An Open Letter to my Fitness Instructor

dear fifi,

in two words: YOU SUCK.

i'm sorry, i have tried to like your classes and the cutesy way you say "fourrr-uh" like a drill sargeant every time you count down, but ultimately, i am finding your classes to be a complete pain in the ass.

let me just start by saying that you lack total credibility when you dont do things with us.  i'm talking about going past the demonstrations to actually following through with the ENTIRE exercise set you are pushing us to do.  instead, you demo it and then stand back and start yelling at us to get going...and then sometime in all that nonsense and yelling, you will do a rapid ten second sprint to show us how it "should" be done and the pace we "should" be at, but then you will go back to either surveying the room or reading nutrition journals.

i hate that.

you lose any and all credibility that you had when you first walked into the room.  i respect you because you earned the position you have, but quite frankly, my respect dwindles when you fail to perform everything you insist we must do with such vigour.  i just cant respect you for that and that's why i mutter "fuck you" every time you tell us to do more burpees after we've just done a two minute cardio sprint because you didnt think it looked "energized" enough.  fuck you, fifi.

and really, what is it with you not doing things alongside us?  it makes me think that you are incapeable of keeping up and find that it's easier to scream and yell than to try it and look like a failure because there are people in your classes who can do the sets and can keep up.  is that the case?  is it your ego or insecurity?  just say so.  i will stop rolling my eyes if you admit that you are inadequate.  in fact, i've seen your pushups (when you actually get down and do them with us) and let me just tell you that the fitness gurus there would eat you alive for the shitassed form you have.

what i find the most issue in that is that you have no compassion or understanding that our bodies might not be able to do 40 squats in a row, or that perhaps we are tired after doing 2 minute cardio sprints, followed by a burpee/push pyramid, that ends with another 2 minute drill.  can you not see that we were going hard out to begin with during the 2 mins?  and what is with you doing a full up and down burpee/push pyramid?  any other instructor will have us go from 1-8, break to another set of exercises and then finish off the pyramid with 8-1.  because today??? it was fucking ridiculous: 1-8 and back down again burpee/push pyramid, followed by 100 mountain climbers, followed by yet another 1-8 and back down again b/p pyramid was beyond ridiculous.  i have had better instructors than you who wouldnt have ever done it like that.  trust me.  and what was worse was YOU SAT ON YOUR ASS AND DIDNT DO A DAMNED THING OTHER THAN YELL.  again, fuck you, fifi.

and what is up with your legs classes?  i can not do 40 fucking squats in a row.  i just cant.  making us do 20, then 8 double downs, followed by another 12 and then dropping from 10lbs to 8 and repeating the entire process is a fucking recipe for a knee injury!!  both of my knees have been suffering immensely since you started instructing this class...and it's only getting worse, with a horrendous knee cramp sunday morning that had me bolting upright in bed.  i know it's coming from your class.  and hey, that squat thing was just the tip of the iceberg in your class...that was a mere 10 out of 50 minutes of shit assed sets you threw at us.

and i get that you are trying to improve our fitness.  hey, i can appreciate that...but at what cost?  injury?  do you want to see a knee give out?  will that give you some twisted sense of satisfaction?

i know you think you have a lot to prove because this is your first bikini bootcamp, but come on.  if you dialled it down even a notch, i swear we'd give you good reviews.  as it stands now, i cant bear to attend your classes because you refuse to dial it down.  can you not understand that by standing there doing nothing, you are not connected to our class in any way?  your indifference and cavalier attitude is really disgusting.  i can not respect you and hence it's why i'm going to continue to tell you to go fuck yourself every time you push shit on us that is irrational. 

look around you: the majority of the class are beginners!  do not push them the way you'd push experts.  why are you so hell bent to make fitness completely unenjoyable?  the mission here, fifi, is to make it fun and make people WANT to return to classes and excited about fitness.  all you're doing is turning people off...and you are even turning off veterans of the studio's classes.  not cool, fifi, not cool.

i'm still going to come to your classes.  god knows why.  maybe it's because i refuse to quit.  i'm stubborn that way.  i know i could add into another class at another time and never hear your voice again, but i dont want to give you the satisfaction of chasing me away.

so for now, you're going to have to endure ME.  i will continue to give it my all  and then some, but trust me, when it comes time to review you, i'm not sugar coating shit.