so josh texted me again and we ended up meeting for some drinks.
i really like josh --dont get me wrong-- but i am starting to feel uncomfortable about having a male friend. yes, i know MY limits, as josh knows his, but i worry on the periphery if ch is somewhat upset by it. i have nothing to hide and we arent doing anything wrong other than talking alone together.
we met @ the mainliner pub and had some drinks together. this afternoon 2 caesars didnt seem like enough, but i let it pass and was good. water, water, water, coffee, water, water and all was good.
the same conversations were had: he's dreadfully unhappy. this week i told him to start worrying about himself and BEING himself. no pussy footing around this time. divorce was mentioned liberally. i think he should leave and start being josh again. you can see it in his face and how sad he seems. at this point he's not sure there are any pros to staying. that is scary.
so we sat at the pub for a while and then went to his garage to see his caddy. i never told ch that part. i think it reeks of guilt and questions. ch is quietly jealous. i can see him brewing over this, seeing as i just announced via text that going out with josh was my intention. i hadnt planned it; it was a spontaneous thing this afternoon.
the real question is why am i feeling so much guilt over this? i did nothing wrong. said nothing wrong. didnt really discuss ch...maybe a sentence or 2, but it was mostly about josh's problems. thankfully. [sometimes it's good to have a diversion from your own problems in life.] what i want to know is why i feel so guilty over being out all afternoon today. ch had a meeting and came home late last night, very drunk and passed out. he likely slept till 1 or later and pissed the afternoon away. most definitely he wouldnt have done anything with me...so why do i feel as if i'm in the wrong for going out with a friend and talking? would i feel more guilty if that friend was female? i dont think so...
it doesnt help that ch doesnt like my friends. he doesnt seem to like any of them whom i've made outside of his world. the ones i've made as a result of HIS friendships, he adores. the ones i make on my own? hates 'em. the night we were discussing michelle, ch made a point of saying to me that he really didnt think he liked josh all that much and definitely couldnt see himself hanging with him. hey, that's fine. josh is more of a friend to the ladies and i'm ok with that. i do not expect ch to like all my friends, altho that would be convenient.
i just dont get the guilt...what a useless ridiculous emotion.
so josh texted me again and we ended up meeting for some drinks.
i really like josh --dont get me wrong-- but i am starting to feel uncomfortable about having a male friend. yes, i know MY limits, as josh knows his, but i worry on the periphery if ch is somewhat upset by it. i have nothing to hide and we arent doing anything wrong other than talking alone together.
we met @ the mainliner pub and had some drinks together. this afternoon 2 caesars didnt seem like enough, but i let it pass and was good. water, water, water, coffee, water, water and all was good.
the same conversations were had: he's dreadfully unhappy. this week i told him to start worrying about himself and BEING himself. no pussy footing around this time. divorce was mentioned liberally. i think he should leave and start being josh again. you can see it in his face and how sad he seems. at this point he's not sure there are any pros to staying. that is scary.
so we sat at the pub for a while and then went to his garage to see his caddy. i never told ch that part. i think it reeks of guilt and questions. ch is quietly jealous. i can see him brewing over this, seeing as i just announced via text that going out with josh was my intention. i hadnt planned it; it was a spontaneous thing this afternoon.
the real question is why am i feeling so much guilt over this? i did nothing wrong. said nothing wrong. didnt really discuss ch...maybe a sentence or 2, but it was mostly about josh's problems. thankfully. [sometimes it's good to have a diversion from your own problems in life.] what i want to know is why i feel so guilty over being out all afternoon today. ch had a meeting and came home late last night, very drunk and passed out. he likely slept till 1 or later and pissed the afternoon away. most definitely he wouldnt have done anything with me...so why do i feel as if i'm in the wrong for going out with a friend and talking? would i feel more guilty if that friend was female? i dont think so...
it doesnt help that ch doesnt like my friends. he doesnt seem to like any of them whom i've made outside of his world. the ones i've made as a result of HIS friendships, he adores. the ones i make on my own? hates 'em. the night we were discussing michelle, ch made a point of saying to me that he really didnt think he liked josh all that much and definitely couldnt see himself hanging with him. hey, that's fine. josh is more of a friend to the ladies and i'm ok with that. i do not expect ch to like all my friends, altho that would be convenient.
i just dont get the guilt...what a useless ridiculous emotion.
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