches i'm going to phat camp with...fuckers.
with women, EVERYTHING is complicated. everything.
we are going up to yyc the last weekend of the month. i figured i'd be staying alone. contemplated staying with the inlaws or just even on my own in a hotel room. i dont want to bunk with a stranger...i'd like to take a shit/fart/whatever in private. then i find out that my friend sandra's coming along and we will share a room together. hey, that works for me. we will definitley have some fun together. we think alike so it will be a good time, guaranteed.
so then the emails come out about how we'll get there and they're fishing for drivers. i stay silent because sandra and i have agreed to go together in my car. the less people the better. the optimal reason for me is that i can escape when i want without bullshit. there are six of us going, so do i really want to be stuck waiting for a couple of people when i could just be responsible for me and one other person? and citing my past example from vegas, i was happy that we chose 2 vehicles to go to great falls because the other party wanted to stay longer when there was a flight delay; i wanted to get home. glad we went that way. same deal for yyc.
so then someone volunteered to drive and has room for six, but basically bitched that if she took all six, there'd be less room for cargo. so i just spoke up and said that they'd have plenty of room since sandra and i were going separately. well, that just created a shit storm of bitching. fuck. i do not want to be crammed into someone's vehicle for 3 hrs with five other bitches i barely know. i'm sorry, that isnt a good time for me. and because i'm tall, inevitably i'd be stuck in some cramped position. i would far rather drive and be comfortable than be stuck for three hours.
i went to the gym last night where it got mentioned that i'm being a snob by driving solo. fuck off. then this morning i got a bb txt from janine mentioning that she wouldnt mind coming with us etc. make up your fucking mind. you were content to go with kendee ten minutes before that and now that i'm going separately you want to come with us? whatever. i kinda just get tired of all the bs and want to do my own thing.
just cantankerous today.
i think it was the telus shit that kinda started it out.
that, and the fucking bitches i'm going to phat camp with...fuckers.
with women, EVERYTHING is complicated. everything.
we are going up to yyc the last weekend of the month. i figured i'd be staying alone. contemplated staying with the inlaws or just even on my own in a hotel room. i dont want to bunk with a stranger...i'd like to take a shit/fart/whatever in private. then i find out that my friend sandra's coming along and we will share a room together. hey, that works for me. we will definitley have some fun together. we think alike so it will be a good time, guaranteed.
so then the emails come out about how we'll get there and they're fishing for drivers. i stay silent because sandra and i have agreed to go together in my car. the less people the better. the optimal reason for me is that i can escape when i want without bullshit. there are six of us going, so do i really want to be stuck waiting for a couple of people when i could just be responsible for me and one other person? and citing my past example from vegas, i was happy that we chose 2 vehicles to go to great falls because the other party wanted to stay longer when there was a flight delay; i wanted to get home. glad we went that way. same deal for yyc.
so then someone volunteered to drive and has room for six, but basically bitched that if she took all six, there'd be less room for cargo. so i just spoke up and said that they'd have plenty of room since sandra and i were going separately. well, that just created a shit storm of bitching. fuck. i do not want to be crammed into someone's vehicle for 3 hrs with five other bitches i barely know. i'm sorry, that isnt a good time for me. and because i'm tall, inevitably i'd be stuck in some cramped position. i would far rather drive and be comfortable than be stuck for three hours.
i went to the gym last night where it got mentioned that i'm being a snob by driving solo. fuck off. then this morning i got a bb txt from janine mentioning that she wouldnt mind coming with us etc. make up your fucking mind. you were content to go with kendee ten minutes before that and now that i'm going separately you want to come with us? whatever. i kinda just get tired of all the bs and want to do my own thing.
spam
i'm tired of these fucktards sending me these god damned spam messages. i've received this one THREE times today...and fucking telus mail isnt working properly to send it to the spam graveyard. piss me off. i just wish there was a way to get even with these fucking assholes for sending this trash repeatedly.
Elizabeth Edward
elizebeth_edward@hotmail.fr
The "About Last Night: Pictures From Tuesday, Jan. 12th" story is located at http://espn.go.com/blog/sportscenter/post/_/id/21809/about-last-night-pictures-from-tuesday-jan-12th
Letter of Relationship
From Elizabeth Edward,
BP 460 ABIDJAN 39.
COTE D'IVORIE.
Dearest one,
Permit me to inform you of my desire to go into business relationship with you , after going through your profile and I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to the nature of my proposal,which requires a reputable and trustworthy person. Someone who will be kind and sincere to me.
l am Miss Elizabeth Edward,the only daughter of late Mr and Mrs Maxwell Edward.My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan here, the economic capital of Ivory Coast, he was poisoned to death his only brother (My Uncle) and his business associates on one of their business meeting. My mother died on the 20th october 1991 and my father took me so special because l am motherless.
Before the death of my father on 29th november 2007 in a private hospital here in Abidjan, he secretly called me on his bedside,when I sat down to listen to him, he started crying, when I aksed him why?
(1) He complained that I am too young to be managing my life with no one to take care of me,(2)That I have not finished my university education as he planned for me, he revealed to me that he has a sum of US$21.m(twenty one million u.sdollar) left in a security company here in Abidjan, that he used my name as the only daughter for his next of kin in deposit of the funds.
He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisioned by his only brother (My Uncle) and his business parterner, that l should stay away from them as they are evil,he warned me seriousily not to associate with his brother that is my uncle,that I should seek for a God fearing foreign partner in a country of my choice where l will transfer this money and use it for proper investment purpose,that I must finish my university education by the help of a business partner abroad,that he or she should help me obtain a resident permit in his or her country.
He also gave a standing instruction to the company that the deposit must be transferred outside this country. According to my father,the money was deposited as African art work to avoid attracting attention to the deposit.
I am now ready to do all these since my father my bread winner is no more. l am honourable seeking your assistance in the following ways.
(1) To serve as my guardian in your country while I will depend on your expert advise since l am a girl of 19 years.
(2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country in order to further my university education and to secure a residential permit for me in your country.
Moreover , l am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your assistance in the transfer of this deposit to your country. Furthermore, you can indicate your option towards assisting me as l believed that this project would be concluded within seven days you signify interest to assist me by contacting the security company.
Hoping to hearing from you soon. May God bless you as you extend your helping hand to the needy.Get back to me on my private box(elizebeth_edward@hotmail.fr)
I am waiting to hear your urgent respond as soon as possible.
Best regards,
Elizabeth Edward
Elizabeth Edward
Elizabeth Edward
elizebeth_edward@hotmail.fr
The "About Last Night: Pictures From Tuesday, Jan. 12th" story is located at http://espn.go.com/blog/sportscenter/post/_/id/21809/about-last-night-pictures-from-tuesday-jan-12th
Letter of Relationship
From Elizabeth Edward,
BP 460 ABIDJAN 39.
COTE D'IVORIE.
Dearest one,
Permit me to inform you of my desire to go into business relationship with you , after going through your profile and I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to the nature of my proposal,which requires a reputable and trustworthy person. Someone who will be kind and sincere to me.
l am Miss Elizabeth Edward,the only daughter of late Mr and Mrs Maxwell Edward.My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan here, the economic capital of Ivory Coast, he was poisoned to death his only brother (My Uncle) and his business associates on one of their business meeting. My mother died on the 20th october 1991 and my father took me so special because l am motherless.
Before the death of my father on 29th november 2007 in a private hospital here in Abidjan, he secretly called me on his bedside,when I sat down to listen to him, he started crying, when I aksed him why?
(1) He complained that I am too young to be managing my life with no one to take care of me,(2)That I have not finished my university education as he planned for me, he revealed to me that he has a sum of US$21.m(twenty one million u.sdollar) left in a security company here in Abidjan, that he used my name as the only daughter for his next of kin in deposit of the funds.
He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisioned by his only brother (My Uncle) and his business parterner, that l should stay away from them as they are evil,he warned me seriousily not to associate with his brother that is my uncle,that I should seek for a God fearing foreign partner in a country of my choice where l will transfer this money and use it for proper investment purpose,that I must finish my university education by the help of a business partner abroad,that he or she should help me obtain a resident permit in his or her country.
He also gave a standing instruction to the company that the deposit must be transferred outside this country. According to my father,the money was deposited as African art work to avoid attracting attention to the deposit.
I am now ready to do all these since my father my bread winner is no more. l am honourable seeking your assistance in the following ways.
(1) To serve as my guardian in your country while I will depend on your expert advise since l am a girl of 19 years.
(2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country in order to further my university education and to secure a residential permit for me in your country.
Moreover , l am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your assistance in the transfer of this deposit to your country. Furthermore, you can indicate your option towards assisting me as l believed that this project would be concluded within seven days you signify interest to assist me by contacting the security company.
Hoping to hearing from you soon. May God bless you as you extend your helping hand to the needy.Get back to me on my private box(elizebeth_edward@hotmail.fr)
I am waiting to hear your urgent respond as soon as possible.
Best regards,
Elizabeth Edward
Elizabeth Edward
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I'm going to be R-I-C-H!!!
Attn:Beneficiary,
We have actually been authorized by the newly appointed UN secretary general, and the governing body of the UNITED NATIONS monetary unit, to investigate the unnecessary delay of your inheritance fund, recommended and approved in your favour.During the course of our investigation, we discovered with dismay that your payment has been unnecessarily Delayed by corrupt officials of the Bank who are Trying to divert your money into their private accounts, to forestall this, security for your funds Was organized in the form of your personal Identification number (PIN) ATM CARD this will enable only you have direct Control over this fund, we will handle this payment ourselves to avoid the hopeless situation created by the Officials of the bank.
We obtained an irrevocable payment guarantee on your Payment from the presidency. We are happy to inform you that based on our recommendation/instructions your Entire Inheritances fund has been credited in your favor through ATM card. You are therefore advice to send your contact details to Mr Mac Henry International Audit unit, United Nations Liaison Office London: EMAIL: (unitednationoffice_atm@yahoo.co.jp) to
collect your original payment slip with your ATM card.
They will issue you an ATM card that you can use to withdraw money in any ATM machine in any part of the world, but the maximum is Ten Thousand dollars per a day. So if you like to receive your funds through this means kindly let us know by contacting the card payment center and also send the following information as stated below to them as directed above.
1. PHONES AND FAX NUMBER,
2. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD
TO (P.O BOX NOT ACCEPTABLE)
3. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION
4. HOME EQUITY {YES OR NO}.
5. YOUR FULL NAME.
NOTE: YOU ARE ADVICED TO FURNISH MR MAC HENRY WITH YOUR CORRECT CONTACT DETAILS.AND ALSO BE INFORMED THAT THE AMOUNT TO BE PAID NOW IS $8.3 MILLION THE REST WILL BE PAID TO YOU IN A LATER DATE.
We expect your urgent response to this email to enable us monitor this payment effectively thereby making contact with Mr Mac Henry as directed to avoid further delay.
CONGRATULATIONS.
PAT JAMES
UNITED NATIONS, NEW YORK
http://www.un.org/News/Press/docs/2003/ik344.doc.htm
We have actually been authorized by the newly appointed UN secretary general, and the governing body of the UNITED NATIONS monetary unit, to investigate the unnecessary delay of your inheritance fund, recommended and approved in your favour.During the course of our investigation, we discovered with dismay that your payment has been unnecessarily Delayed by corrupt officials of the Bank who are Trying to divert your money into their private accounts, to forestall this, security for your funds Was organized in the form of your personal Identification number (PIN) ATM CARD this will enable only you have direct Control over this fund, we will handle this payment ourselves to avoid the hopeless situation created by the Officials of the bank.
We obtained an irrevocable payment guarantee on your Payment from the presidency. We are happy to inform you that based on our recommendation/instructions your Entire Inheritances fund has been credited in your favor through ATM card. You are therefore advice to send your contact details to Mr Mac Henry International Audit unit, United Nations Liaison Office London: EMAIL: (unitednationoffice_atm@yahoo.co.jp) to
collect your original payment slip with your ATM card.
They will issue you an ATM card that you can use to withdraw money in any ATM machine in any part of the world, but the maximum is Ten Thousand dollars per a day. So if you like to receive your funds through this means kindly let us know by contacting the card payment center and also send the following information as stated below to them as directed above.
1. PHONES AND FAX NUMBER,
2. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD
TO (P.O BOX NOT ACCEPTABLE)
3. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION
4. HOME EQUITY {YES OR NO}.
5. YOUR FULL NAME.
NOTE: YOU ARE ADVICED TO FURNISH MR MAC HENRY WITH YOUR CORRECT CONTACT DETAILS.AND ALSO BE INFORMED THAT THE AMOUNT TO BE PAID NOW IS $8.3 MILLION THE REST WILL BE PAID TO YOU IN A LATER DATE.
We expect your urgent response to this email to enable us monitor this payment effectively thereby making contact with Mr Mac Henry as directed to avoid further delay.
CONGRATULATIONS.
PAT JAMES
UNITED NATIONS, NEW YORK
http://www.un.org/News/Press/docs/2003/ik344.doc.htm
Monday, January 11, 2010
addendum
oh yes, and before i forget...
this accounting woman tried repetitively to convince me that i simply must change my sales journal to reflect her way of thinking. over and over again, i challenged her on it and tried more than once to explain how things are done in our business and how our procedures for sales work.
finally today she saw my entire point..."yes, you're right...you should be subtracting the vendor payment from the total credit card deposit"...jesus christ, i've only been saying that now since the end of november.
i dont think that listening is an accounting skill either.
this accounting woman tried repetitively to convince me that i simply must change my sales journal to reflect her way of thinking. over and over again, i challenged her on it and tried more than once to explain how things are done in our business and how our procedures for sales work.
finally today she saw my entire point..."yes, you're right...you should be subtracting the vendor payment from the total credit card deposit"...jesus christ, i've only been saying that now since the end of november.
i dont think that listening is an accounting skill either.
what a day...
honestly. i'm beat on my feet.
the accounting person came early and left before noon. predictably, she had to take stuff back with her to work on in the office. she has no idea when she will be back to fix it all. currently we are out 137$ and change. nobody knows where it is and there is no amount in any ledger to correlate. hey, all i could do was shrug my shoulders and leave it to them. (meanwhile i can hear the bill building up)
she was kind of pissy with me when she got here because i didnt do something to speed up the process. "oh, maybe i didnt make myself clear when i asked you this". uhm, no you didnt. you just said print out the ledger and statement and highlight the outstanding cheques. i did that. but you wanted me to do it on the ledger? oh....well now you tell me. christ.
regardless, she was here 2.5 hrs, all the while apologizing profusely for the process taking so long. i told her i expected as much. i think she took affront to it, but i tried to explain it to her that it wasnt that i didnt have confidence in her but that when dealing with numbers, nothing is ever just cut and dried...at least with our books anyway. there's always a clusterfuck.
there is a fundamental difference between people of different areas of study, that's for sure. the logical types (like this lady) seem to see things in black and white, or one and one is 2 kind of linear thinking. i have more of an analytical mind, so when i'm thinking of things, i try to think outside the box. please note that outside the box is NOT welcome in the accounting world. neither is humor.
c'est la vie. i could care less. maybe it's just that kind of day.
the accounting person came early and left before noon. predictably, she had to take stuff back with her to work on in the office. she has no idea when she will be back to fix it all. currently we are out 137$ and change. nobody knows where it is and there is no amount in any ledger to correlate. hey, all i could do was shrug my shoulders and leave it to them. (meanwhile i can hear the bill building up)
she was kind of pissy with me when she got here because i didnt do something to speed up the process. "oh, maybe i didnt make myself clear when i asked you this". uhm, no you didnt. you just said print out the ledger and statement and highlight the outstanding cheques. i did that. but you wanted me to do it on the ledger? oh....well now you tell me. christ.
regardless, she was here 2.5 hrs, all the while apologizing profusely for the process taking so long. i told her i expected as much. i think she took affront to it, but i tried to explain it to her that it wasnt that i didnt have confidence in her but that when dealing with numbers, nothing is ever just cut and dried...at least with our books anyway. there's always a clusterfuck.
there is a fundamental difference between people of different areas of study, that's for sure. the logical types (like this lady) seem to see things in black and white, or one and one is 2 kind of linear thinking. i have more of an analytical mind, so when i'm thinking of things, i try to think outside the box. please note that outside the box is NOT welcome in the accounting world. neither is humor.
