oh yes, back to that card

i was talking about the card i bought ch before i got on a big tangent.

in it i wrote that i couldnt believe that five years had gone quickly.

we've always joked that we're in this for fifty years and so on anniversaries we joke that we only have 49, 48, 47 years left.

i am astonished that time has gone this quickly.  five years have blown by.  i still find it difficult to believe that the wedding was that long ago when it feels as if i was laying in bed at this time in 2005 talking to my sister in the wee hours.  it's the little things like that which make me smile.  it was like it was the last innocent thing i did before marriage.  oh i know, we lived together prior and i'm hardly wearing a habit here when i discuss it, but staying up with my sister whispering into the night was one of the best times we've shared.  we've had many since, and i'm sure many more to come, but it's one memory of that day i will always look back on and smile.  there arent many more, to be honest.

the day was spent in a haze of champagne, stress, and ativan.  oh the blessed little tongue melting pills!  i inhaled quite a few to keep me calm and the mascara from running.  i was upset hours before the wedding when my fil came over to drop off my wedding dress and then tell sally that she was exceptionally rude and he was tired of her.  after she shut the door, she told me and i burst into tears.  i had refused to come to the door when he rang the bell and he was demanding to see me for god only knows what reason.  i could hear him from upstairs and actually saw him pull up out front and told the girls "please, dont let him see me...i dont want to deal with him" and he was actually belligerent and wanting to talk to me and they held him off...but not before he dealt his "you're rude" card to sally and skulked off.  what a fucking asshole.

all the hells made it about them.  clay and heather whined that clay wasnt in the wedding, despite he and ch not being friends at all, sil made it all about her during her stint as the emcee and refused to acknowledge liking me or my family, the fil was rude to my friends the night before and day of the wedding, and the mil was a stuck up bitch all day long and then later held shit over my head all because she was angry i wouldnt solicit her help in planning the wedding.  hey, if i wanted a wedding from the 70's with no taste, i would have called her...but i was happy to do it my way.  was it perfect?  likely far from it, but it was MY wedding.  she had her chance YEARS ago to fuck up her own day. 

the best parts of the day were drinking the champagne with the girls who participated at the salon.  it wasnt fun having the  sil there sulking and acting cunty, nor was it fun dealing with my mom who was wishy washy about her mother being there, but for those who did participate, it was fun.  and then it was more fun having drinks prior to the wedding with sally and jan as we got ready and tried to relax.  and then as i held ch's hand once i made it down the aisle and realised that he was shaking as much as i was.  of course he argues that it was all me doing the shaking but i beg to differ!  so comforting to finally be up there holding his hand, honestly.

and the best parts of the day were our first dance.  the dance with my dad to a james taylor song which still makes me cry today.  the night we got back to the hotel and it was just ch and i and we toasted ourselves and said that we couldnt believe we actually did it.  the next day hanging out and being a couple...it really was one of the best parts of april 30, 2005.

but anyway, i wrote in his card that the five years have past quickly and i want the next 45 to go slow...please.