i've been dreaming about my first boyfriend a lot lately. last night i had a dream where we were getting back together and were doing it on the sly because he didnt want to upset his mother. it was so fucking real that i woke up satisfied and haunted all day long.
we havent seen one another for probably 17 yrs, a freaking lifetime ago. we broke up when i was 18 and i used to see him out and about at the bars in yxh. we'd never talk because he was still angry with me for dumping him. the last time i saw him, i was 20 and we were at essie's and both drunk, and i asked him to dance. remarkably he did, but then his friends wanted to leave the bar, so he left 1/2 way through the song without saying goodbye. i'm sure that his friends wanted him to get away from me. i know that i was hoping he and i could chat and maybe re-kindle what we had.
it wasnt to be.
i've thought about him on and off since then. in the meantime we both led our lives. he got married and from what i deduced (through a bit of on line research) that he has a kid. i know that his wife is a twin because her sister married one of steve's friends because she got knocked up. i'm not sure what the case was with steve and the other sister, but i like to imagine it was an "oh shit" moment too, even tho it likely wasnt.
i dumped steve for a real douchebag i met in my first year of university. he was 6 yrs older than me and asian. i wasnt really that attracted to him, but he kept running into me and talking to me in between classes. i thought he was kind of cool in the frat boy moron kind of way, but never was i really that attracted physically to him. i liked that he could have fun and be funny at the same time. damn me and my attraction to funny people, i guess. i'd end up running into him more and more between classes and then he told me he was going to yvr to visit friends. when he got back, he ran into me again and brought me a watch he purchased for me. i thought it was odd, but for some dumb reason i never said anything. i know i was from the sticks and naive as shit and liked attention, so i said nothing. casual run ins turned into coffees which turned into him taking me out for valentine's day 1991. i was still seeing steve at the time and never really thought twice that this jackass had taken me out for drinks on a day reserved for couples. in the meantime, steve was in grade 12 and vday was on a week night. if it was on a weekend, i think we might have had a chance, but it was not to be.
i broke up with steve a few weeks later after feeling really guilty about the whole mess. i was also getting immense pressure from this new jackass to do end the relationship, especially after hearing lecture after lecture how strange it was that steve and i didnt talk about "real" subjects. whatever. we were both shy, so what was the big deal? regardless, i was persuaded to dump this guy. robin strongly suggested i move on and date more sophisticated men. i should have known better than to listen to her.
i wrote him a letter and dumped him. robin told me it was for the best and mailed it for me because i couldnt. steve wrote me back and said he knew it was coming and some other blabbetty blah about basketball where he was focussed so much on playing and the team that it was his priority (and perhaps his rationale for why he wasnt around as much as he should have been...even tho it really wasnt that much of an issue i suppose...at least i dont remember it being one anyway). so it ended and that was it.
but really, it wasnt. i did still love him and i didnt want to break up with him. i still thought about him a lot and used to get melancholy on our anniversary (may 30th) and would reminisce about our first date (may 25th) and the stuff we used to do together.
we never had sex, one of the regrets i have. i gave up my virginity to the loser jackass i left steve for. i think that steve and i had a very innocent yet passionate relationship. we used to make out for hours. i think we each drove one another mad with passion and i'm certain that if we had gone all the way, we'd have fucked like rabbits constantly. when i think of him, i seriously tingle sometimes, even to this day.
i think it's the what ifs that really kill me. i'm still saddling tonnes of guilt over how i treated him. i'd say that how i treated him at the end is biggest regrets in life, the one person that i'm always going to want to make it up to, even if we have gone in our own separate directions. and i hold out the hope that one day we will be reunited. i know it sounds crazier than hell and my sister has said as much to me, but i've always hoped that someday when both of our spouses have passed on that we will reconnect and marry. I KNOW, just say it: i'm fucking nuts. i think i am too for saying it or typing it out loud.
i've been having these damned dreams about him tho. we will end up kissing and hugging and fucking and it's all so great that i will fucking orgasm in my sleep and wake up happy but hoping ch wont see me or find out wtf was going on. it's insane. and then i spend the entire day thinking about it and wondering if i'm off my fucking rocker.
according to dream dictionaries :
To see an old ex-boyfriend from childhood in your dream, refers to a freer, less encumbered relationship. The dream servers to bring you back to a time where the responsibilities of adulthood (or marriage) didn't interfere with the spontaneity of romance. You need to recapture the excitement, freedom, and vitality of youth that is lacking in your present relationship.
To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or ex-husband/wife or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person.