c'est la vie. i could care less. maybe it's just that kind of day.
accounting
today the accounting tech is coming to reconcile the books and figure out the $9200 in discrepancies in our bank reconcilliation journal. i have a feeling this is going to be a frustrating long day of sitting here watching her plunder through it with the grace of a 13 yr old who reads slowly and painfully, struggling over simple words. sometimes i feel like the dude i had in driver's ed who had the brake pedal on the passenger side of the car. he'd depress that thing if i was doing something stupid and about to hit something. i'd always be revving the engine, wondering why it wasnt doing anything, and he'd be there pressing that brake keeping me from making a fool out of myself.
i give the accounting lady the main chair and i perch on a kitchen chair. she'll be squinting and wondering what my codes mean, implying that my books are a mess, and how terrible it all is. she put her foot in her mouth the last time she was here and altho it angered me slightly, i was amused as she kind of muttered out an apology.
these guys seem to know how to drain bank accounts with useless bullshit. 2 yrs ago they took over our books and did our bank recs for us, something i didnt do and something the old accounting firm never bothered doing either. in fact, those cunts never bothered doing much, other than wanting a payment each month. our books went to the firm in town here 2 yrs ago where they promised to clean shit up. they did our bank recs and journal entries, promising that 2008 would be much better. well, it wasnt. my bank recs went swimmingly but they insisted that things still werent right to the tune of 5 grand. christ. we repeated the process in 2009 and i was just told the last time the lady was here that once we got all this cleaned up, our year end costs would be less. and ever the cynic, all i could think of was yeah, right. heard that one before.
what kills me is that they promise that everything will be straightened out, but it never is. or they seem to shade in most of the picture for you but always neglect (on purpose i believe) to mention that there was one additional part you didnt do and they'll have to send someone out here to "fix" it. always at our cost which gets blended into the year end fiasco and fuckery of charges.
i think that arlene believes she'll be here a couple of hours max and will be able to return to her accounting hidey hole at the office. i believe she will be here till at LEAST noon and then will be scurrying out of here with the promise that she will have to return to fix everything again in the near future. she's going on holidays starting tomorrow, so i bet you that she will promise to return once her holidays are over.
hey, i may not know everything, but i do know that "simple fixes" in accounting are never simple or fixes. ever.
i give the accounting lady the main chair and i perch on a kitchen chair. she'll be squinting and wondering what my codes mean, implying that my books are a mess, and how terrible it all is. she put her foot in her mouth the last time she was here and altho it angered me slightly, i was amused as she kind of muttered out an apology.
these guys seem to know how to drain bank accounts with useless bullshit. 2 yrs ago they took over our books and did our bank recs for us, something i didnt do and something the old accounting firm never bothered doing either. in fact, those cunts never bothered doing much, other than wanting a payment each month. our books went to the firm in town here 2 yrs ago where they promised to clean shit up. they did our bank recs and journal entries, promising that 2008 would be much better. well, it wasnt. my bank recs went swimmingly but they insisted that things still werent right to the tune of 5 grand. christ. we repeated the process in 2009 and i was just told the last time the lady was here that once we got all this cleaned up, our year end costs would be less. and ever the cynic, all i could think of was yeah, right. heard that one before.
what kills me is that they promise that everything will be straightened out, but it never is. or they seem to shade in most of the picture for you but always neglect (on purpose i believe) to mention that there was one additional part you didnt do and they'll have to send someone out here to "fix" it. always at our cost which gets blended into the year end fiasco and fuckery of charges.
i think that arlene believes she'll be here a couple of hours max and will be able to return to her accounting hidey hole at the office. i believe she will be here till at LEAST noon and then will be scurrying out of here with the promise that she will have to return to fix everything again in the near future. she's going on holidays starting tomorrow, so i bet you that she will promise to return once her holidays are over.
hey, i may not know everything, but i do know that "simple fixes" in accounting are never simple or fixes. ever.
reading mania!
i was on a fucking roll last night!
i decided to open up "late nights on air" and start from the beginning so i could get a grasp of what was going on. i cant remember the last time i opened it, so i was grateful to start again.
can i just say that i was immensely enjoying this book? so much so that i fucking stayed up till midnight reading it and i'm over 1/2 done. maybe i'm riding on the euphoria of it being an interesting read (compared to the amy tan travesty i finished, which felt as if i was crawling over broken glass)...who knows? either way, i cant wait to get back into it and pass it on.
takers?
i decided to open up "late nights on air" and start from the beginning so i could get a grasp of what was going on. i cant remember the last time i opened it, so i was grateful to start again.
can i just say that i was immensely enjoying this book? so much so that i fucking stayed up till midnight reading it and i'm over 1/2 done. maybe i'm riding on the euphoria of it being an interesting read (compared to the amy tan travesty i finished, which felt as if i was crawling over broken glass)...who knows? either way, i cant wait to get back into it and pass it on.
takers?
so F*CK!
i was hoping to get away from fifi's fitness classes and go back to regular (read: GOOD) instructors. nope, it's not to be. fucking hell, she's teaching our 6am boot camps again with bikini combined in. i looked around this morning and it's the same suckers who were in the nov/dec bikini bootcamp paying marla the $400 and they're doing it all over again for the next two months. really? could people really like that bitch enough to pay $800 in less than 1/2 a year to get her shit assed fitness classes? i get my classes for FREE and even then i feel as if THEY should be paying ME to attend this clusterfuck.
yeah, yeah, yeah, i should either just quit or stfu, right?
i was talking to a chick d and i call "crack o' dawn" (ass hanging out of shorts daily) and she said she tried complaining to marla about fifi and marla, ever with her head up her own ass, said, "oh isnt fifi the GREATEST? dont you just LOVEEEE her?" fuck youuuuu. both d and i agree that any complaints will fall on deaf ears. afterall, it would mean that marla would actually have to GASP work and GASP go into her studio and do something about it. as if.
then we were talking about some of the other chicks who have been pushing marla, wanting to purchase 6 month memberships. so marla retorted with the fee of $500. uhm, my YEAR membership is $600+gst. those chicks got ripped right off.
what a fucking shit show.
i have no idea why i stay there. i was thinking about it this morning as i was struggling to get ready and put my hair up, where i was looking through bleary sleep-deprived eyes and wondering what i have to prove by going to these classes. i fucking hate them, i hate the time, it's not like i have anywhere to be because i just crawl back into bed...so why in the fuck am i doing this? part of it is punishment, the other part really wants to return to the shape i was in back in february at my apex...
i have this long lost hope that these three classes of misery a week, combined with janine's classes, will give me the winning edge. i certainly hope so.
yeah, yeah, yeah, i should either just quit or stfu, right?
i was talking to a chick d and i call "crack o' dawn" (ass hanging out of shorts daily) and she said she tried complaining to marla about fifi and marla, ever with her head up her own ass, said, "oh isnt fifi the GREATEST? dont you just LOVEEEE her?" fuck youuuuu. both d and i agree that any complaints will fall on deaf ears. afterall, it would mean that marla would actually have to GASP work and GASP go into her studio and do something about it. as if.
then we were talking about some of the other chicks who have been pushing marla, wanting to purchase 6 month memberships. so marla retorted with the fee of $500. uhm, my YEAR membership is $600+gst. those chicks got ripped right off.
what a fucking shit show.
i have no idea why i stay there. i was thinking about it this morning as i was struggling to get ready and put my hair up, where i was looking through bleary sleep-deprived eyes and wondering what i have to prove by going to these classes. i fucking hate them, i hate the time, it's not like i have anywhere to be because i just crawl back into bed...so why in the fuck am i doing this? part of it is punishment, the other part really wants to return to the shape i was in back in february at my apex...
i have this long lost hope that these three classes of misery a week, combined with janine's classes, will give me the winning edge. i certainly hope so.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
vegas and parking stalls
i'm really not so sure i want to go to vegas in april. we already have a trip paid for and planned for the end of may, so do i really *need* to be there less than a month before that? not really.
to boot, i'm going to be expected to be a parking stall for a stupid girlfriend. i can already feel it. ch's friend sm is dating a real egghead ditzy 20 year old whose ambition is to lock herself into a relationship and do nothing but spend money. i've met this girl once at a wedding and although she was beautiful, she had no manners or tact and was quite juvenile.
at one point in the evening, sm and i were talking at a table. she was up on the dance floor dancing and flirting with other wedding guests and right away i could see the future of this relationship clearly. sm is my age, she is barely 20 with guys chatting her up here and there and she was soaking it all in and clearly loving the attention. if i was sm, i'd be concerned about what she's doing when i'm at work all day. i'm just sayin. after she had finished dancing/flirting, she realised that her meal ticket might not appreciate it, so she rushed over to his side and sat there while we conversed. instead of actively listening, she started whispering in his ear and giggling and they started in on a private conversation...quite frankly, i thought it was rude of her to come up and act that way. sure, if you want to have a conversation with your significant other i'm not going to stop you, but there is something so deliberately rude and just downright immature to purposefully exclude someone sitting at a table that is just unforgiveable in my opinion. i got up and left them and said nothing.
we ended up taking a taxi back to the hotel where we were staying and sm wanted to go for a beer before bed with us. i was more than tired of his gf tanya. her rude behaviour and endless whispering and tittering (and she DOES have a tittering laugh that is really fake and annoying and OHMYGOD i want to poke my ears out annoying) drove me batty, so i went to bed. ch decided he'd have a nightcap with them and went to the bar in the casino. he said they all sat down at the bar and she immediately started in with her whispering and tittering at sm and it was to the point where sm's back was turned to ch...ch got sick and tired of it and finished his drink and got up and left without saying goodbye. sm and tanya didnt notice.
i foresee her expecting sm to pay and fund her entire trip to vegas and i think that sm just expects me to be the parking stall for tanya while he is off either gambling with ch or visiting the oil convention. all i can say is HELL NO.
i do think i'm getting very cantankerous in my old age because i know what i will NOT put up with. and it's getting to the point where i really dont give a horse's ass if i say it out loud to sm and tell him that there's no way i'm going to reduce myself to a 78iq to get down to her level to entertain her on my vacation.
other guys attending these kinds of functions just expect me to entertain their gf's. darren falls into the same category, and i never heard the end of it when i had spa reservations made which left his gf to her own devices during the day while we were in mexico in 09. she was always sure to tell me how displeased he was about it. i expect the same of sm.
again, i'm too cranky...instead of bottling this shit up, i'm just going to blow. i can already feel it...
to boot, i'm going to be expected to be a parking stall for a stupid girlfriend. i can already feel it. ch's friend sm is dating a real egghead ditzy 20 year old whose ambition is to lock herself into a relationship and do nothing but spend money. i've met this girl once at a wedding and although she was beautiful, she had no manners or tact and was quite juvenile.
at one point in the evening, sm and i were talking at a table. she was up on the dance floor dancing and flirting with other wedding guests and right away i could see the future of this relationship clearly. sm is my age, she is barely 20 with guys chatting her up here and there and she was soaking it all in and clearly loving the attention. if i was sm, i'd be concerned about what she's doing when i'm at work all day. i'm just sayin. after she had finished dancing/flirting, she realised that her meal ticket might not appreciate it, so she rushed over to his side and sat there while we conversed. instead of actively listening, she started whispering in his ear and giggling and they started in on a private conversation...quite frankly, i thought it was rude of her to come up and act that way. sure, if you want to have a conversation with your significant other i'm not going to stop you, but there is something so deliberately rude and just downright immature to purposefully exclude someone sitting at a table that is just unforgiveable in my opinion. i got up and left them and said nothing.
we ended up taking a taxi back to the hotel where we were staying and sm wanted to go for a beer before bed with us. i was more than tired of his gf tanya. her rude behaviour and endless whispering and tittering (and she DOES have a tittering laugh that is really fake and annoying and OHMYGOD i want to poke my ears out annoying) drove me batty, so i went to bed. ch decided he'd have a nightcap with them and went to the bar in the casino. he said they all sat down at the bar and she immediately started in with her whispering and tittering at sm and it was to the point where sm's back was turned to ch...ch got sick and tired of it and finished his drink and got up and left without saying goodbye. sm and tanya didnt notice.
i foresee her expecting sm to pay and fund her entire trip to vegas and i think that sm just expects me to be the parking stall for tanya while he is off either gambling with ch or visiting the oil convention. all i can say is HELL NO.
i do think i'm getting very cantankerous in my old age because i know what i will NOT put up with. and it's getting to the point where i really dont give a horse's ass if i say it out loud to sm and tell him that there's no way i'm going to reduce myself to a 78iq to get down to her level to entertain her on my vacation.
other guys attending these kinds of functions just expect me to entertain their gf's. darren falls into the same category, and i never heard the end of it when i had spa reservations made which left his gf to her own devices during the day while we were in mexico in 09. she was always sure to tell me how displeased he was about it. i expect the same of sm.
again, i'm too cranky...instead of bottling this shit up, i'm just going to blow. i can already feel it...
tying up loose ends
this past week i finished off three books i've been meaning to finish. i usually start books, grow tired of them, and put them aside.
so this past week i finally finished off "the birthday party". very easy read, but i did find the narrator to be a little annoying at times and near the end in part two, a tad wordy and a little annoying with over describing details. i have a feeling tho that i have a very short attention span and if it's something i cant get hooked on, i lose interest quickly. so the first part of the book was quite interesting, but when he started talking about the confessions etc, i grew bored.
the second book i finished was "a complicated kindness". cdn book and kind of confusing to follow at times, only because there really were no quotes when people were speaking and there were a ton of nicknames. i suppose i can relate to the nicknames thing because i tend to do that in my own life, but it was a matter of understanding WHO this person was referring to and their roles when the nicknames were used. i did like the book and regret taking so long to finish it. it's almost worthy of a second read, however i'm dead set to get rid of books and not bother keeping them around collecting dust.
the last one i finished off today was "saving fish from drowning". a few words on this: i am ordinarily an amy tan fan. i loved "the joy luck club", "100 secret senses", and "the kitchen god's wife". i was really hoping this book would run along the same vein. wrong. it dragged on, only to become more interesting in the last long winded chapter. the rest of the book kind of meandered along and was slow to deliver the climax. maybe it's that my brain is growing softer as i age, or again, a short attention span, but if a book doesnt grab me right away, i have a hard time finishing it. ideally, i want a book to pull me in during the first few chapters and leave me feeling like i cant possibly put it down or cant wait to have a spare moment to resume reading. it's been a long time since i've felt that.
i was sincerely hoping to experience that with the latest amy tan book, but i was let down. i hope that when i pass it on, someone else will appreciate it and embrace it more than i did.
so i have two books in my nightstand with bookmarks in them waiting for me to pick them up and finish them. one is "late nights on air" and the other is a jean cretien book. the second one almost makes me wince with anticipated and predictable boredom, but i have hope that jc will use his humour. i dont recall it in the first few chapters, per se, but i am holding out hope.
when i was wandering around coles the other day, i saw so many books i want, but with a 5 tiered shelf full of unread books it becomes absolutely impossible to justify purchasing more books.
so this past week i finally finished off "the birthday party". very easy read, but i did find the narrator to be a little annoying at times and near the end in part two, a tad wordy and a little annoying with over describing details. i have a feeling tho that i have a very short attention span and if it's something i cant get hooked on, i lose interest quickly. so the first part of the book was quite interesting, but when he started talking about the confessions etc, i grew bored.
the second book i finished was "a complicated kindness". cdn book and kind of confusing to follow at times, only because there really were no quotes when people were speaking and there were a ton of nicknames. i suppose i can relate to the nicknames thing because i tend to do that in my own life, but it was a matter of understanding WHO this person was referring to and their roles when the nicknames were used. i did like the book and regret taking so long to finish it. it's almost worthy of a second read, however i'm dead set to get rid of books and not bother keeping them around collecting dust.the last one i finished off today was "saving fish from drowning". a few words on this: i am ordinarily an amy tan fan. i loved "the joy luck club", "100 secret senses", and "the kitchen god's wife". i was really hoping this book would run along the same vein. wrong. it dragged on, only to become more interesting in the last long winded chapter. the rest of the book kind of meandered along and was slow to deliver the climax. maybe it's that my brain is growing softer as i age, or again, a short attention span, but if a book doesnt grab me right away, i have a hard time finishing it. ideally, i want a book to pull me in during the first few chapters and leave me feeling like i cant possibly put it down or cant wait to have a spare moment to resume reading. it's been a long time since i've felt that.
