i had a pretty good session again with james this week. we always talk about the inlaws and the same themes keep reappearing. he's dubbed them the "space invaders" and often the phrase used in dealing with them is "you are dealing with people who JUST.DONT.GET.IT.". he's given me many things to think about, the most recent being that the inlaws dont listen to me, so pouring my heart out to them or expressing opinions is a complete waste of time and energy, that they will just continue to do as they wish when they want, always.
i get very angry when i think of the inlaws and often ruminate on it for hours on end. i can really fire myself up on occasion to the point of where it's all i'll talk about. quite frankly, i hate it, so i can just imagine what others are thinking when i start frothing at the mouth. i bore me, so if i'm boring me, i'm surely boring you. many apologies.
like i said, the same things get discussed and the same topic that we always dance around is how i should accept the inlaws for who they are and accept their behaviour. but to me acceptance goes hand in hand with tolerance, and quite frankly, i can not tolerate how they behave. i have figured in the 30-odd years i've been around the sun (heavy on the "odd"), that i do not want to align myself with people i can not respect. i would rather put more energy in to something or someone when i know i get that energy back. or even doing things freely of my own accord without a heavy dose of guilt thrown in. i hate how i'll just suddenly volunteer to do something for those twits like cook a turkey dinner, and then grouse about it for years on end because i was duped into thinking something that never was the case in the first place. james has taught me not to take bites on lines that are thrown my way, although i have to admit that it's a lesson that is taking me much longer to learn than i had hoped.
i struggle with the acceptance part. it's hard for me to say "oh that's just my mother in law...i dont like it, but it's who she is" and move on. i have a hell of a time doing that. i think it's because i know that i'm stuck with the damned selfish idiots for the rest of my marriage and there is no escape. it makes me feel like a cornered rat at times.
my natural response to anything stressful or irritating is to escape. i'm the kind of girl who relishes being alone and gets recharged from it. in concern to the inlaws, it's damned near impossible to get away from them. they're always butting in at the most inopportune moments, which drives me beyond crazy.
i think part of my goal for 2010 is to learn how to accept people for what they are but remain distant at the same time. if there is a fast track way of doing it (besides all-out avoidance), i'd be happy to hear about it. suggestions welcome!!
i had a pretty good session again with james this week. we always talk about the inlaws and the same themes keep reappearing. he's dubbed them the "space invaders" and often the phrase used in dealing with them is "you are dealing with people who JUST.DONT.GET.IT.". he's given me many things to think about, the most recent being that the inlaws dont listen to me, so pouring my heart out to them or expressing opinions is a complete waste of time and energy, that they will just continue to do as they wish when they want, always.
i get very angry when i think of the inlaws and often ruminate on it for hours on end. i can really fire myself up on occasion to the point of where it's all i'll talk about. quite frankly, i hate it, so i can just imagine what others are thinking when i start frothing at the mouth. i bore me, so if i'm boring me, i'm surely boring you. many apologies.
like i said, the same things get discussed and the same topic that we always dance around is how i should accept the inlaws for who they are and accept their behaviour. but to me acceptance goes hand in hand with tolerance, and quite frankly, i can not tolerate how they behave. i have figured in the 30-odd years i've been around the sun (heavy on the "odd"), that i do not want to align myself with people i can not respect. i would rather put more energy in to something or someone when i know i get that energy back. or even doing things freely of my own accord without a heavy dose of guilt thrown in. i hate how i'll just suddenly volunteer to do something for those twits like cook a turkey dinner, and then grouse about it for years on end because i was duped into thinking something that never was the case in the first place. james has taught me not to take bites on lines that are thrown my way, although i have to admit that it's a lesson that is taking me much longer to learn than i had hoped.
i struggle with the acceptance part. it's hard for me to say "oh that's just my mother in law...i dont like it, but it's who she is" and move on. i have a hell of a time doing that. i think it's because i know that i'm stuck with the damned selfish idiots for the rest of my marriage and there is no escape. it makes me feel like a cornered rat at times.
my natural response to anything stressful or irritating is to escape. i'm the kind of girl who relishes being alone and gets recharged from it. in concern to the inlaws, it's damned near impossible to get away from them. they're always butting in at the most inopportune moments, which drives me beyond crazy.
i think part of my goal for 2010 is to learn how to accept people for what they are but remain distant at the same time. if there is a fast track way of doing it (besides all-out avoidance), i'd be happy to hear about it. suggestions welcome!!
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