i think this year is going to be a slash and burn year. weeding out the bad, growing the good.
i have noticed recently that i'm getting really tired of the people who claim to be your best friend, provided you are drinking or doing what they're doing right alongside them. the minute you do something they dont do, they're all over you about how you need to relax and let go.
i've been hanging out with a couple of girls this past year, one of which i used to see regularly a few years ago. i backed off from the friendship a couple years ago, after growing tired of the constant bullshit that seemed to circle the damned group. we resumed our friendship and altho we do have a lot in common, i get the feeling that there's a lot of discussion behind my back about the things i do. to be blunt, i dont see a true friendship here, but one of convenience.
a couple of weeks ago we all went out for dinner. i was told there'd just be three of us but my friend went and invited two other girls i used to spend time with. it didnt bother me, really, but it was the fact that she didnt bother to say that she invited the other two that pissed me off. the entire time we were talking about going for dinner, she conveniently left out that she had invited the other girls along. so here i went, taking only 2 xmas presents in to the dinner thinking it was just the three of us, when she'd gone and invited the other two and i had nothing for them. i know that it sounds very trivial when i type it, but i am disturbed that she neglected to mention that detail, knowing that i havent exactly been on the best of terms with these two girls for the last year or more. there was no apology for it either, as she handed one of them the xmas present she brought along to give her.
somehow the lying and two faced behaviour is just too much for me to take. i get so tired of it and think that at nearly 40yrs old, people should have it together enough to fucking well shoot straight and stop with the bullshit that is more time consuming and energy draining than if you just told the god damned truth to begin with.
same deal with the friend who wants to be married every 10 seconds...i think it's time to put that friendship to rest permanently. it's easy enough to do, considering that she lives 6hrs away and i have no intentions to jump into a vehicle and drive up to see her new dog or house. i'm sorry that sounds callous, but i'm not wasting an entire weekend to get a tour and see a puppy and be annoyed with constant marriage talk. i'm not interested in meeting her db bf either. distance is easy enough to maintain. she keeps saying that we have to get together, and i havent responded to that. it's been nearly 3 years since we've spent time together. i can take her for about 10 mins and then i'm tired of her. i think it's a perfect indication the friendship is rotting in a corner somewhere.
as i type all that, there is a surge of guilt that overcomes me, but i cant help it. i think i want to be even more selective about who i spend my time with and more picky even at the expense of hurting others. maybe 2010 is a no-bullshit kind of year for me...who knows.
all i can say is that i intend to keep it all simple and put energy in where i get energy out. and ya know what? no apologies either.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
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i think this year is going to be a slash and burn year. weeding out the bad, growing the good.
i have noticed recently that i'm getting really tired of the people who claim to be your best friend, provided you are drinking or doing what they're doing right alongside them. the minute you do something they dont do, they're all over you about how you need to relax and let go.
i've been hanging out with a couple of girls this past year, one of which i used to see regularly a few years ago. i backed off from the friendship a couple years ago, after growing tired of the constant bullshit that seemed to circle the damned group. we resumed our friendship and altho we do have a lot in common, i get the feeling that there's a lot of discussion behind my back about the things i do. to be blunt, i dont see a true friendship here, but one of convenience.
a couple of weeks ago we all went out for dinner. i was told there'd just be three of us but my friend went and invited two other girls i used to spend time with. it didnt bother me, really, but it was the fact that she didnt bother to say that she invited the other two that pissed me off. the entire time we were talking about going for dinner, she conveniently left out that she had invited the other girls along. so here i went, taking only 2 xmas presents in to the dinner thinking it was just the three of us, when she'd gone and invited the other two and i had nothing for them. i know that it sounds very trivial when i type it, but i am disturbed that she neglected to mention that detail, knowing that i havent exactly been on the best of terms with these two girls for the last year or more. there was no apology for it either, as she handed one of them the xmas present she brought along to give her.
somehow the lying and two faced behaviour is just too much for me to take. i get so tired of it and think that at nearly 40yrs old, people should have it together enough to fucking well shoot straight and stop with the bullshit that is more time consuming and energy draining than if you just told the god damned truth to begin with.
same deal with the friend who wants to be married every 10 seconds...i think it's time to put that friendship to rest permanently. it's easy enough to do, considering that she lives 6hrs away and i have no intentions to jump into a vehicle and drive up to see her new dog or house. i'm sorry that sounds callous, but i'm not wasting an entire weekend to get a tour and see a puppy and be annoyed with constant marriage talk. i'm not interested in meeting her db bf either. distance is easy enough to maintain. she keeps saying that we have to get together, and i havent responded to that. it's been nearly 3 years since we've spent time together. i can take her for about 10 mins and then i'm tired of her. i think it's a perfect indication the friendship is rotting in a corner somewhere.
as i type all that, there is a surge of guilt that overcomes me, but i cant help it. i think i want to be even more selective about who i spend my time with and more picky even at the expense of hurting others. maybe 2010 is a no-bullshit kind of year for me...who knows.
all i can say is that i intend to keep it all simple and put energy in where i get energy out. and ya know what? no apologies either.
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