i was sincerely hoping to experience that with the latest amy tan book, but i was let down. i hope that when i pass it on, someone else will appreciate it and embrace it more than i did.
the next series i intend to finally finish is "a suitable boy". i say 'series' because i have it in pocket books and it's three individual books, the first one i've never been able to get through. i fully intend to do that. i *hear* it's good, but god only knows.
when i was wandering around coles the other day, i saw so many books i want, but with a 5 tiered shelf full of unread books it becomes absolutely impossible to justify purchasing more books.
a complicated kindness
i had this strange feeling.
it was the same feeling you get when you've spent a lot of time with a friend or relatives or someone and you're kind of sick of them and want to be alone again but then the time comes for them to leave and suddenly more than anything you dont want them to go and you act really nice again and run around doing things for them but you know that time is running out and then when they're gone you're kind of relieved but also sad that you hadnt been a better friend and you tell yourself next time for sure i'll be a better friend. and you kind of want to call them up and apologize for being a jerk but at the same time you dont want to start something stupid and you hope the feeling will just go away and that nobody hates you.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
pets, also spelled PEST
as much as i'm an animal lover, i have to admit that i can easily find ways to be annoyed with them.
having 3 different types of pets has always proven a balancing act. the dogs basically have the run of the main floor, while the cats own the rest of the house.
the cats i've had for years. they've always had the run of whatever place i've owned in the past. as soon as the dogs moved into my life, the cats took a back seat. part of that reason was that the dogs demanded so much god damned attention, while cats can easily exist so long as there is food and litter available. once those needs are met and a sunbeam is found, cats are happy.
the dogs lately have just been getting on my nerves. part of it really isnt their fault, as dogs are needy creatures. they have an internal clock that is remarkable and know exactly when they should be fed and act up if they havent eaten by a set time. most days of the week they eat when i get home from my 6am class and again around 5 or so at night. by about 4pm they start pestering me to feed them. the feeding ritual usually consists of me either walking them or taking them for a ride out to the prairies to burn off excess steam before eating. according to cesar milan, it's best to exercise the dogs before food, much like their ancestors would have had to hunt and exercise before being fed.
so i've been catering to the dogs for nearly a year in this pattern. previous to this, i have to sheepishly admit that the exercise they got was a ball being thrown or time spent in the yard, but limited walks. i've seen the errors of my ways, but i think changing patterns has helped with their behaviours. it's a win-win.
lately tho, i have been feeling badly for banishing the cats to the basement. they are never happy if a door in the house is closed. you can let them up and 10 seconds later, they'll be meowing to go back downstairs. you let them down, and five minutes later they're scratching at the door to get up. not only that, their food is on the stairs and it's food the dogs shouldnt consume. i try to keep that door shut so that they wont eat the food and shit everywhere. my dogs dont seem to be run of the mill dogs. if you change something in their diet, they'll shit everywhere, so i try to keep a close watch on what they eat.
because the cats are getting old and crotchetty, i've tried to keep the door to the basement open wide enough for them to go down and narrow enough to keep the dogs out. i'll put something in the way of the door and they're free to come and go. lately the damned dogs have been figuring out how to push the door aside and then eat all the cat food on the stairs. i can always tell they've been down there because the food dishes are wiped clean and cats never leave dishes clean.
so today while i was up here typing away, i heard a dish rattle on the stairs and ran down to catch hudson in the act of sneaking upstairs. she was scolded and chased outside, the basement door slammed. while we were out at dinner, i barracaded the dogs in their usual spot behind a baby gate and left the basement door open for the cats to come and go. when i got home from the restaurant, the dogs were behind their gate and the cats on the couch. basement door was wide open, but i thought nothing of it.
i just put the cats down for the night and discovered two empty clean as hell dishes. evidence that the dogs had been eating their food again. it pisses me off because the cats eat canned food (because of their teeth) and it's expensive. so i started wondering when the dogs would have had the chance to eat the food...basically, the dogs waited till we left, snuck past the babygate and chair parked in front of it for "security", ate the food, and snuck back into their area.
i'm getting so tired of the dogs and cats. really. i know invited them all into my home but they are OUR pets. somehow they are MY sole responsibility and i'm very tired of being the only one to scold, discipline, feed, water, exercise, pay for their needs, and take care of their business whether it be vet bills or shit on the carpet. ch does jack shit but brag that he has dogs.
pets are a good predictor of future behaviours. i know that ch would take to parenting a kid the way he does the pets...
tonight i'm just sick and tired of the fucking pets and i need a break from all of them...from the yowling cat following me all over the house, to the needy god damned dogs who fucking steal food that isnt theirs.
i have to figure out a way to be able to keep my fucking basement door open without hudson fucking sneaking downstairs and eating cat food. i am going to have to figure out a place to put the cat food that is out of dog reach...and this dog is capeable of standing on its hind end and eating things off counters, so i'm going to have to be extra sneaky....
gotta do some brainstorming because this shit aint workin.
having 3 different types of pets has always proven a balancing act. the dogs basically have the run of the main floor, while the cats own the rest of the house.
the cats i've had for years. they've always had the run of whatever place i've owned in the past. as soon as the dogs moved into my life, the cats took a back seat. part of that reason was that the dogs demanded so much god damned attention, while cats can easily exist so long as there is food and litter available. once those needs are met and a sunbeam is found, cats are happy.
the dogs lately have just been getting on my nerves. part of it really isnt their fault, as dogs are needy creatures. they have an internal clock that is remarkable and know exactly when they should be fed and act up if they havent eaten by a set time. most days of the week they eat when i get home from my 6am class and again around 5 or so at night. by about 4pm they start pestering me to feed them. the feeding ritual usually consists of me either walking them or taking them for a ride out to the prairies to burn off excess steam before eating. according to cesar milan, it's best to exercise the dogs before food, much like their ancestors would have had to hunt and exercise before being fed.
so i've been catering to the dogs for nearly a year in this pattern. previous to this, i have to sheepishly admit that the exercise they got was a ball being thrown or time spent in the yard, but limited walks. i've seen the errors of my ways, but i think changing patterns has helped with their behaviours. it's a win-win.
lately tho, i have been feeling badly for banishing the cats to the basement. they are never happy if a door in the house is closed. you can let them up and 10 seconds later, they'll be meowing to go back downstairs. you let them down, and five minutes later they're scratching at the door to get up. not only that, their food is on the stairs and it's food the dogs shouldnt consume. i try to keep that door shut so that they wont eat the food and shit everywhere. my dogs dont seem to be run of the mill dogs. if you change something in their diet, they'll shit everywhere, so i try to keep a close watch on what they eat.
because the cats are getting old and crotchetty, i've tried to keep the door to the basement open wide enough for them to go down and narrow enough to keep the dogs out. i'll put something in the way of the door and they're free to come and go. lately the damned dogs have been figuring out how to push the door aside and then eat all the cat food on the stairs. i can always tell they've been down there because the food dishes are wiped clean and cats never leave dishes clean.
so today while i was up here typing away, i heard a dish rattle on the stairs and ran down to catch hudson in the act of sneaking upstairs. she was scolded and chased outside, the basement door slammed. while we were out at dinner, i barracaded the dogs in their usual spot behind a baby gate and left the basement door open for the cats to come and go. when i got home from the restaurant, the dogs were behind their gate and the cats on the couch. basement door was wide open, but i thought nothing of it.
i just put the cats down for the night and discovered two empty clean as hell dishes. evidence that the dogs had been eating their food again. it pisses me off because the cats eat canned food (because of their teeth) and it's expensive. so i started wondering when the dogs would have had the chance to eat the food...basically, the dogs waited till we left, snuck past the babygate and chair parked in front of it for "security", ate the food, and snuck back into their area.
i'm getting so tired of the dogs and cats. really. i know invited them all into my home but they are OUR pets. somehow they are MY sole responsibility and i'm very tired of being the only one to scold, discipline, feed, water, exercise, pay for their needs, and take care of their business whether it be vet bills or shit on the carpet. ch does jack shit but brag that he has dogs.
pets are a good predictor of future behaviours. i know that ch would take to parenting a kid the way he does the pets...
tonight i'm just sick and tired of the fucking pets and i need a break from all of them...from the yowling cat following me all over the house, to the needy god damned dogs who fucking steal food that isnt theirs.
i have to figure out a way to be able to keep my fucking basement door open without hudson fucking sneaking downstairs and eating cat food. i am going to have to figure out a place to put the cat food that is out of dog reach...and this dog is capeable of standing on its hind end and eating things off counters, so i'm going to have to be extra sneaky....
gotta do some brainstorming because this shit aint workin.
the big douche and the vapid twits
darren pisses me off. i can get quite lathered up about him because he has been in my life for the past decade or longer. i've actually known him longer than i've known ch which is quite sad. he dated my cousin for quite a while before they finally called it quits. there was a moment in time where i wished they'd get back together so it would all be ticketty boo again. i'm glad it never worked out that way.
darren started repeating the same pattern with crista, the first girl he moved in with once he moved out of yyc. met her in a safeway, and like all the girls before him, basically had her living with him within three weeks. he'd bring her to conventions and on trips and the two of us got along quite well. of course there was plenty of douchebaggery going on behind the scenes, thanks to his insecurities, but for the most part i got along with crista quite well.
i still keep in touch with her and she has since moved on from darren to someone else who i hope to god treats her well. it seems that most of the girls he's dated always move onto much brighter pastures with guys who worship them. they deserve it. i cant help but think of my cousin and the 7 yrs of torment she went through dealing with him and when i think of her current husband now, i have to breathe a huge sigh of relief because she got out and away from darren's bullshit.
darren's now dating a young tart. she's definitely arm candy, but that's about it. i met her in mexico last year and altho we got along well, his douchebaggery kicked into full gear the next day where we were the target of his wrath and insecurities. i played the role of counsellor all fucking day long as she lamented their night before fight and i knew that everything that was going on with them was just another scene in the endless 2 act play that is darren.
it's the same deal with every chick he dates:
i get quite exhausted listening to these girls lament about darren. believe me, i've heard it all over a decade ago how he treated my cousin and i hated him so much for it then. now i just find myself getting quite tired of it all and wondering when he'll ever break his own pattern and start acting normally. he's one year younger than me, yet is still stuck in the same hamster wheel of dating and mating.
i dont get it. what i'd love to see is him being single for a long time. actually taking the time to get to know someone before asking her to move in. and by time i'm talking 6 months. see her once a week, not every day. dont have sleepovers either until you've been dating more than 2 months. hey, i'm not saying this would be a surefire way to eliminate douchebaggery, but if it breaks A pattern of destruction, then why not?
i like his current girlfriend, but i can definitely find ways to avoid her. i did that in vancouver and i can most certainly do it in maui. the less i see of him, the happier i am. he's been around ruining way too many things in the past, so i most definitely want to be as far away from him as possible. the last time i actually hung out with erin, darren accused us of whoring around yyc, when all we did was go to the spa and then to dinner in our hotel. in the meantime, he had promised her he'd be home by 10 at the latest and crawled in at 2am....riiiiiiiight, erin's the whore.
i foresee a lot more fights and nonsense in maui. i'm prepared this time. i've told ch that he is free to do as he wishes with darren. if that means i spend a lot of time on my own on the beach, in the spa, or in the markets, then so be it. i'm perfectly content to be by myself because i know there is no drama.
why these girls stay with him is beyond me. he's like fucking jekyl and hyde...
darren started repeating the same pattern with crista, the first girl he moved in with once he moved out of yyc. met her in a safeway, and like all the girls before him, basically had her living with him within three weeks. he'd bring her to conventions and on trips and the two of us got along quite well. of course there was plenty of douchebaggery going on behind the scenes, thanks to his insecurities, but for the most part i got along with crista quite well.
i still keep in touch with her and she has since moved on from darren to someone else who i hope to god treats her well. it seems that most of the girls he's dated always move onto much brighter pastures with guys who worship them. they deserve it. i cant help but think of my cousin and the 7 yrs of torment she went through dealing with him and when i think of her current husband now, i have to breathe a huge sigh of relief because she got out and away from darren's bullshit.
darren's now dating a young tart. she's definitely arm candy, but that's about it. i met her in mexico last year and altho we got along well, his douchebaggery kicked into full gear the next day where we were the target of his wrath and insecurities. i played the role of counsellor all fucking day long as she lamented their night before fight and i knew that everything that was going on with them was just another scene in the endless 2 act play that is darren.
it's the same deal with every chick he dates:
ACT ONE--meet the girl; smother her with gifts, kindess, affection, profess love in the early stages of courtship; demand she spend any and all waking time with him; eventually get to the point where she moves in. give her your bank card, take her on trips.
ACT TWO--alienate her from her friends and family by either declaring out loud that you hate her friends or refuse to attend family functions, or both simultaneously; pick fights on trips. it could be as easy as what she did or didnt say, how she did or didnt hold his hand or look like arm candy, or maybe how she did hold his hand all night long but wouldnt socialize. threaten to break up with her while on said vacation and tell her all her shit has to be out by the time they get home. insist and demand that she owe him a huge apology for her perceived and undefined rude behaviour. gamely take her teary apologies, but always throw in blackmail that ex girlfriends would gladly step in, in a heartbeat to take your place. rinse and repeat over various invisible hurts and always threaten the most extreme measure.
sometimes this two act play takes place over the course of a couple months, sometimes it's a few years, but inevitably it's always the same thing.
i get quite exhausted listening to these girls lament about darren. believe me, i've heard it all over a decade ago how he treated my cousin and i hated him so much for it then. now i just find myself getting quite tired of it all and wondering when he'll ever break his own pattern and start acting normally. he's one year younger than me, yet is still stuck in the same hamster wheel of dating and mating.
i dont get it. what i'd love to see is him being single for a long time. actually taking the time to get to know someone before asking her to move in. and by time i'm talking 6 months. see her once a week, not every day. dont have sleepovers either until you've been dating more than 2 months. hey, i'm not saying this would be a surefire way to eliminate douchebaggery, but if it breaks A pattern of destruction, then why not?
i like his current girlfriend, but i can definitely find ways to avoid her. i did that in vancouver and i can most certainly do it in maui. the less i see of him, the happier i am. he's been around ruining way too many things in the past, so i most definitely want to be as far away from him as possible. the last time i actually hung out with erin, darren accused us of whoring around yyc, when all we did was go to the spa and then to dinner in our hotel. in the meantime, he had promised her he'd be home by 10 at the latest and crawled in at 2am....riiiiiiiight, erin's the whore.
i foresee a lot more fights and nonsense in maui. i'm prepared this time. i've told ch that he is free to do as he wishes with darren. if that means i spend a lot of time on my own on the beach, in the spa, or in the markets, then so be it. i'm perfectly content to be by myself because i know there is no drama.
why these girls stay with him is beyond me. he's like fucking jekyl and hyde...
vegas, again
we just discussed vegas over dinner. this time around, there is a fast oil change convention there and it's in april, less than one month before we're expected to be there again.
looks like we'll be going twice within a month. i'm not really complaining!
looks like we'll be going twice within a month. i'm not really complaining!
dinner and shit
dinner was remarkably good. ch had prime rib, i had salmon. and, better yet, it took more than 10 minutes to come to us, which was completely unexpected.
all during dinner ch was quite chatty about things and then he got a text message saying that his friends were all at rossco's having drinks watching the hockey game. at first he said he would decide whether he'd go, but i knew that he'd go. he can not resist the lure of the pub and the drinks.
k's husband was going to be there. i have heard many updates from people that she is immensely disappointed in him and wants him to either straighten his shit up or she will leave him. in many ways, i think we have a lot in common. ch's first love is beer. always has been, always will be. b is a few years older than ch, but i think they are at the same pace in terms of drinking. b comes home from work and has a few drinks to chill out and then a few taste like more and more until he's passing out on the couch. same with ch...i dont remember the last time we went to bed at the same time where we were sober.
