just F*ck off, already

i always get fishing bb messages from sandra.  it's never really about anything other than trying to get something across to me.  oh sure, she asks how i'm doing but there is always an ulterior motive behind it.

she's either angling for a walking partner or therapy session.  today's was a therapy session.

i admit, i have been an ultimate bitch lately.  i'm not sure if it's weather related or what but i have felt really anxious and on edge and have been losing patience.  this weekend i had a big discussion with ch and told him that i'm tired of being angry all the freaking time and recognized that maybe it's some of the friends in my life that i'm doing things for who dont reciprocate.  more on that later.

we got talking about sandra and ch is convinced she wants to be me, that she is jealous and envious.  that could be, altho i have no idea why.  i do know that she always wants to compete and in yoga (for instance) she has to hold her poses longer than me or take it deeper and if she cant, then she spends the rest of the time complaining how she hates the new sequence and cant do it.  of course we all love doing what we can do, but i dont think there is necessarily a need to compete with someone 10yrs younger.  i dont try to compete with the young girls, nor do i expect myself to be as flexible.  it is what it is.  nothing more, nothing less.

i had texted her friday to say hi and was basically given the cold shoulder.  one word responses which ended with "i'm tired".  never heard from her all weekend.  last wednesday she took great pains to tell me how she now walks with a bunch of people from the gym.  hey, good on ya.

so today she texted me and asked how the hell i was.  i said to ch that i know that she is fishing.  i didnt know what for, but i knew that she was fishing.  i took my time responding and she had to tell me how she hooked up with this guy who basically always fucks her and leaves, she's his ho in the port, so to speak.  but instead of understanding how it really is, she always plays the victim after all is said and done and whines and "oh woe is me"-s and tries to tell me alllllll about it.

today i wasnt hearing anything of it and told her what james always says "past patterns predict future behaviour".  what else could i possibly say?  i know she is hoping to get in a few "oh why do i always do that"-s and i really just dont have time for it.

then after i basically gave her the one words and the saying courtesy of james she stopped talking about it.  i know i pissed her off by not playing into it the way she wanted.  instead of being doormat tracy, i played disinterested and sick of you tracy.  it might have worked.

then she started in with the whole "we need to get walking...my dog is waiting for you to get going" bullshit.  like she needs ME to walk with her so her dog can exercise.  fuck.  what IS it with people?  i know she is fishing to get me to go with her this weekend and i'm going to be unavailable.  she always expects me to go walking with her on her side of the city but this time i'm going to tell her that i'm doing mccoy's stairs (in my 'hood) so if she wants to see me, she can fucking drive HER ass over here. 

what do you want to bet that the excuses will fly and she wont do it?  oh i can bet that she will find some lame excuse as to why she cant go anywhere but kin coulee and boo hoo hoo about it, expecting me to drive over there.  it will happen.

ch has said that i need to give back what i get.  we had that talk friday night and i want to put it into action...so look out...you're getting what you give me.