my decisions

i quit bollywood dancing.

i know, just say it: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

i feel like i disappointed myself.  i havent told michelle yet either.  i will, just not right now.

at the same time tho, there was ZERO guilt in doing it.  instead, i went to a drop in yoga class and totally enjoyed it.  i was glad i went there.  i cant say that the feelings would have been the same had i gone to the dance class.

i discussed it all with james and told him my concerns and he said that i really did join with the wrong intentions.  i had joined hoping to spend more time with michelle hanging out, despite really not being too excited to dance with my 2 left feet.  i didnt appreciate being singled out last week, nor was i looking forward to the prospect of being further singled out tonight.  and we are supposed to be practicing at home...well, if i so much as thought of practicing, i just felt queasy.  so long story short, i had made up my mind long before i really did make up my mind.

so i went to hot yoga and it wasnt very busy, which was nice.  no annoying twats trying to cry on my shoulder about their latest fucks or how they're getting worse at yoga.  i dont know what all that is about except jealousy or envy.  i overheard sandra talking on wed night and she was saying that she is going to start running...miss "oh my kneeee is soooo bad and i cant run" is now going to run.  i know i sound like the most conceited person in the universe (just say it), but i see that as being competitive.  mind you, i've heard that all before and she ends up never running because she will never do it alone.  she's saying it in hopes of dragging me out there with her and then guess what?!?  i'll get the guilt trips when i'm not running with her or want to run at a pace i'm comfortable with.  she is constantly walking and having to stop...well, what fun is that?  i'm not being an asshole here, but i think that if you want to run with me, you should at least be at the same level in order to make it enjoyable for BOTH OF US.  i'm not talking about all me and what i want here, people.  i think both parties should be relatively on the same level.  conversely, i can tell you that i DO NOT find it at all enjoyable to run with someone who insists on sprinting so that you cant keep up to them  (coughyoucuntmeganbohonoscough).  how fun is that?  not at all.

anyway, i'm sure that she is trying to run now because i've said i run 2 x a week.  and i'm a fair weather runner, folks.  none of this snow/rain bullshit running for me.  hell, if there is a serious wind, i'm not doing it either.  i made that mistake a couple of fridays ago and i sure as all hell wont do that again.

all i'm saying is that there is zero guilt about quitting bollywood...at least on my end.  i'm sure i'll get the riot act read by michelle, but i can deal with that later.  i'd rather have her pissed than have me be a constant source of amusement and entertainment for months on end, thanks.

i have to do what i have to do and screw everyone else.  i think that's where half of my frustration comes from...i'm just sick and tired of being on demand for everyone else.  it's time i did my thing...