so i couldnt help but think of how i'm enabling all this shit by dropping him off at the pub following a nice date out together. dont most normal people go home together and watch movies, fuck, talk, or share a bottle of wine and go to bed? that's not our marriage. and the really sad thing is that i was predicting he'd go to rossco's and was actually looking forward to being alone. i kinda wonder if i allow-slash-enable his drinking so that i can have my precious alone time.
do i have ulterior motives? i wonder.
all during dinner ch was quite chatty about things and then he got a text message saying that his friends were all at rossco's having drinks watching the hockey game. at first he said he would decide whether he'd go, but i knew that he'd go. he can not resist the lure of the pub and the drinks.
k's husband was going to be there. i have heard many updates from people that she is immensely disappointed in him and wants him to either straighten his shit up or she will leave him. in many ways, i think we have a lot in common. ch's first love is beer. always has been, always will be. b is a few years older than ch, but i think they are at the same pace in terms of drinking. b comes home from work and has a few drinks to chill out and then a few taste like more and more until he's passing out on the couch. same with ch...i dont remember the last time we went to bed at the same time where we were sober.
so i couldnt help but think of how i'm enabling all this shit by dropping him off at the pub following a nice date out together. dont most normal people go home together and watch movies, fuck, talk, or share a bottle of wine and go to bed? that's not our marriage. and the really sad thing is that i was predicting he'd go to rossco's and was actually looking forward to being alone. i kinda wonder if i allow-slash-enable his drinking so that i can have my precious alone time.
do i have ulterior motives? i wonder.
oil of oregano
i've been fighting off a cold or a semblance of one lately. someone got me onto oil of oregano and they swear by it. i was told to put two drops under my tongue and it would be good enough.
i dont do it daily, but kinda just do it when i think i'm feeling a bit off. the last 2 days i've kind of been feeling like a cold could descend at any time, so i've been putting the drops under my tongue.
i'm not going to lie, it tastes like ASS. very strong. but if you can get through it, then it's well worth it. you really dont feel shitty after you take these things. i'm pretty well sold on these drops being effective and healthy means of getting rid of viruses.
of course time will tell if i get sick or not. i usually get sick once a year and usually it's a doozy. my dad was like that and he'd spend days (or so it seemed) really down and out on the couch. my mom was the opposite and always seemed to be honking into kleenexes or coughing loudly. in fact, i dont remember a single morning growing up where she didnt cough 2 times really loudly every morning. she'd never cover her mouth, but would almost yell-cough into the open as a way of making sure everyone in the house knew she was up. and from there, it would always be a morning discussion over sugar free shitty cereal of how well she didnt sleep. christ, i'm not going to go there, i swear.
back to oil of oregano...i take it whenever i'm not feeling quite right. and as i type, i'm thinking i'm not feeling 100%. off to put the drops in and chug water.
to your health!!
i dont do it daily, but kinda just do it when i think i'm feeling a bit off. the last 2 days i've kind of been feeling like a cold could descend at any time, so i've been putting the drops under my tongue.
i'm not going to lie, it tastes like ASS. very strong. but if you can get through it, then it's well worth it. you really dont feel shitty after you take these things. i'm pretty well sold on these drops being effective and healthy means of getting rid of viruses.
of course time will tell if i get sick or not. i usually get sick once a year and usually it's a doozy. my dad was like that and he'd spend days (or so it seemed) really down and out on the couch. my mom was the opposite and always seemed to be honking into kleenexes or coughing loudly. in fact, i dont remember a single morning growing up where she didnt cough 2 times really loudly every morning. she'd never cover her mouth, but would almost yell-cough into the open as a way of making sure everyone in the house knew she was up. and from there, it would always be a morning discussion over sugar free shitty cereal of how well she didnt sleep. christ, i'm not going to go there, i swear.
back to oil of oregano...i take it whenever i'm not feeling quite right. and as i type, i'm thinking i'm not feeling 100%. off to put the drops in and chug water.
to your health!!
easy listening
i'm a fan of cbc. i would never have admitted that or been open to it in a million years, but as i get older, i find immense joy in listening to that station.
here in the hat we get yyc's am version of cbc, which is far more superior than cbc2 because out here it's all opera. listening to cbc radio1 in stereo is pretty good. i've grown to love the dj's and at times even appreciate the newscasts. for all intents and purposes, i live under a rock, so catching the news on the hour on cbc is good. and for the most part, their programs are really great, too. i love listening to cbc on a saturday morning with chores to do outside and it helps kill the time while i weed the garden, paint the fence or stain the deck. i learn useless but important pieces of information and i always come away smarter.
tonight i'm listening to randy bachman's vinyl tap and he informed the audience that steve wynwood got his start in a band at age 15 or 16. pretty impressive. so he played "gimme some lovin'" a few minutes ago and it definitely was sw's voice, but it blew me away that it was his SIXTEEN YEAR OLD VOICE.
yup, i'm an old fogey. i love the cbc and now i've put it out here publicly.
here in the hat we get yyc's am version of cbc, which is far more superior than cbc2 because out here it's all opera. listening to cbc radio1 in stereo is pretty good. i've grown to love the dj's and at times even appreciate the newscasts. for all intents and purposes, i live under a rock, so catching the news on the hour on cbc is good. and for the most part, their programs are really great, too. i love listening to cbc on a saturday morning with chores to do outside and it helps kill the time while i weed the garden, paint the fence or stain the deck. i learn useless but important pieces of information and i always come away smarter.
tonight i'm listening to randy bachman's vinyl tap and he informed the audience that steve wynwood got his start in a band at age 15 or 16. pretty impressive. so he played "gimme some lovin'" a few minutes ago and it definitely was sw's voice, but it blew me away that it was his SIXTEEN YEAR OLD VOICE.
yup, i'm an old fogey. i love the cbc and now i've put it out here publicly.
panamania
my sister and i patched things up, thank god. emails exchanged, sorrys expressed, and all was back to normal.
she has been in panama since monday and i'm climbing the walls missing her.
she has been in panama since monday and i'm climbing the walls missing her.
new years, the conclusion
i neglected to mention in my blog about k yesterday that she was inquiring about our new years and how it went.
she was on the banned list of invitees for some unknown reason. both friend-not-friend and ross vetoed her and her husband. at the time of list making, i asked them why they were banning them and altho i know that ross doesnt like k's husband, friend-not-friend really had no other response other than wanting to limit the drama.
davina and i were talking about these rules that constantly change, the way that people purposefully exclude others, and both of us have said numerous times how much we disagree with the practice of exclusion, especially now that we are all old enough to know better and to play nice. then it was mentioned that people like d and i are often the targets of the excluded when they figure out that they didnt quite make the cut. suddenly their wrath over it melts onto you, even tho you were not the one to support such list making.
k's final line in her email to me asked about new years. and i know right now that she knows there was a list. it was expressed to me that her husband was upset that they werent asked to come, even tho they were going to be out of the country. in part, i know that hurt them.
so right now it seems i'm on the hook for the decisions other people made and i'm on the shit list as if i'm the one who made the guest list. and what i really want to do right now is tell her directly to talk to friend-not-friend and ross and let them answer the whys, not me.
yeah, i think this is the year for disclosure. you're damned straight: i'm going to fucking say that if i'm ever asked about a guest list. let THEM deal with their bullshit.
the problem is that friend-not-friend always has excuses on the fly, so if she was ever encountered and confronted, lies would spew forth.
it's just amazing to me that others walk around pretending to be friends and telling lies to save face.
i think honesty is a dying quality.
she was on the banned list of invitees for some unknown reason. both friend-not-friend and ross vetoed her and her husband. at the time of list making, i asked them why they were banning them and altho i know that ross doesnt like k's husband, friend-not-friend really had no other response other than wanting to limit the drama.
davina and i were talking about these rules that constantly change, the way that people purposefully exclude others, and both of us have said numerous times how much we disagree with the practice of exclusion, especially now that we are all old enough to know better and to play nice. then it was mentioned that people like d and i are often the targets of the excluded when they figure out that they didnt quite make the cut. suddenly their wrath over it melts onto you, even tho you were not the one to support such list making.
k's final line in her email to me asked about new years. and i know right now that she knows there was a list. it was expressed to me that her husband was upset that they werent asked to come, even tho they were going to be out of the country. in part, i know that hurt them.
so right now it seems i'm on the hook for the decisions other people made and i'm on the shit list as if i'm the one who made the guest list. and what i really want to do right now is tell her directly to talk to friend-not-friend and ross and let them answer the whys, not me.
yeah, i think this is the year for disclosure. you're damned straight: i'm going to fucking say that if i'm ever asked about a guest list. let THEM deal with their bullshit.
the problem is that friend-not-friend always has excuses on the fly, so if she was ever encountered and confronted, lies would spew forth.
it's just amazing to me that others walk around pretending to be friends and telling lies to save face.
i think honesty is a dying quality.
what is the point anyway?
i wonder why it is we reconnect with people we havent seen in years?
case in point is reconnecting with people from years gone by on facebook. it was always so exciting to see that person's name on facebook, the tenative email asking "are you really you?", and the anticipation of the response, followed by numerous emails dialoguing the last decade (or longer).
immediately there is a feeling of contentment, like an itch has finally been scratched after numerous attempts to reach it.
soon after tho, the emails dry up. there really is nothing to say. days go by, then months, then years and nothing more is said. there may have been a reunion, there may not have been, but either way, that connection has suddenly dried up.
there's always guilt on my end for the loss of these friends and there are times where i wonder why i'm the one feeling guilty when it does take two to make a relationship work. i often wonder if that person ever wonders what i'm doing or if it's just me.
and then it has me wondering what the point of it all is if the friendship isnt going to be maintained?
case in point is reconnecting with people from years gone by on facebook. it was always so exciting to see that person's name on facebook, the tenative email asking "are you really you?", and the anticipation of the response, followed by numerous emails dialoguing the last decade (or longer).
immediately there is a feeling of contentment, like an itch has finally been scratched after numerous attempts to reach it.
soon after tho, the emails dry up. there really is nothing to say. days go by, then months, then years and nothing more is said. there may have been a reunion, there may not have been, but either way, that connection has suddenly dried up.
there's always guilt on my end for the loss of these friends and there are times where i wonder why i'm the one feeling guilty when it does take two to make a relationship work. i often wonder if that person ever wonders what i'm doing or if it's just me.
and then it has me wondering what the point of it all is if the friendship isnt going to be maintained?
phat camp
not much has been discussed about phat camp and it's starting to worry me a bit. last night when we were leaving safeway, tammy and i started talking about it. i brought it up because i have this niggling sensation that i'm way out of my element by going. tammy agreed with me and said she had heard there would be posing classes and competitions there. uhm, i'm not into posing. no freaking way.
she then said that she is going to room with someone who is a fitness contestant. this person also goes to my gym and she is very attractive. i havent really noticed her muscles, but she does have a great body and is very young. makes me wish that i had been interested in fitness way before my late 30's. i really think i missed out and did myself a disservice, however, you can really tell in the faces of some of the girls at the gyms who has been in it for a long time and who hasnt. most of their faces are harder and chiselled. i cant adequately describe it but they look off somehow, especially the hard core fitness girls. the ones who have taken to it later look a little more feminine than the ones who have been exercising since the womb.
back on topic...i'm having a few concerns about that weekend and worrying about food and rooming. i'm staying with a friend i havent seen in a while. i just happened to find out that she was going, and am quite relieved she is because she is somewhat normal. but she has this tendancy to back out of things, so i'm preoccupied wondering if she's actually going to go through with the weekend or not. i'm hoping she does, even tho i really dont need her there. it would just be nice to room with someone i know better than a perfect stranger.
the weekend is $200. i found out last night that it's in american dollars, so that does add to the cost, plus the food out and the lodging. i *could* stay with the inlaws for free, but then that means i'd have to put up with them. no thanks. as it is, we'll be staying close to the gym, so i think that if/when we are ready to go, it wont be a huge haul to the room to freshen up to go out. i know it wont be a wild weekend because it's fitness related and we have to be up early each day of the weekend to get our workouts in.
at this point i just wish there was more organization or information about the event. not knowing stresses me out.
she then said that she is going to room with someone who is a fitness contestant. this person also goes to my gym and she is very attractive. i havent really noticed her muscles, but she does have a great body and is very young. makes me wish that i had been interested in fitness way before my late 30's. i really think i missed out and did myself a disservice, however, you can really tell in the faces of some of the girls at the gyms who has been in it for a long time and who hasnt. most of their faces are harder and chiselled. i cant adequately describe it but they look off somehow, especially the hard core fitness girls. the ones who have taken to it later look a little more feminine than the ones who have been exercising since the womb.
back on topic...i'm having a few concerns about that weekend and worrying about food and rooming. i'm staying with a friend i havent seen in a while. i just happened to find out that she was going, and am quite relieved she is because she is somewhat normal. but she has this tendancy to back out of things, so i'm preoccupied wondering if she's actually going to go through with the weekend or not. i'm hoping she does, even tho i really dont need her there. it would just be nice to room with someone i know better than a perfect stranger.
the weekend is $200. i found out last night that it's in american dollars, so that does add to the cost, plus the food out and the lodging. i *could* stay with the inlaws for free, but then that means i'd have to put up with them. no thanks. as it is, we'll be staying close to the gym, so i think that if/when we are ready to go, it wont be a huge haul to the room to freshen up to go out. i know it wont be a wild weekend because it's fitness related and we have to be up early each day of the weekend to get our workouts in.
at this point i just wish there was more organization or information about the event. not knowing stresses me out.
ponderings
nothing much is going on today other than going for dinner later. we're going out to celebrate ch's bday, but just for dinner. no rossco's afterward for beer and wings. hey, ch can go if he wants, but i'm steering clear of beer until maui. i'm firm about that, even tho i know there will be significant pressure put upon me in a month or so when my friend-not-friend gets back from jamaica and is off her "no booze in january" phase. gee, i cant wait for the beer pressure to start in.
christ, that's what i hated with that group of people...constant beer pressure.
anyway, we are planning to go to the beefeater, a dated restaurant. i could stay away from it easily without any regrets, but ch is a slave to red meat. the last time we were in there was 2008 for his bday and it was a shitty experience. the restaurant is moderately priced and wants to maintain the illusion that it's a decent place to eat. so we ordered our prime rib and got up to get salad from the salad bar. we get back to the table and not even 5 mins later, our food arrived.
most people wouldnt complain about that, but i did. fuck, if i'm paying $25 per plate, i want them to fucking well give the appearance that the meals are fresh, rather than microwaved a la mcdonalds. could they not at least let me eat my fucking salad first before shoving the side of beef, blood and all, in front of me? i like the idea that they took my order and THEN cooked my food, rather than just warmed my selection in a microwave.
it could have been the atmosphere or the evening. who knows. ch didnt take his jacket off last time so he sat there looking as if he wanted to be anywhere but there. i was highly annoyed by his behaviour and it was exaserbated by the speed in which our prime rib arrived. all in all, it was definitely not worth the $80+ to sit there and be done eating in 15 minutes.
i want my dining experience to be prolonged. i mean really, when you are paying for fast food, you get it. when you pay a big chunk of change for what is peddled as a gourmet meal experience, you should get that experience, no? i dont want to be hustled in and out and i do think that the amount paid should reflect the amount of time you take to experience your dining pleasure. there's a reason there is a salad bar...to tide you over till the big meal. if they bring it to you quickly, it kind of takes away the wow factor of the meal. if memory serves me correctly, our bill was brought to us at the same time.
maybe i'm a skeptic, but i really think that meals shouldnt be consumed as if they want you out the door asap. if i want a trashtastic dining experience, i will go to the golden arches.
if this same shit show goes on tonight, i'm going to complain. i just wish they never closed the doors to di carlo. now THAT was pasta.
christ, that's what i hated with that group of people...constant beer pressure.
anyway, we are planning to go to the beefeater, a dated restaurant. i could stay away from it easily without any regrets, but ch is a slave to red meat. the last time we were in there was 2008 for his bday and it was a shitty experience. the restaurant is moderately priced and wants to maintain the illusion that it's a decent place to eat. so we ordered our prime rib and got up to get salad from the salad bar. we get back to the table and not even 5 mins later, our food arrived.
most people wouldnt complain about that, but i did. fuck, if i'm paying $25 per plate, i want them to fucking well give the appearance that the meals are fresh, rather than microwaved a la mcdonalds. could they not at least let me eat my fucking salad first before shoving the side of beef, blood and all, in front of me? i like the idea that they took my order and THEN cooked my food, rather than just warmed my selection in a microwave.
it could have been the atmosphere or the evening. who knows. ch didnt take his jacket off last time so he sat there looking as if he wanted to be anywhere but there. i was highly annoyed by his behaviour and it was exaserbated by the speed in which our prime rib arrived. all in all, it was definitely not worth the $80+ to sit there and be done eating in 15 minutes.
i want my dining experience to be prolonged. i mean really, when you are paying for fast food, you get it. when you pay a big chunk of change for what is peddled as a gourmet meal experience, you should get that experience, no? i dont want to be hustled in and out and i do think that the amount paid should reflect the amount of time you take to experience your dining pleasure. there's a reason there is a salad bar...to tide you over till the big meal. if they bring it to you quickly, it kind of takes away the wow factor of the meal. if memory serves me correctly, our bill was brought to us at the same time.
maybe i'm a skeptic, but i really think that meals shouldnt be consumed as if they want you out the door asap. if i want a trashtastic dining experience, i will go to the golden arches.
if this same shit show goes on tonight, i'm going to complain. i just wish they never closed the doors to di carlo. now THAT was pasta.
chinook
finally a chinook is blowing in here. sick and tired of the cold am i.
it would be a good weekend to go xcountry skiing in police point, but i'm sure that i'm not the only jackass who is thinking along those lines.
it would be a good weekend to go xcountry skiing in police point, but i'm sure that i'm not the only jackass who is thinking along those lines.
