i had a great time reconnecting with my friend and her family. it was like time stood still, just as i predicted. of course jen and brent are still way in love and are happy. i always kind of termed her as oblivious...she just seems to be either oblivious or impervious to things going on around her and her inner world is always so perfect and awesome that you wonder if you are the moron here or if she really is that clueless. how can someone be so positively happy with a man that they are almost oblivious to reality? not saying anything bad about brent because he is a really great guy, but i wonder if they have their fights and problems and issues, or if it's just me who is always looking for that shit?
of course they are very happy and in love. they've been married nearly 16 years and i have to say that it is a good match. they work well together and are happy. jen, in general, is a very happy person. she's always laughing or telling stories, and it's entertaining. we had a few great laughs recalling stories of our other friends and reminiscing.
and her kids are adorable...very cute and outgoing and polite and hilarious. i spent a lot of time laughing with/at them. their antics and smiles and attitudes were too cute.
in a way, i felt a little sad after the weekend was done, wondering about the path i chose and whether it was the right one. there was a moment where i started wondering if i made the right choice not to procreate and where my life would be if i had done things differently. i was thinking about how much fun it would be to have that group of parents who travelled together for their kids' tournaments and spent time doing fun things like taking them swimming and encouraging them in sports and external interests. (of course as i type that, i realise that i do have a group of adults who travel together who are DINKS and how enjoyable that all is, too.) of course i understand that one weekend of a few hours visiting does not illustrate the time spent dealing with discipline and putting up with whining, fighting, and heartbreaks. any parenting could look easy when it's done in a 2-3 hr stretch, right?
it made me think back to my first bf and how i'm sure that if i had stayed with him, i'd be a mom with a bunch of kids living on his parents' farm in nobleford. even when i type that, my stomach turns. maybe i already know my answer...? i know that i'd have been closer to my mother (physically, not emotionally), which would mean smothering and her little "just a thoughts" all up in my face all the time because the farm is only 20 minutes or less from lethbridge. christ. i'm sure, like my marriage, the sex would have been great up to a point...you know, the point where they stop caring and hold out on you? yeah...so it would have been exciting for the first few years and then disappointing. fuck.
i seem to be going in circles about this. there is a reluctant part of me that will always wonder what it would have been like if i had become a parent and done the "right" thing all the way through my adult life. i cant deny it, however that's not to say that i am not enjoying my life the way it is.
it is, as my mother would say, "just a thought".
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
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i had a great time reconnecting with my friend and her family. it was like time stood still, just as i predicted. of course jen and brent are still way in love and are happy. i always kind of termed her as oblivious...she just seems to be either oblivious or impervious to things going on around her and her inner world is always so perfect and awesome that you wonder if you are the moron here or if she really is that clueless. how can someone be so positively happy with a man that they are almost oblivious to reality? not saying anything bad about brent because he is a really great guy, but i wonder if they have their fights and problems and issues, or if it's just me who is always looking for that shit?
of course they are very happy and in love. they've been married nearly 16 years and i have to say that it is a good match. they work well together and are happy. jen, in general, is a very happy person. she's always laughing or telling stories, and it's entertaining. we had a few great laughs recalling stories of our other friends and reminiscing.
and her kids are adorable...very cute and outgoing and polite and hilarious. i spent a lot of time laughing with/at them. their antics and smiles and attitudes were too cute.
in a way, i felt a little sad after the weekend was done, wondering about the path i chose and whether it was the right one. there was a moment where i started wondering if i made the right choice not to procreate and where my life would be if i had done things differently. i was thinking about how much fun it would be to have that group of parents who travelled together for their kids' tournaments and spent time doing fun things like taking them swimming and encouraging them in sports and external interests. (of course as i type that, i realise that i do have a group of adults who travel together who are DINKS and how enjoyable that all is, too.) of course i understand that one weekend of a few hours visiting does not illustrate the time spent dealing with discipline and putting up with whining, fighting, and heartbreaks. any parenting could look easy when it's done in a 2-3 hr stretch, right?
it made me think back to my first bf and how i'm sure that if i had stayed with him, i'd be a mom with a bunch of kids living on his parents' farm in nobleford. even when i type that, my stomach turns. maybe i already know my answer...? i know that i'd have been closer to my mother (physically, not emotionally), which would mean smothering and her little "just a thoughts" all up in my face all the time because the farm is only 20 minutes or less from lethbridge. christ. i'm sure, like my marriage, the sex would have been great up to a point...you know, the point where they stop caring and hold out on you? yeah...so it would have been exciting for the first few years and then disappointing. fuck.
i seem to be going in circles about this. there is a reluctant part of me that will always wonder what it would have been like if i had become a parent and done the "right" thing all the way through my adult life. i cant deny it, however that's not to say that i am not enjoying my life the way it is.
it is, as my mother would say, "just a thought".
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