another contributor

...to my anger is ch.

he drives me nuts. 

in fact, all the calm i had last week has since dissipated on his arrival.  i think it's ultimately the laundry issue i have the most anger over.  on monday i did our laundry.  i happened to wash stuff with towels which are fraying, so that when they were dried the frayed part of the towel wrapped around ch's 2 pairs of pants.  i took them out of the dryer and they were wrinkly.  i probably should have ironed them then and there, but i didnt.  no, i'm not a domestic doyenne, so back off.  instead, i tried to smooth them flat and then just put them on the hangers in his closet.

this morning he went to go get dressed and pitched a huge hissy because he had 2 pairs of pants which were wrinkly.  oh the horror!  but instead of just calmly taking it in, he started throwing things.  he could have come in here and asked me nicely to iron them.  instead, he starts pitching pants around and when i suggest he try another pair, he says "well, i did that and i'm tired of trying all the pants in the closet".  really?  maybe it's time YOU fucking well did your laundry or here's an idea:  maybe you should stop buying high maintenance clothing that says there's no fussing, but really, there always is.  so maybe, just maaaaaaaybe you should fucking take care of your own shit for a change and see how frustrating it all is. 

fuck, i hate his attitude.  i hate his mom and dad and sister for enabling this bullshit uselessness and i really above all hate myself for fucking well allowing it and laying the foundation for the bullshit and fuckery to continue 12yrs later.  god, i hate myself.

ya know, nothing makes me angrier than the implication that i'm to blame for everything around here.  that wasnt the first episode either: it was the second today because we had the repair person in here and i forgot to mention the underground sprinklers which need attention.  so he called me out on that and got angry.  well, while i was outside discussing the fence and gates with rory and stepping in 3cm snow (which covered our sprinklers and made it easy enough to forget that i needed to tell him about them), ch was merrily upstairs in bed sleeping.  all this was going on while i'm outside in 1c weather and he's tucked away in bed.  so then rory leaves and he's mad at me for not remembering to tell him about sprinklers. 

it really gets to the point where i swear i'm going to come unglued here one day and just let him have it.  i'll tell him that he can start doing his own laundry for a change and NO, the fucking dryer is NOT a dresser, so he will not only have to do his own laundry, but he'll also have to fold AND put them away.  and if i find anything in the dryer, it will end up on the floor.  i'm not a fucking slave.

and it's the same with calling people.  he's always saying that things need to be done, but not only does he not pitch in to do said things, he's fucking criticising me for taking care of them.  so i can call people (as in rory's case) to get shit done, but ch will always seem to find some fault with it.  either i've forgotten something or i've paid too much.  i'm not sure if it's his insecurity or uncomfortableness with being emasculated or what it is, but i get really tired of someone who refuses to actually DO something to help out, yet finds oodles of time to criticise.

maybe that's just it...while i'm in the middle of things getting them done, he's sitting back doing SWEET FUCK ALL and finding nothing but time to concoct critiques and remember the things i've forgotten.  i'm telling you, i was on simmer from sandra's texts today, but now i'm at a full boil thinking of ch's attitude today.