Friday, January 08, 2010
dorks are me
yup, i sat there quietly all during dinner, only answering questions if i was asked.
i have a pet peeve about going out to listen to someone talk: it's getting stuck beside motor mouths who have no decency or respect for the person trying to talk. naturally i got stuck beside the know it all cunts who wouldnt shut the fuck up the entire dinner. oh i heard everything they were saying but couldnt hear janine talking and she was two chairs down from me.
i dont have the guts to say STFU, but man, i screamed it internally. maybe cast a stink eye their way, but didnt say anything. meanwhile i heard all the gossip about the richmound bar burning down and what they had for breakfast and other whisperings about people at the table. talk about rude. and this was all coming from women my age or older. christ, if you want to talk, get your own table. show some respect for those of us who cant hear what's being said.
i dont know why we hold those things in public places anyway. fuck, it's loud in the restaurant and background noise makes it especially difficult to hear anything being said more than an arm's length away. add in the chattering chickens next to me and christ, all i got was a soupy mix of noise. i spent more time looking at the big screen tv's across from me and being amazed that there actually IS a monster truck that looks like a fucking dog, tongue and all. up till this point i thought it was part of playstation's take on monster trucks...
i have a pet peeve about going out to listen to someone talk: it's getting stuck beside motor mouths who have no decency or respect for the person trying to talk. naturally i got stuck beside the know it all cunts who wouldnt shut the fuck up the entire dinner. oh i heard everything they were saying but couldnt hear janine talking and she was two chairs down from me.
i dont have the guts to say STFU, but man, i screamed it internally. maybe cast a stink eye their way, but didnt say anything. meanwhile i heard all the gossip about the richmound bar burning down and what they had for breakfast and other whisperings about people at the table. talk about rude. and this was all coming from women my age or older. christ, if you want to talk, get your own table. show some respect for those of us who cant hear what's being said.
i dont know why we hold those things in public places anyway. fuck, it's loud in the restaurant and background noise makes it especially difficult to hear anything being said more than an arm's length away. add in the chattering chickens next to me and christ, all i got was a soupy mix of noise. i spent more time looking at the big screen tv's across from me and being amazed that there actually IS a monster truck that looks like a fucking dog, tongue and all. up till this point i thought it was part of playstation's take on monster trucks...
jesus christ.
nutrition
i'm off to a nutrition meeting and discussion tonight. it's kind of a casual thing. we'll meet at montana's, eat a healthy bite, and then hit safeway to cruise the aisles looking for healthy choices. i've already done my shopping for the week, so i'll just be along to get some inspiration and ideas for dinner. i tend to eat the same things repetitively and altho i can tolerate it nicely, there are some days where i feel that i could use a little variety. yeah, i can eat chicken till i cluck, but i know that there is a lot more out there that is decent.
lately i've been on a hummus kick. i cant get enough of the shit. i have to eat it at least once a day with carrots. it has replaced ranch dressing, which i'm not sad to toss. there is something so satisfying about hummus that it makes me drool. even talking about it now has me wanting some with baked pitas....
i'm hoping that i can manoeuver tonight's discussion effortlessly. sometimes when i get in these social situations i clam up and say nothing. i'm a ridiculous bundle of insecurity, which i find to be the most unattractive quality in any person. i dont know what it is, but it seems that when i get around other women, i immediately clam up and cant say much. the others talk and get along well, and i sit there shyly in a corner observing and listening, two roles i really dont mind so much. what makes me the most uncomfortable is when i am asked a direct question and the entire table is silent and waiting for my answer....
i just hope i'm not too much of a dork tonight.
lately i've been on a hummus kick. i cant get enough of the shit. i have to eat it at least once a day with carrots. it has replaced ranch dressing, which i'm not sad to toss. there is something so satisfying about hummus that it makes me drool. even talking about it now has me wanting some with baked pitas....
i'm hoping that i can manoeuver tonight's discussion effortlessly. sometimes when i get in these social situations i clam up and say nothing. i'm a ridiculous bundle of insecurity, which i find to be the most unattractive quality in any person. i dont know what it is, but it seems that when i get around other women, i immediately clam up and cant say much. the others talk and get along well, and i sit there shyly in a corner observing and listening, two roles i really dont mind so much. what makes me the most uncomfortable is when i am asked a direct question and the entire table is silent and waiting for my answer....
i just hope i'm not too much of a dork tonight.
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i've been suffering all week. it seems that the balances never quite add up to the number that the books have. oh and the books have been all wonky by not doling out proper vacation pay as well as perceived incorrect backups...
all of which resulted in screaming, crying, and yelling.
what a joy to be a woman.
i got called a bitch today by some middle aged mom wanna be minivan driver.
i was in the walmart parking lot and witnessed her kid push their cart out of the way of their suv and behind another vehicle, despite there being a cart stall less than 2 car stalls away. i was walking past as all this happened and looked and rolled my eyes and kept walking.
well hormonal mommy dearest saw that so when she drove past me, she got the upper hand by mouthing "bitch" at me through the driver's side window. oh the sting. so i just said back "oh you too" and got in the jeep.
the problem with these passive aggressive cunts is that they forget that it's a small town and you're not always safe because you pull a jenny or kenny and scream at someone from a moving vehicle. as luck would have it, i ended up right behind her at the next set of lights. i dont think the stupid ass caught on till i was behind her following her 40km/hr down strachan. yeah, i probably could have pulled up beside her and put the window down and yelled obscenities, but i prefer to exact revenge coldly. i'm sure that once she saw who it was following her and changing lanes as she did, she panicked.
what this asshole didnt realise is that calling me a bitch is probably not far off the mark, but doing so in a moving vehicle doesnt necessarily guarantee her safety. if i can pull up behind you less than 2 mins after your perceived insult, you arent exactly the smartest cookie in the parking lot. i saw her license plate (WLF 547). she didnt get mine. so if i was at all the bitch that she thinks i am, i could very well find her and do things to her vehicle and she'd never have the slightest idea of how to figure out who it was.
anyway, i followed her down strachan to 13th and made a right just as she did. i was turning left at the next set of lights and changed lanes...you should have seen her speed up! she couldnt do 60 fast enough so that i couldnt pull alongside her. nevermind that we were the only 2 vehicles on strachan when she was doing 40, and i would have had ample opportunity to pull alongside her then...i found utter amusement in her panic. my intention was not to pull alongside her because i'd had enough of the confrontation, but to scare her into thinking i was going to follow her home and assault her. i think inciting fear is more satisfying than calling someone a bitch.
and i have her license number...does she really think that her comment was a success?
who's laughing now, bitch?
that scotia bank was right when they said "you're richer than you think"?
fuck, i've spent the last few days really stressing out about money and shit and just checked my bank account and it wasnt as harsh as i had expected. seriously, i love these times of the month when you stress about shit and then find out it's not nearly as bad as you predicted.
of course it helps that i made a conservative grocery shop last week and have cancelled a couple of appointments which would further drain my account.
but now things seem to be more manageable...thank goodness.
wapanese.
“Wapanese” are decidedly caucasian individuals who, by means of thoroughly warped postmodern acculturation processes, have come to the decision that it is in their best interest to act as if they were denizens of the nation of Japan. The term “wapanese” can be accurately though of as an analog to wigger. A whitey can be classified as a “Wapanese” if they are in possession of two or more of the following defining traits:
1. Has an unhealthy obsession with shallow, saccharine and intellectually insulting animation shows (also refered to as anime by the nerd elite) originally tailored for young Japanese children
2. Operates under the erroneous belief that every aspect of American culture is vastly inferior to that of Japan’s – even though 99.9% of Wapanese have never had firsthand experience of any sort with their preferred culture (in other words, they’ve never set so much as one foot upon the island(s) of Japan)
funny enough, gwen stefani's picture appears under this dictionary definition! uh-haw, that's my shit!
we had a lot of snow and wind and because we live on the periphery of the bald assed prairie, we are treated to huge drifts across the driveway and sidewalk.
shovelling duty has always defaulted to me. i have no idea why, it just is what it is i suppose. drives me nuts. i like living where we do, but christallfuckingmighty, i hate shovelling the snow and i loathe the tumbleweeds and garbage that blow into our yard. if we lived in a more developed area [read: older] then i wouldnt have half the problems i do now. likely the wind would be blocked more and there'd be less bullshit flying into our yard.
as i type this i can hear the wind howling outside and i just cringe because it's not going to be pleasant shovelling that shit.
putting it off as long as i possibly fucking can.
make your own chucks @ http://www.converse.com/#/products/shoes/converseone/builder/chuTayLayUpCan0909
i went out to the roller derby tonight with michelle and jacques. i really thought it was an amazing slice of life that you dont ordinarily see in the hat. lots of goth and emo chicks who were rockin it. and the bodies? let me tell you, roller derby brings a different slice of life. i dont think they're looking for athletes per se, so you see girls of all shapes and sizes. when i look at it, it's a bunch of chicks who are out there, not afraid of how they look, they're just doing their thing and loving it. girl power!
lots of girls, lots of hairdos...definitely a lot of alternative dressing people, which made me think that i need to pull the rug out from under my feet and change it up. either get a fucking piercing, put some wack red or pink streak in my hair, or definitely start dressing differently. maybe with a bit more edge.
i loved it that these chicks gave shit but wouldnt take it. hip checks, elbows, knee slides, and ass slams into the concrete and they'd get up and give'er. tough. just all out chicks putting it out there, regardless of how much their muffin tops hung out of their shorts. you could really sense a family in the skaters and jammers. it was fucking cool. i wish i knew how to skate. i think it would really blow off steam because i'm such a passive aggressive cunt.
from there we went to original joe's. newly opened about 1 month ago and it is THE place to see and be seen. saw two of my fitness friends in there just tables apart from each other, which was good. had a good flatbread and hummus appy, some aprikat, and very very good conversation. for once it was great to be around 2 people who are who they are with no bullshit and are very real. no pretensions, no fakery. i knew that when i went to the bathroom mich and jacques werent talking smack about me. we just had a great time together...
all in all, a good night...and now it's bedtime for me....
night night blogland.
i know that we are our own worst critics. i get that.
i also see how others are far too critical on themselves. take my friend sandra...always complaining she's so OLD and shit. meanwhile, you'd die to look like her at 46. she's got gorgeous dark brown hair and big brown eyes and is petite. i call her my ''size 2 on a fat day'' friend. she's too damned cute.
anytime you mention aging, she is always telling you to stfu and remember that she is old. my argument is that she might be older than me, but she is cute and cute gets you further.
i notice this at the gym. i've been going to the gym with the same chicks now for 3 years. some have been really kind (amanda and oh btw, thank you!) and others ignore you completely. i can understand that. i'm not really the outgoing type so i probably come off the same way they do.
but there are girls i've had conversations with in the past who i see regularly now each night and they act as if they've never seen me before. i cant help but think that if i was prettier or thinner or fitter that they'd treat me differently.
and that's where the dichotomy comes in. i think that all my life i've been ugly. nobody was interested in me in elementary. i was clumsy and i likely smelled. i can understand that. but there are those things that stick with you like the time we had a lunchbox social and it was the girls' turn to bring the lunches and the boys on my bus saw my box and told everyone it was mine, so nobody would bid on it. oh unless you count the twerpy grade one kid who was my best friend's little brother who told me afterward that my lunch was an epic fail and that i should have put something better in there. well, fuck. but it was the sting of nobody within a five year age range bidding on my lunch because of assholes like chris malmberg, shane malmberg, and brad atkinson. oh those assholes loved to make my bus ride painful too...always hacking on me about my lack of tits. nevermind that marnie and janice had equally as small tits as me, but oh no, pick on the stupid nerd from herronton and make her grade 8 life hell, why dont you?
assholes.
and then it was jr high where i lusted after clint and that was unrequited until grade ten when he finally woke up and decided that since we were neighbours he'd like to fuck me. the trouble with that was that i was exceptionally frigid, not interested in sex, and mostly had long been over my crush on him. it was not an option. i remember he called me over under the guise of me helping him with math and then he put the moves on me. he wouldnt let me leave his house either. i was terrified. the new me now would have rationalized with him and just walked out but the old me was too naive and stupid and scared of hurting feelings to do anything about it. instead i burst into tears, tore out of there, and was afraid to leave my house. my parents were in calgary for the day and i was alone there worrying that clint would try it again later. after that episode he told the biggest asshole in senator riley (dustin rustebakke) about it all and that fucker wouldnt leave me alone about it for the rest of grade ten. kept going on that there was going to be a "private party" @ clint's and i was invited...oh and it would just be him and clint there. yeah, really great.
and then senior high i loved mitch parker. looking back, the guy was a total dork, but i really liked him. he went to LCI so he was different than the rest of the guys in nobleford. but then i ran into him in university when we were out at the bar and we chatted for a bit and before he left the table, his friend said to him, " you liked HER?" and it wasnt said with any flattery.
i think for the most part i've gotten over that stuff. really. it doesnt keep me up at night.
but lately i've just felt so fucking ugly. it's in the pictures i've seen of me where my nose looks like a fucking beak...it's the expressions on my face. everyone else looks fantastic and photographic, and i look like dog ass. i dont get it. i can fix myself up and be somewhat satisfied, but then a picture is taken and i look as if i havent touched myself. i'm way too tanned, that beak is disgusting, and dont get me started on my hair.
i look in the mirror and really wonder what the point of it all is. why bother trying? when you try, you look like ass and once again, you're on that fucking bus to mossleigh being reminded that you should have just fucking stayed in bed.
so we sent blessings a letter the other day. it wasnt much, just about 2 pages telling him what our story was, plus another two with maps of where we live compared to him.
i then went to the dollar store to buy some stickers and found a sports themed coloring book. crayons dont ship flat, but i was hoping he might enjoy the pictures inside.
so i took all this to the post office and sent it regular airmail to the tune of $14.00! for a fucking envelope and contents weighing less than a fucking orange.
bullshit!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r838pJCS2o0
here's the song.
funny how the message boards are out there describing the song as a man and woman who sound like robots.
robots! ha ha!
i often go to shaw's VOD menu to watch shows from HBO as if i'm renting a dvd.
for some reason "californication" is titled "CALIFORNICTION"...it's missing the A.
i wonder if that is deliberate so that people dont complain?
but god, the prudes would wither up and faint if they actually watched the show with all the Fuck bombs...
i wonder why they label it like that?
today's exercise class was one minute cardio: do something for one minute. in *theory* a good instructor makes it into an exponential workout, meaning that you do something for one minute, build onto it with something else for the next minute, go back to the first, the second, and add on a third exercise, etc. until you are doing about 8 different exercises in a row continuously. i'm not sure if i'm explaining it correctly, but a good instructor (read: NOT fifi) would do that.
fifi's idea of one minute cardio was doing jumping jacks for one minute, and then switching to a myriad of different exercises for another minute. basically all we did were jumping jacks, running on the spot, double jacks, and oh let's not forget burpees, shall we? fuck.
part way through the class she wanted us to partner up, something i absolutely loathe because it's just stupid and of course i revert to my childhood and being the last picked consistantly. and at this class it's really not much different in that i'm there solo, talking to nobody BY CHOICE, and basically keeping my head down and focussed on my form and not my neighbour. generally. (altho i have to admit that sometimes these bitches make for interesting fitness commentary afterward while i retell it to friends, but whatever).
so while we were partnered up a song came on that had dubbed in voices from speak n spell. it was going on in sentences saying something about "getting my satisfaction" and saying "satisfaction" over and over again. i fucking thought it was hilarious. and what was more hilarious was that nobody else budged when this song came on. they just lamely did their thing, so i turned to one of the older girls in the group and said "isnt this speak n spell" and she laughed and said "yes", but i am not too sure she really understood what i was saying.
aaaaah speak n spell...reminds me of the good old days of merlin and simon. remember those?
wednesday i bought condoms. probably the first time in about 2 yrs. we havent been using any form of birth control, which I KNOW is retarded. i get paranoid around the middle of the month and then worry for 2 weeks straight till i get aunt flo. i'm tired of it and this is about the only thing that will make me relax, other than the usual abstinence.
