friday night after we went out for sushi and drinks with friends, we had a big discussion about our friends.
it all started because i was looking after michelle's dog. ch was very angry about it and said that he was annoyed that she asked and that i'm always doing for them, but they're never doing for me. and by "them" i'm meaning kim and michelle. he started in at me and wanted to know why i never reciprocated and got them to look after our dogs and take their turn.
i dont know why i never ask. maybe it's because i have two dogs, maybe it's because i hate asking for help. i really dont know. there are times where i'd prefer to just do things on my own and worry about it and know it will be done right. afterall, they did look after my dogs once and i came home to a huge mess. i never told them about it because i think there'd have been upset, but believe me, i was very angry and havent forgotten. it wasnt their fault because it went on AFTER they'd left, but i was upset enough to say that i'd rather pay the $30 and drive the hour out to drop them off, rather than deal with a mess like that again or the anxiety or worry about the mess left behind. yeah, i'm telling you that the money is not nearly as annoying as the worry and anxiety over what the dogs might have done while i was gone and they were in the care of my friends.
so ch got on the topic of michelle and told me all about how he doesnt like her. hates her more than ever now because he thinks it's all about her with nothing in return. maybe he's right, i dont know. our conversation definitely did give me things to think about.
he is really angry with her for the xmas sweater incident where ch and i dressed up in ugly sweaters and nobody else did. ch is convinced that they all did that on purpose and was even more angry to know that it's still a source of amusement. apparently he was angry with michelle the whole night because she kept looking at us and laughing. why he waited for 5 months to tell me is beyond me. and then he was mad for her asking me what i was wearing and then turning around and dressing up, throwing me under the bus. i brushed it all off and thought nothing of those incidents until he brought them to light and said "see, she is throwing you under the bus".
so then i get thinking about shit and yeah, i do get mad for being known as the dog sitter. and now that i've looked after kona once, i guarantee i'll be on rotation. what killed me was that she said that she had asked kim but kim wouldnt do it unless i wouldnt. so basically their conversation probably went like this:
m: can you watch kona?
k: well, i really dont want to have to.
m: well, i can always ask tracy, kim, it's ok
k: yeah, ask her first. i'll do it if she cant
[and of course i'm reading into it, but i'm sure there was giggling and a comment or two thrown in there about it]
ch sees that it probably went that way. then he started beaking off that he's tired of me being expected to look after beau and take care of him and they never look after czar and hudson. so then we get into a big discussion slash fight about how i dont ask my friends for things and dont ask anyone. i tell him that i'd rather do things my way and be satisfied, than worry endlessly that someone will throw soiled comforters in garbage bags and leave them for me. then i start wondering if all this bullshit is because he had to ask his sister to look after our dogs once and how he probably figured that i should have asked my friends. and even as i think of that now i wonder if all this anger and ire is coming from him having to ask someone when he believes it's my job to ask people. who freaking knows.
regardless, he went on that he doesnt think that michelle is really my friend and he is really tired of her laughing at my expense over things. maybe he's right. i do know that i felt way more insecure in bollywood the other night when michelle was there. i figure that my efforts or lack thereof will become conversation topics in the future. and on some level, i know that ch is right when he talks about the laughing and tittering at someone's expense because i am aware that michelle does that a lot.
i think that drives him batty and he is sick of it. he then started going on about her breast job and how she is clearly a very insecure person (hence the laughing AT, not with, others) and how annoying it all was. i tell him that she said she was tired of having to mend clothes to fit and he said "OH BULLSHIT! it's vanity and insecurity, plain and simple". who knows. maybe guys do see things more clearly or i'm this stupid naive little elevator girl who has never grown up.
that's what kills me though: all of this bullshit and people telling me who my friends arent. it reminds me of growing up where my mom was always quick to tell me who wasnt my friend and how bad they all were. i secretly think she wanted me to be a loner and a loser with no friends who would need her more than ever. i dont think that's ch's motive, but i dont know what it is. i'd like to think it's protecting me and i want to believe it, but i will never know. all i know is that these conversations make me question everything and everyone and fucking make me more angrier and cynical about everything. two feelings i've been very tired of experiencing and i'm so SICK OF IT.
