enough about you, what about meeeeeee?

my friend sandra can be an ok person.  other times she is clingy and codependant and annoying and manipulative.  i have had lots of fun with her in terms of fitness and she can be quite humorous and engaging, but when she is in one of her moods, look out.  the mood being whiny, "oh woe is me", and boo hoo hoo.  i cant stand those moods.

on friday we went for a nice walk and then ended up talking at the end of it as we were getting into our vehicles.  she started going on and on asking me whether i thought it was odd that she was done dating.  in a way, i couldnt care less.  her personal life is just that: hers.  it doesnt affect me in the least.  what i DO get tired of is her moaning and groaning over guys who are not remotely interested in her, who belittle her, and worse yet, that she takes it and goes back for more.  yeah, i really dont get the beaten woman syndrome and i know that i sound like a complete jackhole, but i think you are a complete moron to return to someone who continually slaps you around.  as such, i have zero tolerance to hear about it and even less patience in terms of hearing "oh woe is me, why did i sleep with him again"?

she has now decided that after 4yrs of being slapped around, she's done with her ex.  i dont think they've slept together in a year or so, which is good.  she is finally (or so she says) ignoring his emails.  who knows if that is true or not.  i think she isnt because of the mood swing she was in and the funk going on friday night.

she started asking my opinion of her stance on being single for the rest of her life.  i told her that it's her business but it's a ridiculous waste to stop dating because of one person.  then i told her about a single guy but she was in one of her moods and started grilling me about what he wore etc.  well, i really do not bother with superficial shit.  to me it's about who the person is and how kind they are, not whether they wear runners with jeans.  i made that slight error (of telling her that) and then it was all she would talk about, how she refuses to look past aesthetics. 

i cant stand that shit.  there is more to someone than looks.  judging by her last few bf's she has definitely chosen poorly.  choosing looks over personality has cost her self esteem and happiness.  in focussing on one trait, she has wrongfully overlooked the red flags that the rest of us likely would have seen from miles away.  she's always going on about how good looking her ex was.  well, i saw a picture and he did NOTHING for me.  she kept telling me how i'd be soooo charmed by him if i ever met him.  sorry, honey, not interested.  fuck.  just because you think he's the cat's ass, doesnt mean i do.  our tastes dont have to align just because we're friends.

i sat there and listened to her whine for about an hour.  she definitely was in a mood and i couldnt wait to get away from her.  when i left, i felt SO drained i wanted nothing to do with her all weekend.

she recently got a blackberry so she has been bb messaging me non stop.  it's so annoying.  i dont mind the occasional message, but i do not need daily bullshit messages and her manipulation either.  she's always angling to get me to go walking with her, which i dont mind occasionally, or travelling.  i made the damned mistake of saying "hey we should go away somewhere in the fall" and since then, she's been relentless with wanting to book a trip to hawaii.  i had written her an email moments after texting her that and basically broke it down to say that where travelling would be fun, it would be MORE fun if i had my mc paid off and that wont be right away.  i am planning on paying it off pronto and i want to enjoy a few months of a ZERO balance, rather than putting $1500 on it the moment it says zero again.  i've struggled with it for so long that i want to savour it being manageable.  i dont need to go away to hawaii...i was just there, for fuckssake.

so since that moment i've received so many texts and emails saying she wants to go away, that she's looked at prices and how cheap it is blahblahblah, and how she's just gonna book that trip.  she's a person who ass talks but never does it and then will blame me for it, despite me saying immediately after that i'm not going to be booking shit.

really i dont think she would be that bad to travel with, but i'd want my own room.  read: SPACE.  i'd need time from the blabbering and blubbering and constant yammering about her being single perpetually and other things she seems to obsess over.  she claims to have zero time for jealousy and envy but it is the cornerstone of who she is, i think.  she's always comparing herself to everyone and trying to outdo people. 

i do like her.  i do.  i just hate her funks.  i dont think she lives in any reality tho.  she has been married and divorced over 20yrs ago, and i figured that it was infidelity on her part that dissolved the marriage.  it's just what i've gathered from conversations.  she has never said it outright, but it's what i'm picking up on...what isnt said.  she is 47 and constantly complaining about how old she is.  well, you may be able to tell she is older, but you'd have to get past how pretty and attractive she is.  she is quite stunning to look at, but she goes on about being an old lady.  her record is stuck on repeat on that one and it's grating.  i sense there is a bundle of envy over youth and younger people, which just annoys me. 

then there's her alternate reality of being an adult but not really being one simultaneously.  she has a dog who spends more time at her parents' place than at hers.  she just ships the dog off there when she figures she needs a break and the dog ends up living there the majority of the year.  she goes on about missing the dog, yet keeps it at her parents' place in yql.  in addition to this alternate reality, she has never owned a car.  she just gets her parents' hand me downs, often nice well-kept hondas.  and then there is always talk of her dad paying off her mortgage.  yes, she is 47.  i'm repeating that because i wonder when it is we cut the apron strings.  i guess i'm just saying that she doesnt occupy the same head space as i do in terms of money, responsibilities and duties.  everything is just basically shrugged off.  she claims to worry about money, yet spends as if there are millions and has alluded to having plenty stashed away, as well as her inheritance.

i can see how some of those neglected responsibilities cloud one's thinking.  i know she has expressed jealousy over me being married and the time i spend with ch, and whether i'm still attracted to him or not.  it's a moot point and my business.  i refuse to feel any remorse or guilt for wanting to spend time with my husband or wanting to see the world with him first.  i will not be put through the paces of guilt because SHE has issues. 

i think i'm going to have to start saying that out loud.  calling her out on her passive aggressive comments when she is yammering away and poor me-ing.  oh yeah.  it's coming.  it's a necessity if this friendship is going to survive.