(and i say "usual" because it usually IS)
the bunch of condoms i purchased were made by durex called ''play''. there was a tingling one in there (which makes me wonder if it will produce freaking rashes, itches, and infections), a few regular ones, a heating one, and one that was dubbed "her pleasure". i'm assuming it has more ridges on there which to me are so HO HUM, but when i inspected closely, there is FLAVOURED LUBRICANT on there!
ok, let me get this straight: you market this shit for women but then you add a flavoured lubricant to it? so basically, you are expecting blow jobs, yes? well, how the fuck is that women's pleasure? i realise that there are women out there who like that, but i'm not fanatical and i dont see it being MY pleasure and generally speaking, going down on a man pleasures a woman how?
if you ask me, durex is going to have to change that name from "women's pleasure" to "ok yes, i suppose i'll go down on you but only this once because i'm not injesting creaky rubber tasting condoms and hum, it's weakly flavoured like grape but i can still taste the rubber, and oh good christ are you done YET?"
i just got back from the dentist...$323 later and my teeth are checked and cleaned and polished. kinda seems a bit excessive, doesnt it?
thank god we have insurance, but we have to pay for it all up front. i get about 80% of it covered, so it's not that bad, but i have to put it on my mastercard, which blows. fuck, that stupid mastercard pisses me off. racked up and uncontrollable at times and i just loathe bringing that fucker out.
back to the dentist next year. i only go once a year. i really dont have major problems. oh sure, he's always trying to convince me that i should get braces. he's talked my ears off about getting "red white and blues" two years in a row and this year it was all about the "damon brackets"...uh huh. of course there is an orthodontic record charge if i say i'm interested in pursuing something. i'm not.
i will take my teeth as they are: slightly imperfect, but all out healthy. fuckin eh!
man it's starting to stress me out.
if it's not the $200USD plus food and hotel extra cost, it's the getting up there. sandra has been jokingly (but i'm sure seriously) talking about balking and not going. that would leave me out $300 for the weekend of hotels. definitely not cool.
to top it all off we had the car dilemma of being accused of being a snob because i wished to drive myself. oh fucking piss off. that was followed by ass kissy see through text messages. basically, i know what is coming...janine wants me to drive her up there too. i get pissy thinking about it because it's so transparent. and of course bitches talk, so there's the talk of her never paying her share for the gas. i've heard that and even tho it's never happened to me, i get testy and anxious and wonder if i'm going to have to have "that" talk about common sense and decency.
and so now she is texting me telling me she is bringing some other person along. and i get the impression she is expecting to ride along with me and bring this other girl. oh and to boot, this chick isnt staying at the hotel but is staying with a friend. why this fucking cunt cant drive herself is beyond me...
anyway, i have this sneaky suspicion that she is buttering me up to drive her and this chick along and then "just" ask if i mind taking this girl to the place she's staying and picking her up daily and shuttling her. so yeah, i could see this turning into a BIG deal of driving all over hell's half acre shuttling some girl between classes. if you ask me it's a LOT to ask of someone she's never met before.
so now i'm fucking stressed about that. and quite frankly, i'm almost at the point of saying that it's just sandra and i in the car and too fucking bad for anyone else. they can fucking drive themselves. i owe nobody favours and i most certainly am not a fucking taxi.
i dont know what the fuck i'm doing in terms of fitness. just kinda wondering where the balance is in all of this.
maybe it's just that i feel i have to sacrifice so much, but i do feel as if i'm really missing out at times. take this past weekend...i went out, ate as i pleased, and drank. now in all honesty, i did drink a little too much. that i can admit...on monday i felt sluggish and tired and to tell you the truth, bad eating or habits are always reflected in monday or tuesday's work outs. always. i can tell if i'm not eating properly by my performance. if i'm sluggish, tired, and ass dragging, i can only blame the weekend's events.
at the same time, i am worried about being fat. totally pissed that i weighed as much as i did 2 or 3 weeks ago. totally. cant believe it in fact. had swore previously never to do that.
i do know that i had a fun summer and come to think of it, a fun year. just really didnt think too much of stuff simply because i was working out five days a week. yeah, i had felt it in some of my pants that i had put on some weight, but figured it was nowhere near 22lbs. so in the meantime i had been drinking etc and enjoying life.
previous to that, i had been on the other end of it, the extreme. avoiding bad friends, food, and drink and lost a shitload of weight. actually got below my fitter weight in yyc. but it was too extreme...it's not fun not to have a social drink or see friends, or eat wings. that sucks!
so here i sit wondering where the balance is between it all. fuck, if i cut shit out, i can look great and feel good, but at the same time i miss everything. if i continue to work out and eat whatever, i gain weight.
i really have to find a balance in life. right now it just feels as if i'd look at a beer and gain weight. think of a pocket dog and balloon up. something's gotta give and i have to figure out what. i do not like my current size yet i want to live.
taken from good housekeeping 1955.
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her place.
those are my mother's three favourite words right after "oh dont go".
what i dont understand about my mother is that whenever i want to do something for myself, she is always quick to tell me not to do it and then follow it up with "just a thought" as if she is casually suggesting something awesome.
this weekend ch wants to go to yyc for his annual football update. oh yeah, football is nearly over. only two more weekends and then silence from the tv, which is usually accompanied by pouting till august and preseason b.s.. so ch wants me to go to yyc with him and hang out. really, all he's looking for is someone to share the 3hr car ride. nevermind that i just did it last weekend solo without complaints, but this weekend he cant do it alone apparently. so i casually mention it to my mom, who has to "just a thought" me to death over it and tell me that i should just suck it up and go along with him. see, my mom has this 50's mentality of just making home "a nice place to be", silencing the children before he comes in the door, and making sure she serves dad food like a common slave. she has endless fights with jan and i over us being quite the opposite and GASP not starting dinner till long after our spouses are home. so in this instance, she really believes i should just STFU and go along with my husband.
next weekend i'm going to phat camp and there is a chance that my roommate isnt coming, which is an issue unto itself. i had mentioned that to my mom and said that i wasnt too happy about it and she responded with the "just a thought" that i shouldnt bother going and should just tell her that we should stay home instead.
oh, so i get it: when i want to do something for myself, i should stay home and kill the fun, but if ch wants something, i should put aside my feelings and thoughts and go along with it?
i want to slap my mom into the new decade and tell her that the 50's ended a hell of a long time ago. even when i think about things back when she was my age, she was dressing like a 60yr old in her fortrel elastic waisted pants and blouses. i dont remember my mom dressing fashionably. i'm sure it bothers her to no end that i wear jeans with a ZIPPER and shorts and tank tops. she probably thinks i should have graduated to alia or the arnold palmer section of sears by now.
regardless, i'm tired of the fifties mentality and the "just a thought"s. here's just a thought: fuck off.
many years ago after my grandpa died, i had a dream about him.
i was walking in the park at the end of 40th street nw. he'd take us there occasionally. you could see out over the city, mostly bowness from there.
in my dream he was sitting on a park bench in his dapper navy blue pea coat with his beret on. and i knew he wasnt alive because tigger was sitting beside him. there was a warm west wind blowing and i ran to him and he got up and hugged me and it was a warm bulky hug that smelled like him and i exclaimed, "grandpa! you're alive!" and it was so real, you know? so very real.
i woke up crying. and i think there was a part of me that knew right then and there that it was a real experience, that i did see him, touch him, hug him, and that everything was ok.
[i'm telling you, google earth is awesome and sucks at the same time!]
ch and i definitely have different schedules. apart from the obvious of him sleeping till noon daily and me getting up early and going to bed relatively early, there are differences that have become annoying as of late.
for the most part, ch retreats into himself when he's sober. spends lots of time either watching tv, playing video games, or writing emails. but after a few drinks he's wired for sound and wanting to talk and talk and talk. and it's always the same stuff going on in an endless uninterruptable monologue: work, life, stories told over and over again. even if i cut him off 1/2 way through, he will still finish the story.
most times i dont mind because he is a really quiet person. and i think, apart from his siiiiiiiiiister and mother, i'm really the only female he opens up to and blabs with.
but what irritates me is his penchant for talking to me when i'm trying to do something. it just seems that when i'm trying to read something or am busy with something that requires my full concentration, he's yammering at me. i have to finally abandon what i'm doing in order to let him finish whatever it is he's trying to say.
right now he's downstairs playing video games drinking a beer. when i return home from the gym he will still be there, likely 4 beer deep into the afternoon. give him 1 hr and he will be wanting to talk to me...and by that time i'll be doing something that doesnt involve conversation. guaranteed.
oh the joys of married life....going now...to look at my old sunnyside apartment on line.
finished.
i really enjoyed this book, shed a few tears part way through.
harry stood for a moment watching her. her head looked like the heaviest of peonies after a rain, her body tilted forward over ralph's. and the thought came to him that it wasnt just one person who had died, but all the filaments of life connecting that person to everyone he'd ever known and to every place he'd ever been.
i'm telling you, the number of people out there that know the difference between these two words is shrinking.
i have read many sites or emails where people use "loose" when they really mean "lose". "i need to loose weight"...fuck, you dont need to LOOSE it, you need to LOSE it. oh, and pick up a dictionary too.
fucking drives me nuts when people fuck up BASIC english.
this IS my old apartment!!
http://www.realtor.ca/propertyDetails.aspx?propertyId=8735900
it's a shame it's on the bottom of the building because it was my favourite. if it had a balcony i'd have never left...
i cant believe there's just over 500sq feet...and the price?!? holy shit.
i have had the most unproductive day, ever.
i got up, tooled around on the internet, "virtually" chatted with a few friends over email, got a phone call from my sister telling me all about panama for 2hrs, and am back to surfing the net. here it is 3:15 and nothing has been accomplished other than a shower and a made bed. i feel sluggish and off kilter. maybe it's from being on google earth and going through my old haunts in yyc: kensington, my old apartment that is now for sale (which reminds me to check it out on mls.ca), inglewood, deer run...i even swung by dave's place and we havent talked in years.
but now my world is all wierd and i'm wired from diet pepsi...time to collect the thoughts and get geared up for the gym....
that's me.
just cantankerous today.
i think it was the telus shit that kinda started it out.
that, and the fucking bitches i'm going to phat camp with...fuckers.
with women, EVERYTHING is complicated. everything.
we are going up to yyc the last weekend of the month. i figured i'd be staying alone. contemplated staying with the inlaws or just even on my own in a hotel room. i dont want to bunk with a stranger...i'd like to take a shit/fart/whatever in private. then i find out that my friend sandra's coming along and we will share a room together. hey, that works for me. we will definitley have some fun together. we think alike so it will be a good time, guaranteed.
so then the emails come out about how we'll get there and they're fishing for drivers. i stay silent because sandra and i have agreed to go together in my car. the less people the better. the optimal reason for me is that i can escape when i want without bullshit. there are six of us going, so do i really want to be stuck waiting for a couple of people when i could just be responsible for me and one other person? and citing my past example from vegas, i was happy that we chose 2 vehicles to go to great falls because the other party wanted to stay longer when there was a flight delay; i wanted to get home. glad we went that way. same deal for yyc.
so then someone volunteered to drive and has room for six, but basically bitched that if she took all six, there'd be less room for cargo. so i just spoke up and said that they'd have plenty of room since sandra and i were going separately. well, that just created a shit storm of bitching. fuck. i do not want to be crammed into someone's vehicle for 3 hrs with five other bitches i barely know. i'm sorry, that isnt a good time for me. and because i'm tall, inevitably i'd be stuck in some cramped position. i would far rather drive and be comfortable than be stuck for three hours.
i went to the gym last night where it got mentioned that i'm being a snob by driving solo. fuck off. then this morning i got a bb txt from janine mentioning that she wouldnt mind coming with us etc. make up your fucking mind. you were content to go with kendee ten minutes before that and now that i'm going separately you want to come with us? whatever. i kinda just get tired of all the bs and want to do my own thing.
i'm tired of these fucktards sending me these god damned spam messages. i've received this one THREE times today...and fucking telus mail isnt working properly to send it to the spam graveyard. piss me off. i just wish there was a way to get even with these fucking assholes for sending this trash repeatedly.
Elizabeth Edward
elizebeth_edward@hotmail.fr
The "About Last Night: Pictures From Tuesday, Jan. 12th" story is located at http://espn.go.com/blog/sportscenter/post/_/id/21809/about-last-night-pictures-from-tuesday-jan-12th
Letter of Relationship
From Elizabeth Edward,
BP 460 ABIDJAN 39.
COTE D'IVORIE.
Dearest one,
Permit me to inform you of my desire to go into business relationship with you , after going through your profile and I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to the nature of my proposal,which requires a reputable and trustworthy person. Someone who will be kind and sincere to me.
l am Miss Elizabeth Edward,the only daughter of late Mr and Mrs Maxwell Edward.My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan here, the economic capital of Ivory Coast, he was poisoned to death his only brother (My Uncle) and his business associates on one of their business meeting. My mother died on the 20th october 1991 and my father took me so special because l am motherless.
Before the death of my father on 29th november 2007 in a private hospital here in Abidjan, he secretly called me on his bedside,when I sat down to listen to him, he started crying, when I aksed him why?
(1) He complained that I am too young to be managing my life with no one to take care of me,(2)That I have not finished my university education as he planned for me, he revealed to me that he has a sum of US$21.m(twenty one million u.sdollar) left in a security company here in Abidjan, that he used my name as the only daughter for his next of kin in deposit of the funds.
He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisioned by his only brother (My Uncle) and his business parterner, that l should stay away from them as they are evil,he warned me seriousily not to associate with his brother that is my uncle,that I should seek for a God fearing foreign partner in a country of my choice where l will transfer this money and use it for proper investment purpose,that I must finish my university education by the help of a business partner abroad,that he or she should help me obtain a resident permit in his or her country.
He also gave a standing instruction to the company that the deposit must be transferred outside this country. According to my father,the money was deposited as African art work to avoid attracting attention to the deposit.
I am now ready to do all these since my father my bread winner is no more. l am honourable seeking your assistance in the following ways.
(1) To serve as my guardian in your country while I will depend on your expert advise since l am a girl of 19 years.
(2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country in order to further my university education and to secure a residential permit for me in your country.
Moreover , l am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your assistance in the transfer of this deposit to your country. Furthermore, you can indicate your option towards assisting me as l believed that this project would be concluded within seven days you signify interest to assist me by contacting the security company.
Hoping to hearing from you soon. May God bless you as you extend your helping hand to the needy.Get back to me on my private box(elizebeth_edward@hotmail.fr)
I am waiting to hear your urgent respond as soon as possible.
Best regards,
Elizabeth Edward
Elizabeth Edward
Attn:Beneficiary,
We have actually been authorized by the newly appointed UN secretary general, and the governing body of the UNITED NATIONS monetary unit, to investigate the unnecessary delay of your inheritance fund, recommended and approved in your favour.During the course of our investigation, we discovered with dismay that your payment has been unnecessarily Delayed by corrupt officials of the Bank who are Trying to divert your money into their private accounts, to forestall this, security for your funds Was organized in the form of your personal Identification number (PIN) ATM CARD this will enable only you have direct Control over this fund, we will handle this payment ourselves to avoid the hopeless situation created by the Officials of the bank.