To have a romantic dream about an ex-boyfriend portends sexual dissatisfaction.
i've been dreaming about my first boyfriend a lot lately. last night i had a dream where we were getting back together and were doing it on the sly because he didnt want to upset his mother. it was so fucking real that i woke up satisfied and haunted all day long.
we havent seen one another for probably 17 yrs, a freaking lifetime ago. we broke up when i was 18 and i used to see him out and about at the bars in yxh. we'd never talk because he was still angry with me for dumping him. the last time i saw him, i was 20 and we were at essie's and both drunk, and i asked him to dance. remarkably he did, but then his friends wanted to leave the bar, so he left 1/2 way through the song without saying goodbye. i'm sure that his friends wanted him to get away from me. i know that i was hoping he and i could chat and maybe re-kindle what we had.
it wasnt to be.
i've thought about him on and off since then. in the meantime we both led our lives. he got married and from what i deduced (through a bit of on line research) that he has a kid. i know that his wife is a twin because her sister married one of steve's friends because she got knocked up. i'm not sure what the case was with steve and the other sister, but i like to imagine it was an "oh shit" moment too, even tho it likely wasnt.
i dumped steve for a real douchebag i met in my first year of university. he was 6 yrs older than me and asian. i wasnt really that attracted to him, but he kept running into me and talking to me in between classes. i thought he was kind of cool in the frat boy moron kind of way, but never was i really that attracted physically to him. i liked that he could have fun and be funny at the same time. damn me and my attraction to funny people, i guess. i'd end up running into him more and more between classes and then he told me he was going to yvr to visit friends. when he got back, he ran into me again and brought me a watch he purchased for me. i thought it was odd, but for some dumb reason i never said anything. i know i was from the sticks and naive as shit and liked attention, so i said nothing. casual run ins turned into coffees which turned into him taking me out for valentine's day 1991. i was still seeing steve at the time and never really thought twice that this jackass had taken me out for drinks on a day reserved for couples. in the meantime, steve was in grade 12 and vday was on a week night. if it was on a weekend, i think we might have had a chance, but it was not to be.
i broke up with steve a few weeks later after feeling really guilty about the whole mess. i was also getting immense pressure from this new jackass to do end the relationship, especially after hearing lecture after lecture how strange it was that steve and i didnt talk about "real" subjects. whatever. we were both shy, so what was the big deal? regardless, i was persuaded to dump this guy. robin strongly suggested i move on and date more sophisticated men. i should have known better than to listen to her.
i wrote him a letter and dumped him. robin told me it was for the best and mailed it for me because i couldnt. steve wrote me back and said he knew it was coming and some other blabbetty blah about basketball where he was focussed so much on playing and the team that it was his priority (and perhaps his rationale for why he wasnt around as much as he should have been...even tho it really wasnt that much of an issue i suppose...at least i dont remember it being one anyway). so it ended and that was it.
but really, it wasnt. i did still love him and i didnt want to break up with him. i still thought about him a lot and used to get melancholy on our anniversary (may 30th) and would reminisce about our first date (may 25th) and the stuff we used to do together.
we never had sex, one of the regrets i have. i gave up my virginity to the loser jackass i left steve for. i think that steve and i had a very innocent yet passionate relationship. we used to make out for hours. i think we each drove one another mad with passion and i'm certain that if we had gone all the way, we'd have fucked like rabbits constantly. when i think of him, i seriously tingle sometimes, even to this day.
i think it's the what ifs that really kill me. i'm still saddling tonnes of guilt over how i treated him. i'd say that how i treated him at the end is biggest regrets in life, the one person that i'm always going to want to make it up to, even if we have gone in our own separate directions. and i hold out the hope that one day we will be reunited. i know it sounds crazier than hell and my sister has said as much to me, but i've always hoped that someday when both of our spouses have passed on that we will reconnect and marry. I KNOW, just say it: i'm fucking nuts. i think i am too for saying it or typing it out loud.
i've been having these damned dreams about him tho. we will end up kissing and hugging and fucking and it's all so great that i will fucking orgasm in my sleep and wake up happy but hoping ch wont see me or find out wtf was going on. it's insane. and then i spend the entire day thinking about it and wondering if i'm off my fucking rocker.
according to dream dictionaries :
To see an old ex-boyfriend from childhood in your dream, refers to a freer, less encumbered relationship. The dream servers to bring you back to a time where the responsibilities of adulthood (or marriage) didn't interfere with the spontaneity of romance. You need to recapture the excitement, freedom, and vitality of youth that is lacking in your present relationship.
To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or ex-husband/wife or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person.
To have a romantic dream about an ex-boyfriend portends sexual dissatisfaction.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment