i've been texting josh back and forth. there was an off side text last thursday from him that made me scratch my head and get uncomfortable. i am hoping that he was just a bit drunk or high when he wrote it.
today we've been texting again, just chatting to say hi etc. he was asking me what i was up to today, but since i've made plans to go to YQL, i dont have have time to hang out. gotta run errands and shit before i leave the city. anyway, he was kinda asking if i'd be interested in helping him out with his rental properties...cleaning stuff up, light yard work, and that kind of stuff...
most days i dont do anything. i generally work tues/wed (if it's month end) but for the most part, things are quiet. i'm usually here doing nothing wondering what to do. he needs help and wondered if i'd like to help out for $15/hr. i think i might give it a go.
i'm a little leary...and here's where that fucking guilt kicks in...i'm worried what ch will say and wondering if he will start thinking there is something going on. it will mean working with josh for a couple days a week. side by side. of course I know where i stand, but i wonder if lines will get blurry or if ch will perceive lines getting blurred...i am relatively happy in my marriage. i know that josh is not happy, but i hope that he will understand that i am not the answer to his marital woes. i know that very strongly in my mind, so as long as i'm good with that, i suppose it's ok.
it's just the damned guilt i worry about.
yes, the extra cash will be nice. i imagine it will be under the table. i think. not entirely sure just yet and will have to ask him to see what he says. i will have to get the details next week. i told him that $15/hr was more than generous and he should see if i can really help him out before committing to paying that. i also need to know what i'm going to be getting into. a little hard work doesnt hurt anyone, but i need to know if i'm going to be expected to be remodeling homes, something i know little about, or whether he's going to have me doing cleaning and what nots, things i can handle.
i dont think this is a decision i have to run past ch. i dont think that it is his business what i do to fill in my days. i just worry that he will start thinking something's up...is that MY guilt talking? who knows.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
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i've been texting josh back and forth. there was an off side text last thursday from him that made me scratch my head and get uncomfortable. i am hoping that he was just a bit drunk or high when he wrote it.
today we've been texting again, just chatting to say hi etc. he was asking me what i was up to today, but since i've made plans to go to YQL, i dont have have time to hang out. gotta run errands and shit before i leave the city. anyway, he was kinda asking if i'd be interested in helping him out with his rental properties...cleaning stuff up, light yard work, and that kind of stuff...
most days i dont do anything. i generally work tues/wed (if it's month end) but for the most part, things are quiet. i'm usually here doing nothing wondering what to do. he needs help and wondered if i'd like to help out for $15/hr. i think i might give it a go.
i'm a little leary...and here's where that fucking guilt kicks in...i'm worried what ch will say and wondering if he will start thinking there is something going on. it will mean working with josh for a couple days a week. side by side. of course I know where i stand, but i wonder if lines will get blurry or if ch will perceive lines getting blurred...i am relatively happy in my marriage. i know that josh is not happy, but i hope that he will understand that i am not the answer to his marital woes. i know that very strongly in my mind, so as long as i'm good with that, i suppose it's ok.
it's just the damned guilt i worry about.
yes, the extra cash will be nice. i imagine it will be under the table. i think. not entirely sure just yet and will have to ask him to see what he says. i will have to get the details next week. i told him that $15/hr was more than generous and he should see if i can really help him out before committing to paying that. i also need to know what i'm going to be getting into. a little hard work doesnt hurt anyone, but i need to know if i'm going to be expected to be remodeling homes, something i know little about, or whether he's going to have me doing cleaning and what nots, things i can handle.
i dont think this is a decision i have to run past ch. i dont think that it is his business what i do to fill in my days. i just worry that he will start thinking something's up...is that MY guilt talking? who knows.
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