We obtained an irrevocable payment guarantee on your Payment from the presidency. We are happy to inform you that based on our recommendation/instructions your Entire Inheritances fund has been credited in your favor through ATM card. You are therefore advice to send your contact details to Mr Mac Henry International Audit unit, United Nations Liaison Office London: EMAIL: (unitednationoffice_atm@yahoo.co.jp) to
collect your original payment slip with your ATM card.
They will issue you an ATM card that you can use to withdraw money in any ATM machine in any part of the world, but the maximum is Ten Thousand dollars per a day. So if you like to receive your funds through this means kindly let us know by contacting the card payment center and also send the following information as stated below to them as directed above.
1. PHONES AND FAX NUMBER,
2. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD
TO (P.O BOX NOT ACCEPTABLE)
3. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION
4. HOME EQUITY {YES OR NO}.
5. YOUR FULL NAME.
NOTE: YOU ARE ADVICED TO FURNISH MR MAC HENRY WITH YOUR CORRECT CONTACT DETAILS.AND ALSO BE INFORMED THAT THE AMOUNT TO BE PAID NOW IS $8.3 MILLION THE REST WILL BE PAID TO YOU IN A LATER DATE.
We expect your urgent response to this email to enable us monitor this payment effectively thereby making contact with Mr Mac Henry as directed to avoid further delay.
CONGRATULATIONS.
PAT JAMES
UNITED NATIONS, NEW YORK
http://www.un.org/News/Press/docs/2003/ik344.doc.htm
oh yes, and before i forget...
this accounting woman tried repetitively to convince me that i simply must change my sales journal to reflect her way of thinking. over and over again, i challenged her on it and tried more than once to explain how things are done in our business and how our procedures for sales work.
finally today she saw my entire point..."yes, you're right...you should be subtracting the vendor payment from the total credit card deposit"...jesus christ, i've only been saying that now since the end of november.
i dont think that listening is an accounting skill either.
honestly. i'm beat on my feet.
the accounting person came early and left before noon. predictably, she had to take stuff back with her to work on in the office. she has no idea when she will be back to fix it all. currently we are out 137$ and change. nobody knows where it is and there is no amount in any ledger to correlate. hey, all i could do was shrug my shoulders and leave it to them. (meanwhile i can hear the bill building up)
she was kind of pissy with me when she got here because i didnt do something to speed up the process. "oh, maybe i didnt make myself clear when i asked you this". uhm, no you didnt. you just said print out the ledger and statement and highlight the outstanding cheques. i did that. but you wanted me to do it on the ledger? oh....well now you tell me. christ.
regardless, she was here 2.5 hrs, all the while apologizing profusely for the process taking so long. i told her i expected as much. i think she took affront to it, but i tried to explain it to her that it wasnt that i didnt have confidence in her but that when dealing with numbers, nothing is ever just cut and dried...at least with our books anyway. there's always a clusterfuck.
there is a fundamental difference between people of different areas of study, that's for sure. the logical types (like this lady) seem to see things in black and white, or one and one is 2 kind of linear thinking. i have more of an analytical mind, so when i'm thinking of things, i try to think outside the box. please note that outside the box is NOT welcome in the accounting world. neither is humor.
c'est la vie. i could care less. maybe it's just that kind of day.
today the accounting tech is coming to reconcile the books and figure out the $9200 in discrepancies in our bank reconcilliation journal. i have a feeling this is going to be a frustrating long day of sitting here watching her plunder through it with the grace of a 13 yr old who reads slowly and painfully, struggling over simple words. sometimes i feel like the dude i had in driver's ed who had the brake pedal on the passenger side of the car. he'd depress that thing if i was doing something stupid and about to hit something. i'd always be revving the engine, wondering why it wasnt doing anything, and he'd be there pressing that brake keeping me from making a fool out of myself.
i give the accounting lady the main chair and i perch on a kitchen chair. she'll be squinting and wondering what my codes mean, implying that my books are a mess, and how terrible it all is. she put her foot in her mouth the last time she was here and altho it angered me slightly, i was amused as she kind of muttered out an apology.
these guys seem to know how to drain bank accounts with useless bullshit. 2 yrs ago they took over our books and did our bank recs for us, something i didnt do and something the old accounting firm never bothered doing either. in fact, those cunts never bothered doing much, other than wanting a payment each month. our books went to the firm in town here 2 yrs ago where they promised to clean shit up. they did our bank recs and journal entries, promising that 2008 would be much better. well, it wasnt. my bank recs went swimmingly but they insisted that things still werent right to the tune of 5 grand. christ. we repeated the process in 2009 and i was just told the last time the lady was here that once we got all this cleaned up, our year end costs would be less. and ever the cynic, all i could think of was yeah, right. heard that one before.
what kills me is that they promise that everything will be straightened out, but it never is. or they seem to shade in most of the picture for you but always neglect (on purpose i believe) to mention that there was one additional part you didnt do and they'll have to send someone out here to "fix" it. always at our cost which gets blended into the year end fiasco and fuckery of charges.
i think that arlene believes she'll be here a couple of hours max and will be able to return to her accounting hidey hole at the office. i believe she will be here till at LEAST noon and then will be scurrying out of here with the promise that she will have to return to fix everything again in the near future. she's going on holidays starting tomorrow, so i bet you that she will promise to return once her holidays are over.
hey, i may not know everything, but i do know that "simple fixes" in accounting are never simple or fixes. ever.
i was on a fucking roll last night!
i decided to open up "late nights on air" and start from the beginning so i could get a grasp of what was going on. i cant remember the last time i opened it, so i was grateful to start again.
can i just say that i was immensely enjoying this book? so much so that i fucking stayed up till midnight reading it and i'm over 1/2 done. maybe i'm riding on the euphoria of it being an interesting read (compared to the amy tan travesty i finished, which felt as if i was crawling over broken glass)...who knows? either way, i cant wait to get back into it and pass it on.
takers?
i was hoping to get away from fifi's fitness classes and go back to regular (read: GOOD) instructors. nope, it's not to be. fucking hell, she's teaching our 6am boot camps again with bikini combined in. i looked around this morning and it's the same suckers who were in the nov/dec bikini bootcamp paying marla the $400 and they're doing it all over again for the next two months. really? could people really like that bitch enough to pay $800 in less than 1/2 a year to get her shit assed fitness classes? i get my classes for FREE and even then i feel as if THEY should be paying ME to attend this clusterfuck.
yeah, yeah, yeah, i should either just quit or stfu, right?
i was talking to a chick d and i call "crack o' dawn" (ass hanging out of shorts daily) and she said she tried complaining to marla about fifi and marla, ever with her head up her own ass, said, "oh isnt fifi the GREATEST? dont you just LOVEEEE her?" fuck youuuuu. both d and i agree that any complaints will fall on deaf ears. afterall, it would mean that marla would actually have to GASP work and GASP go into her studio and do something about it. as if.
then we were talking about some of the other chicks who have been pushing marla, wanting to purchase 6 month memberships. so marla retorted with the fee of $500. uhm, my YEAR membership is $600+gst. those chicks got ripped right off.
what a fucking shit show.
i have no idea why i stay there. i was thinking about it this morning as i was struggling to get ready and put my hair up, where i was looking through bleary sleep-deprived eyes and wondering what i have to prove by going to these classes. i fucking hate them, i hate the time, it's not like i have anywhere to be because i just crawl back into bed...so why in the fuck am i doing this? part of it is punishment, the other part really wants to return to the shape i was in back in february at my apex...
i have this long lost hope that these three classes of misery a week, combined with janine's classes, will give me the winning edge. i certainly hope so.
i'm really not so sure i want to go to vegas in april. we already have a trip paid for and planned for the end of may, so do i really *need* to be there less than a month before that? not really.
to boot, i'm going to be expected to be a parking stall for a stupid girlfriend. i can already feel it. ch's friend sm is dating a real egghead ditzy 20 year old whose ambition is to lock herself into a relationship and do nothing but spend money. i've met this girl once at a wedding and although she was beautiful, she had no manners or tact and was quite juvenile.
at one point in the evening, sm and i were talking at a table. she was up on the dance floor dancing and flirting with other wedding guests and right away i could see the future of this relationship clearly. sm is my age, she is barely 20 with guys chatting her up here and there and she was soaking it all in and clearly loving the attention. if i was sm, i'd be concerned about what she's doing when i'm at work all day. i'm just sayin. after she had finished dancing/flirting, she realised that her meal ticket might not appreciate it, so she rushed over to his side and sat there while we conversed. instead of actively listening, she started whispering in his ear and giggling and they started in on a private conversation...quite frankly, i thought it was rude of her to come up and act that way. sure, if you want to have a conversation with your significant other i'm not going to stop you, but there is something so deliberately rude and just downright immature to purposefully exclude someone sitting at a table that is just unforgiveable in my opinion. i got up and left them and said nothing.
we ended up taking a taxi back to the hotel where we were staying and sm wanted to go for a beer before bed with us. i was more than tired of his gf tanya. her rude behaviour and endless whispering and tittering (and she DOES have a tittering laugh that is really fake and annoying and OHMYGOD i want to poke my ears out annoying) drove me batty, so i went to bed. ch decided he'd have a nightcap with them and went to the bar in the casino. he said they all sat down at the bar and she immediately started in with her whispering and tittering at sm and it was to the point where sm's back was turned to ch...ch got sick and tired of it and finished his drink and got up and left without saying goodbye. sm and tanya didnt notice.
i foresee her expecting sm to pay and fund her entire trip to vegas and i think that sm just expects me to be the parking stall for tanya while he is off either gambling with ch or visiting the oil convention. all i can say is HELL NO.
i do think i'm getting very cantankerous in my old age because i know what i will NOT put up with. and it's getting to the point where i really dont give a horse's ass if i say it out loud to sm and tell him that there's no way i'm going to reduce myself to a 78iq to get down to her level to entertain her on my vacation.
other guys attending these kinds of functions just expect me to entertain their gf's. darren falls into the same category, and i never heard the end of it when i had spa reservations made which left his gf to her own devices during the day while we were in mexico in 09. she was always sure to tell me how displeased he was about it. i expect the same of sm.
again, i'm too cranky...instead of bottling this shit up, i'm just going to blow. i can already feel it...
this past week i finished off three books i've been meaning to finish. i usually start books, grow tired of them, and put them aside.
so this past week i finally finished off "the birthday party". very easy read, but i did find the narrator to be a little annoying at times and near the end in part two, a tad wordy and a little annoying with over describing details. i have a feeling tho that i have a very short attention span and if it's something i cant get hooked on, i lose interest quickly. so the first part of the book was quite interesting, but when he started talking about the confessions etc, i grew bored.
the second book i finished was "a complicated kindness". cdn book and kind of confusing to follow at times, only because there really were no quotes when people were speaking and there were a ton of nicknames. i suppose i can relate to the nicknames thing because i tend to do that in my own life, but it was a matter of understanding WHO this person was referring to and their roles when the nicknames were used. i did like the book and regret taking so long to finish it. it's almost worthy of a second read, however i'm dead set to get rid of books and not bother keeping them around collecting dust.the last one i finished off today was "saving fish from drowning". a few words on this: i am ordinarily an amy tan fan. i loved "the joy luck club", "100 secret senses", and "the kitchen god's wife". i was really hoping this book would run along the same vein. wrong. it dragged on, only to become more interesting in the last long winded chapter. the rest of the book kind of meandered along and was slow to deliver the climax. maybe it's that my brain is growing softer as i age, or again, a short attention span, but if a book doesnt grab me right away, i have a hard time finishing it. ideally, i want a book to pull me in during the first few chapters and leave me feeling like i cant possibly put it down or cant wait to have a spare moment to resume reading. it's been a long time since i've felt that.
i was sincerely hoping to experience that with the latest amy tan book, but i was let down. i hope that when i pass it on, someone else will appreciate it and embrace it more than i did.
the next series i intend to finally finish is "a suitable boy". i say 'series' because i have it in pocket books and it's three individual books, the first one i've never been able to get through. i fully intend to do that. i *hear* it's good, but god only knows.
when i was wandering around coles the other day, i saw so many books i want, but with a 5 tiered shelf full of unread books it becomes absolutely impossible to justify purchasing more books.
i had this strange feeling.
it was the same feeling you get when you've spent a lot of time with a friend or relatives or someone and you're kind of sick of them and want to be alone again but then the time comes for them to leave and suddenly more than anything you dont want them to go and you act really nice again and run around doing things for them but you know that time is running out and then when they're gone you're kind of relieved but also sad that you hadnt been a better friend and you tell yourself next time for sure i'll be a better friend. and you kind of want to call them up and apologize for being a jerk but at the same time you dont want to start something stupid and you hope the feeling will just go away and that nobody hates you.
as much as i'm an animal lover, i have to admit that i can easily find ways to be annoyed with them.
having 3 different types of pets has always proven a balancing act. the dogs basically have the run of the main floor, while the cats own the rest of the house.
the cats i've had for years. they've always had the run of whatever place i've owned in the past. as soon as the dogs moved into my life, the cats took a back seat. part of that reason was that the dogs demanded so much god damned attention, while cats can easily exist so long as there is food and litter available. once those needs are met and a sunbeam is found, cats are happy.
the dogs lately have just been getting on my nerves. part of it really isnt their fault, as dogs are needy creatures. they have an internal clock that is remarkable and know exactly when they should be fed and act up if they havent eaten by a set time. most days of the week they eat when i get home from my 6am class and again around 5 or so at night. by about 4pm they start pestering me to feed them. the feeding ritual usually consists of me either walking them or taking them for a ride out to the prairies to burn off excess steam before eating. according to cesar milan, it's best to exercise the dogs before food, much like their ancestors would have had to hunt and exercise before being fed.
so i've been catering to the dogs for nearly a year in this pattern. previous to this, i have to sheepishly admit that the exercise they got was a ball being thrown or time spent in the yard, but limited walks. i've seen the errors of my ways, but i think changing patterns has helped with their behaviours. it's a win-win.
lately tho, i have been feeling badly for banishing the cats to the basement. they are never happy if a door in the house is closed. you can let them up and 10 seconds later, they'll be meowing to go back downstairs. you let them down, and five minutes later they're scratching at the door to get up. not only that, their food is on the stairs and it's food the dogs shouldnt consume. i try to keep that door shut so that they wont eat the food and shit everywhere. my dogs dont seem to be run of the mill dogs. if you change something in their diet, they'll shit everywhere, so i try to keep a close watch on what they eat.
because the cats are getting old and crotchetty, i've tried to keep the door to the basement open wide enough for them to go down and narrow enough to keep the dogs out. i'll put something in the way of the door and they're free to come and go. lately the damned dogs have been figuring out how to push the door aside and then eat all the cat food on the stairs. i can always tell they've been down there because the food dishes are wiped clean and cats never leave dishes clean.
so today while i was up here typing away, i heard a dish rattle on the stairs and ran down to catch hudson in the act of sneaking upstairs. she was scolded and chased outside, the basement door slammed. while we were out at dinner, i barracaded the dogs in their usual spot behind a baby gate and left the basement door open for the cats to come and go. when i got home from the restaurant, the dogs were behind their gate and the cats on the couch. basement door was wide open, but i thought nothing of it.
i just put the cats down for the night and discovered two empty clean as hell dishes. evidence that the dogs had been eating their food again. it pisses me off because the cats eat canned food (because of their teeth) and it's expensive. so i started wondering when the dogs would have had the chance to eat the food...basically, the dogs waited till we left, snuck past the babygate and chair parked in front of it for "security", ate the food, and snuck back into their area.
i'm getting so tired of the dogs and cats. really. i know invited them all into my home but they are OUR pets. somehow they are MY sole responsibility and i'm very tired of being the only one to scold, discipline, feed, water, exercise, pay for their needs, and take care of their business whether it be vet bills or shit on the carpet. ch does jack shit but brag that he has dogs.
pets are a good predictor of future behaviours. i know that ch would take to parenting a kid the way he does the pets...
tonight i'm just sick and tired of the fucking pets and i need a break from all of them...from the yowling cat following me all over the house, to the needy god damned dogs who fucking steal food that isnt theirs.
i have to figure out a way to be able to keep my fucking basement door open without hudson fucking sneaking downstairs and eating cat food. i am going to have to figure out a place to put the cat food that is out of dog reach...and this dog is capeable of standing on its hind end and eating things off counters, so i'm going to have to be extra sneaky....
gotta do some brainstorming because this shit aint workin.
darren pisses me off. i can get quite lathered up about him because he has been in my life for the past decade or longer. i've actually known him longer than i've known ch which is quite sad. he dated my cousin for quite a while before they finally called it quits. there was a moment in time where i wished they'd get back together so it would all be ticketty boo again. i'm glad it never worked out that way.
darren started repeating the same pattern with crista, the first girl he moved in with once he moved out of yyc. met her in a safeway, and like all the girls before him, basically had her living with him within three weeks. he'd bring her to conventions and on trips and the two of us got along quite well. of course there was plenty of douchebaggery going on behind the scenes, thanks to his insecurities, but for the most part i got along with crista quite well.
i still keep in touch with her and she has since moved on from darren to someone else who i hope to god treats her well. it seems that most of the girls he's dated always move onto much brighter pastures with guys who worship them. they deserve it. i cant help but think of my cousin and the 7 yrs of torment she went through dealing with him and when i think of her current husband now, i have to breathe a huge sigh of relief because she got out and away from darren's bullshit.
darren's now dating a young tart. she's definitely arm candy, but that's about it. i met her in mexico last year and altho we got along well, his douchebaggery kicked into full gear the next day where we were the target of his wrath and insecurities. i played the role of counsellor all fucking day long as she lamented their night before fight and i knew that everything that was going on with them was just another scene in the endless 2 act play that is darren.
it's the same deal with every chick he dates:
ACT ONE--meet the girl; smother her with gifts, kindess, affection, profess love in the early stages of courtship; demand she spend any and all waking time with him; eventually get to the point where she moves in. give her your bank card, take her on trips.
