what would you do?

here i sit again, wondering what i should do.  and because i'm a stupid virgo, i cant figure out the right path.

i used to hang out with a group of girls.  we'd go for lunches and coincidentally, our husbands all got along.  to say it was a merry 8-some was putting it adequately.

but then shit started happening.  namely, i decided that i was sick and tired of being a fat louse and wanted to do something with myself, other than eat and drink.  with this group, i did those things to excess.  and when i rejoined the fitness studio, i was serious about losing weight and getting healthy, so something had to give. 

i felt that the group had to go.

there were many reasons, but the primary one was that it just didnt jive with my fitness plan.  i'd always hear that i didnt have to work out, that i was fine as i was, and that one beer or three wouldnt kill me.  at the same time,  i knew that one beer didnt do me any justice and that "one beer" got me in the predicament i was in back in may of 2008.

so i left the group slowly.  just stopped going for lunches.  and the craziest thing happened...i had energy to take on tasks i never considered before: dug up the garden, planted new bushes and shrubs, and painted the house.  i had energy renewed.  it was as if i was reborn.  i was finally LIVING.  to be cliche, it was as if a cloud was lifted.

the group didnt take kindly to my coup.  on one visit to a member, i was asked why i wasnt around as much anymore, to which i replied (to what i thought was in confidence) that i found the group oppressive and too much of an obligation.  i figured it was ok to say.

it wasnt.

that comment was later taken back to the group on a tuesday lunch and dissected.  torn apart and what emerged was ugly and dark.

instead of talking to me and confronting me on what i said, they turned on me like mean girls.

but in the meantime, i was blissfully unaware and quite happy to move on to my own pursuits of fitness and finding friends with similar interests.  life was good.  i really honestly didnt miss the group dynamic.

in october of 2008, one of them removed me from her fb account, which really made me mad.  it was unprovoked and uncalled for.  afterall, we hadnt had any fights or bickering. it just came out of the blue.

i got angry and removed the other two, doing so before they could remove me, because i figured it would be a group decision.  out of guilt i then removed myself from facebook.

months passed and curiousity got the better of me and i rejoined facebook.  i reconnected with one of the group members in 2009 and we have maintained a friendship since.  i consider her one of my good time gretchen weiner girls.

recently i attended a wedding where i ran into a husband of one of the girls who sat me down to ask me why i was no longer friends with his wife.  so i explained the whole stupid thing, right down to the fitness explanation and the facebook crap, and he said that she missed me and wanted me back in her life.

i know i'd rather hear it from HER than her husband.  it becomes a little too much "he said, she said" for my taste.

at the same time, the gretchen friend gave me shit for the events and told me that stuff i said in confidence (about finding the group an obligation etc) got back to them and they were all upset about it and that's why everything played out the way it did.  we had it out and it felt good.  in the end, we worked it out.  as a matter of fact, gretchen is in vegas and we are texting back and forth, wishing we were there together.  it will be fine between us.

but what i'm having a dilemma over is contacting karen again.  her husband insists that i should and that she would be happy to hear from me.  but i have filled karen's gap with other activities and i'm not so sure i'm completely ready to bring the DRAM back into my life. 

when i went to havre with gretchen and regina i had a great time.  regina and i ended up sharing a room and getting along great.  i missed her.  i hoped to be able to see her again.  i have the same hopes for karen, i really do.

but i just dont know what i should do.  as it stands i will likely email karen and just put it out there, knowing that karen is not the kind of girl who makes the first move.

i will see tho...i still have to think and this third glass of wine isnt helping.

or is it?