friday night after we went out for sushi and drinks with friends, we had a big discussion about our friends.
it all started because i was looking after michelle's dog. ch was very angry about it and said that he was annoyed that she asked and that i'm always doing for them, but they're never doing for me. and by "them" i'm meaning kim and michelle. he started in at me and wanted to know why i never reciprocated and got them to look after our dogs and take their turn.
i dont know why i never ask. maybe it's because i have two dogs, maybe it's because i hate asking for help. i really dont know. there are times where i'd prefer to just do things on my own and worry about it and know it will be done right. afterall, they did look after my dogs once and i came home to a huge mess. i never told them about it because i think there'd have been upset, but believe me, i was very angry and havent forgotten. it wasnt their fault because it went on AFTER they'd left, but i was upset enough to say that i'd rather pay the $30 and drive the hour out to drop them off, rather than deal with a mess like that again or the anxiety or worry about the mess left behind. yeah, i'm telling you that the money is not nearly as annoying as the worry and anxiety over what the dogs might have done while i was gone and they were in the care of my friends.
so ch got on the topic of michelle and told me all about how he doesnt like her. hates her more than ever now because he thinks it's all about her with nothing in return. maybe he's right, i dont know. our conversation definitely did give me things to think about.
he is really angry with her for the xmas sweater incident where ch and i dressed up in ugly sweaters and nobody else did. ch is convinced that they all did that on purpose and was even more angry to know that it's still a source of amusement. apparently he was angry with michelle the whole night because she kept looking at us and laughing. why he waited for 5 months to tell me is beyond me. and then he was mad for her asking me what i was wearing and then turning around and dressing up, throwing me under the bus. i brushed it all off and thought nothing of those incidents until he brought them to light and said "see, she is throwing you under the bus".
so then i get thinking about shit and yeah, i do get mad for being known as the dog sitter. and now that i've looked after kona once, i guarantee i'll be on rotation. what killed me was that she said that she had asked kim but kim wouldnt do it unless i wouldnt. so basically their conversation probably went like this:
m: can you watch kona?
k: well, i really dont want to have to.
m: well, i can always ask tracy, kim, it's ok
k: yeah, ask her first. i'll do it if she cant
[and of course i'm reading into it, but i'm sure there was giggling and a comment or two thrown in there about it]
ch sees that it probably went that way. then he started beaking off that he's tired of me being expected to look after beau and take care of him and they never look after czar and hudson. so then we get into a big discussion slash fight about how i dont ask my friends for things and dont ask anyone. i tell him that i'd rather do things my way and be satisfied, than worry endlessly that someone will throw soiled comforters in garbage bags and leave them for me. then i start wondering if all this bullshit is because he had to ask his sister to look after our dogs once and how he probably figured that i should have asked my friends. and even as i think of that now i wonder if all this anger and ire is coming from him having to ask someone when he believes it's my job to ask people. who freaking knows.
regardless, he went on that he doesnt think that michelle is really my friend and he is really tired of her laughing at my expense over things. maybe he's right. i do know that i felt way more insecure in bollywood the other night when michelle was there. i figure that my efforts or lack thereof will become conversation topics in the future. and on some level, i know that ch is right when he talks about the laughing and tittering at someone's expense because i am aware that michelle does that a lot.
i think that drives him batty and he is sick of it. he then started going on about her breast job and how she is clearly a very insecure person (hence the laughing AT, not with, others) and how annoying it all was. i tell him that she said she was tired of having to mend clothes to fit and he said "OH BULLSHIT! it's vanity and insecurity, plain and simple". who knows. maybe guys do see things more clearly or i'm this stupid naive little elevator girl who has never grown up.
that's what kills me though: all of this bullshit and people telling me who my friends arent. it reminds me of growing up where my mom was always quick to tell me who wasnt my friend and how bad they all were. i secretly think she wanted me to be a loner and a loser with no friends who would need her more than ever. i dont think that's ch's motive, but i dont know what it is. i'd like to think it's protecting me and i want to believe it, but i will never know. all i know is that these conversations make me question everything and everyone and fucking make me more angrier and cynical about everything. two feelings i've been very tired of experiencing and i'm so SICK OF IT.
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