ACT TWO--alienate her from her friends and family by either declaring out loud that you hate her friends or refuse to attend family functions, or both simultaneously; pick fights on trips. it could be as easy as what she did or didnt say, how she did or didnt hold his hand or look like arm candy, or maybe how she did hold his hand all night long but wouldnt socialize. threaten to break up with her while on said vacation and tell her all her shit has to be out by the time they get home. insist and demand that she owe him a huge apology for her perceived and undefined rude behaviour. gamely take her teary apologies, but always throw in blackmail that ex girlfriends would gladly step in, in a heartbeat to take your place. rinse and repeat over various invisible hurts and always threaten the most extreme measure.
sometimes this two act play takes place over the course of a couple months, sometimes it's a few years, but inevitably it's always the same thing.
i get quite exhausted listening to these girls lament about darren. believe me, i've heard it all over a decade ago how he treated my cousin and i hated him so much for it then. now i just find myself getting quite tired of it all and wondering when he'll ever break his own pattern and start acting normally. he's one year younger than me, yet is still stuck in the same hamster wheel of dating and mating.
i dont get it. what i'd love to see is him being single for a long time. actually taking the time to get to know someone before asking her to move in. and by time i'm talking 6 months. see her once a week, not every day. dont have sleepovers either until you've been dating more than 2 months. hey, i'm not saying this would be a surefire way to eliminate douchebaggery, but if it breaks A pattern of destruction, then why not?
i like his current girlfriend, but i can definitely find ways to avoid her. i did that in vancouver and i can most certainly do it in maui. the less i see of him, the happier i am. he's been around ruining way too many things in the past, so i most definitely want to be as far away from him as possible. the last time i actually hung out with erin, darren accused us of whoring around yyc, when all we did was go to the spa and then to dinner in our hotel. in the meantime, he had promised her he'd be home by 10 at the latest and crawled in at 2am....riiiiiiiight, erin's the whore.
i foresee a lot more fights and nonsense in maui. i'm prepared this time. i've told ch that he is free to do as he wishes with darren. if that means i spend a lot of time on my own on the beach, in the spa, or in the markets, then so be it. i'm perfectly content to be by myself because i know there is no drama.
why these girls stay with him is beyond me. he's like fucking jekyl and hyde...
dinner was remarkably good. ch had prime rib, i had salmon. and, better yet, it took more than 10 minutes to come to us, which was completely unexpected.
all during dinner ch was quite chatty about things and then he got a text message saying that his friends were all at rossco's having drinks watching the hockey game. at first he said he would decide whether he'd go, but i knew that he'd go. he can not resist the lure of the pub and the drinks.
k's husband was going to be there. i have heard many updates from people that she is immensely disappointed in him and wants him to either straighten his shit up or she will leave him. in many ways, i think we have a lot in common. ch's first love is beer. always has been, always will be. b is a few years older than ch, but i think they are at the same pace in terms of drinking. b comes home from work and has a few drinks to chill out and then a few taste like more and more until he's passing out on the couch. same with ch...i dont remember the last time we went to bed at the same time where we were sober.
so i couldnt help but think of how i'm enabling all this shit by dropping him off at the pub following a nice date out together. dont most normal people go home together and watch movies, fuck, talk, or share a bottle of wine and go to bed? that's not our marriage. and the really sad thing is that i was predicting he'd go to rossco's and was actually looking forward to being alone. i kinda wonder if i allow-slash-enable his drinking so that i can have my precious alone time.
do i have ulterior motives? i wonder.
i've been fighting off a cold or a semblance of one lately. someone got me onto oil of oregano and they swear by it. i was told to put two drops under my tongue and it would be good enough.
i dont do it daily, but kinda just do it when i think i'm feeling a bit off. the last 2 days i've kind of been feeling like a cold could descend at any time, so i've been putting the drops under my tongue.
i'm not going to lie, it tastes like ASS. very strong. but if you can get through it, then it's well worth it. you really dont feel shitty after you take these things. i'm pretty well sold on these drops being effective and healthy means of getting rid of viruses.
of course time will tell if i get sick or not. i usually get sick once a year and usually it's a doozy. my dad was like that and he'd spend days (or so it seemed) really down and out on the couch. my mom was the opposite and always seemed to be honking into kleenexes or coughing loudly. in fact, i dont remember a single morning growing up where she didnt cough 2 times really loudly every morning. she'd never cover her mouth, but would almost yell-cough into the open as a way of making sure everyone in the house knew she was up. and from there, it would always be a morning discussion over sugar free shitty cereal of how well she didnt sleep. christ, i'm not going to go there, i swear.
back to oil of oregano...i take it whenever i'm not feeling quite right. and as i type, i'm thinking i'm not feeling 100%. off to put the drops in and chug water.
to your health!!
i'm a fan of cbc. i would never have admitted that or been open to it in a million years, but as i get older, i find immense joy in listening to that station.
here in the hat we get yyc's am version of cbc, which is far more superior than cbc2 because out here it's all opera. listening to cbc radio1 in stereo is pretty good. i've grown to love the dj's and at times even appreciate the newscasts. for all intents and purposes, i live under a rock, so catching the news on the hour on cbc is good. and for the most part, their programs are really great, too. i love listening to cbc on a saturday morning with chores to do outside and it helps kill the time while i weed the garden, paint the fence or stain the deck. i learn useless but important pieces of information and i always come away smarter.
tonight i'm listening to randy bachman's vinyl tap and he informed the audience that steve wynwood got his start in a band at age 15 or 16. pretty impressive. so he played "gimme some lovin'" a few minutes ago and it definitely was sw's voice, but it blew me away that it was his SIXTEEN YEAR OLD VOICE.
yup, i'm an old fogey. i love the cbc and now i've put it out here publicly.
i neglected to mention in my blog about k yesterday that she was inquiring about our new years and how it went.
she was on the banned list of invitees for some unknown reason. both friend-not-friend and ross vetoed her and her husband. at the time of list making, i asked them why they were banning them and altho i know that ross doesnt like k's husband, friend-not-friend really had no other response other than wanting to limit the drama.
davina and i were talking about these rules that constantly change, the way that people purposefully exclude others, and both of us have said numerous times how much we disagree with the practice of exclusion, especially now that we are all old enough to know better and to play nice. then it was mentioned that people like d and i are often the targets of the excluded when they figure out that they didnt quite make the cut. suddenly their wrath over it melts onto you, even tho you were not the one to support such list making.
k's final line in her email to me asked about new years. and i know right now that she knows there was a list. it was expressed to me that her husband was upset that they werent asked to come, even tho they were going to be out of the country. in part, i know that hurt them.
so right now it seems i'm on the hook for the decisions other people made and i'm on the shit list as if i'm the one who made the guest list. and what i really want to do right now is tell her directly to talk to friend-not-friend and ross and let them answer the whys, not me.
yeah, i think this is the year for disclosure. you're damned straight: i'm going to fucking say that if i'm ever asked about a guest list. let THEM deal with their bullshit.
the problem is that friend-not-friend always has excuses on the fly, so if she was ever encountered and confronted, lies would spew forth.
it's just amazing to me that others walk around pretending to be friends and telling lies to save face.
i think honesty is a dying quality.
i wonder why it is we reconnect with people we havent seen in years?
case in point is reconnecting with people from years gone by on facebook. it was always so exciting to see that person's name on facebook, the tenative email asking "are you really you?", and the anticipation of the response, followed by numerous emails dialoguing the last decade (or longer).
immediately there is a feeling of contentment, like an itch has finally been scratched after numerous attempts to reach it.
soon after tho, the emails dry up. there really is nothing to say. days go by, then months, then years and nothing more is said. there may have been a reunion, there may not have been, but either way, that connection has suddenly dried up.
there's always guilt on my end for the loss of these friends and there are times where i wonder why i'm the one feeling guilty when it does take two to make a relationship work. i often wonder if that person ever wonders what i'm doing or if it's just me.
and then it has me wondering what the point of it all is if the friendship isnt going to be maintained?
not much has been discussed about phat camp and it's starting to worry me a bit. last night when we were leaving safeway, tammy and i started talking about it. i brought it up because i have this niggling sensation that i'm way out of my element by going. tammy agreed with me and said she had heard there would be posing classes and competitions there. uhm, i'm not into posing. no freaking way.
she then said that she is going to room with someone who is a fitness contestant. this person also goes to my gym and she is very attractive. i havent really noticed her muscles, but she does have a great body and is very young. makes me wish that i had been interested in fitness way before my late 30's. i really think i missed out and did myself a disservice, however, you can really tell in the faces of some of the girls at the gyms who has been in it for a long time and who hasnt. most of their faces are harder and chiselled. i cant adequately describe it but they look off somehow, especially the hard core fitness girls. the ones who have taken to it later look a little more feminine than the ones who have been exercising since the womb.
back on topic...i'm having a few concerns about that weekend and worrying about food and rooming. i'm staying with a friend i havent seen in a while. i just happened to find out that she was going, and am quite relieved she is because she is somewhat normal. but she has this tendancy to back out of things, so i'm preoccupied wondering if she's actually going to go through with the weekend or not. i'm hoping she does, even tho i really dont need her there. it would just be nice to room with someone i know better than a perfect stranger.
the weekend is $200. i found out last night that it's in american dollars, so that does add to the cost, plus the food out and the lodging. i *could* stay with the inlaws for free, but then that means i'd have to put up with them. no thanks. as it is, we'll be staying close to the gym, so i think that if/when we are ready to go, it wont be a huge haul to the room to freshen up to go out. i know it wont be a wild weekend because it's fitness related and we have to be up early each day of the weekend to get our workouts in.
at this point i just wish there was more organization or information about the event. not knowing stresses me out.
nothing much is going on today other than going for dinner later. we're going out to celebrate ch's bday, but just for dinner. no rossco's afterward for beer and wings. hey, ch can go if he wants, but i'm steering clear of beer until maui. i'm firm about that, even tho i know there will be significant pressure put upon me in a month or so when my friend-not-friend gets back from jamaica and is off her "no booze in january" phase. gee, i cant wait for the beer pressure to start in.
christ, that's what i hated with that group of people...constant beer pressure.
anyway, we are planning to go to the beefeater, a dated restaurant. i could stay away from it easily without any regrets, but ch is a slave to red meat. the last time we were in there was 2008 for his bday and it was a shitty experience. the restaurant is moderately priced and wants to maintain the illusion that it's a decent place to eat. so we ordered our prime rib and got up to get salad from the salad bar. we get back to the table and not even 5 mins later, our food arrived.
most people wouldnt complain about that, but i did. fuck, if i'm paying $25 per plate, i want them to fucking well give the appearance that the meals are fresh, rather than microwaved a la mcdonalds. could they not at least let me eat my fucking salad first before shoving the side of beef, blood and all, in front of me? i like the idea that they took my order and THEN cooked my food, rather than just warmed my selection in a microwave.
it could have been the atmosphere or the evening. who knows. ch didnt take his jacket off last time so he sat there looking as if he wanted to be anywhere but there. i was highly annoyed by his behaviour and it was exaserbated by the speed in which our prime rib arrived. all in all, it was definitely not worth the $80+ to sit there and be done eating in 15 minutes.
i want my dining experience to be prolonged. i mean really, when you are paying for fast food, you get it. when you pay a big chunk of change for what is peddled as a gourmet meal experience, you should get that experience, no? i dont want to be hustled in and out and i do think that the amount paid should reflect the amount of time you take to experience your dining pleasure. there's a reason there is a salad bar...to tide you over till the big meal. if they bring it to you quickly, it kind of takes away the wow factor of the meal. if memory serves me correctly, our bill was brought to us at the same time.
maybe i'm a skeptic, but i really think that meals shouldnt be consumed as if they want you out the door asap. if i want a trashtastic dining experience, i will go to the golden arches.
if this same shit show goes on tonight, i'm going to complain. i just wish they never closed the doors to di carlo. now THAT was pasta.
yup, i sat there quietly all during dinner, only answering questions if i was asked.
i have a pet peeve about going out to listen to someone talk: it's getting stuck beside motor mouths who have no decency or respect for the person trying to talk. naturally i got stuck beside the know it all cunts who wouldnt shut the fuck up the entire dinner. oh i heard everything they were saying but couldnt hear janine talking and she was two chairs down from me.
i dont have the guts to say STFU, but man, i screamed it internally. maybe cast a stink eye their way, but didnt say anything. meanwhile i heard all the gossip about the richmound bar burning down and what they had for breakfast and other whisperings about people at the table. talk about rude. and this was all coming from women my age or older. christ, if you want to talk, get your own table. show some respect for those of us who cant hear what's being said.
i dont know why we hold those things in public places anyway. fuck, it's loud in the restaurant and background noise makes it especially difficult to hear anything being said more than an arm's length away. add in the chattering chickens next to me and christ, all i got was a soupy mix of noise. i spent more time looking at the big screen tv's across from me and being amazed that there actually IS a monster truck that looks like a fucking dog, tongue and all. up till this point i thought it was part of playstation's take on monster trucks...
jesus christ.
i'm off to a nutrition meeting and discussion tonight. it's kind of a casual thing. we'll meet at montana's, eat a healthy bite, and then hit safeway to cruise the aisles looking for healthy choices. i've already done my shopping for the week, so i'll just be along to get some inspiration and ideas for dinner. i tend to eat the same things repetitively and altho i can tolerate it nicely, there are some days where i feel that i could use a little variety. yeah, i can eat chicken till i cluck, but i know that there is a lot more out there that is decent.
lately i've been on a hummus kick. i cant get enough of the shit. i have to eat it at least once a day with carrots. it has replaced ranch dressing, which i'm not sad to toss. there is something so satisfying about hummus that it makes me drool. even talking about it now has me wanting some with baked pitas....
i'm hoping that i can manoeuver tonight's discussion effortlessly. sometimes when i get in these social situations i clam up and say nothing. i'm a ridiculous bundle of insecurity, which i find to be the most unattractive quality in any person. i dont know what it is, but it seems that when i get around other women, i immediately clam up and cant say much. the others talk and get along well, and i sit there shyly in a corner observing and listening, two roles i really dont mind so much. what makes me the most uncomfortable is when i am asked a direct question and the entire table is silent and waiting for my answer....
i just hope i'm not too much of a dork tonight.
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