why am i excited for xmas?

i really cant answer that question.

ordinarily, i go into super hermit mode and count down till it's over.  this time around, i'm running around with anxiety and counting down till the day.

we are likely laying low here and watching movies and hanging out.  i think i'm going to go gung ho and try doing a turkey and all the fixings and i'm getting excited now thinking about it. 

that shit aint right.

so yeah, i'm menu planning in my head and wondering if i can pull it off in 4 days or less.  i'm already excited with the idea of the house smelling like turkey, perhaps some champagne and good red wine, and playing some games.  in my silly imagination i even am wearing my fucking apron and pearls for christ's sake.

i have a desire to create a happy xmas this year.  not that xmases in the past have been horrid (with the exception of 2003) but they havent really been memorable.  just kinda 'there'. 

i just want to pull off a turkey, a fait accompli, and have a nice day vegging out.  i think it's possible for now.