grey gardens, another update

so when the inlaws were here a couple of weeks ago, they started talking about all the places the mil saw when the realtor took her out.  she told me that there's a condo for sale a BLOCK from our house that she was excited about and how great/nice/special/wonderful/23 skidoo it was.

then she said, "oh and ch can JUST go over there and mow the grass and shovel the walks...tee hee". 

yeah, laugh it up, fuzzball.  reaaaaaaaaally funny.

i told ch later that night and he was outraged.  no shit!  finally!!! 

the one good thing coming from all of this is that i've been able to speak my mind without it resulting in a battle.  he actually listens to what i say about his crazy nutso aunt AND even, gasp, his sister.  this was virtually unheard of in the past, trust me.  he'd erupt and melt down and scream and yell and eventually leave the room if you so much as whispered your dissatisfaction with his sister and family.  over the last couple of months he's been more receptive to my criticisms and has actually AGREED with some of my assessments pertaining to his sister...especially in regards to her being stuck in perpetual baby of the family dependant on mommy and daddy mode, and them buying right into it.  progress!

the quest to move the aunt here is still on.  i told my therapist about it and he didnt say too much and then suddenly something twigged and he said "wait: your inlaws are buying her the condo and then telling her she has to move?"  uh huh.  it IS that fucked up, james.

i just love how the responsibility of taking care of the aunt is falling solely on ch's shoulders.  there's no mention of the sil...of course the normal world knows she cant handle shit, and it would be ridiculous to presume that she would solely take on the responsibilities of the aunt's care without having hissy fit after hissy fit.  the parents live squarely up her asshole and dont see her as useless the way the rest of the world does, but see her as "strong", "determined", and the one that always kills me and makes me laugh out loud literally everytime they say it: "independant".  riiiiiiiiiiight. 

they acknowledge her uselessness in a way that makes them feel needed, so they dont see it as wrong or fucked up that their 31 yr old daughter is codependant and not quite right.  what they call "help" is counterproductive and actually churning out an individual that is not responsible for her own actions, ever, and someone who can not possibly face the slightest crisis.  it's like the mere idea of a problem cripples her so much so that she can not think rationally.  case in point is when her humidifier sprayed water over her unfinished basement.  she called our house repeatedly at 7am and kept going till 9am.  in the meantime, the calls went between us and the inlaws.  and at the time it was very cold and terrible driving conditions, but the fil was willing to get in his car and drive the 3hrs to help her mop the floor...

so she called in sick for the day and then from 7am till god knows when she did nothing.  she finally got ahold of ch at 9am and he went over there at ten to drop off our wet vac.  1/2 hr later, she called me wanting an extension cord.  20/20 hindsight is particularly helpful and i should have made her come here since she took the day off, but no, i stupidly went over there with a mop and bucket as well in order to help.  i called her as i was leaving my garage and i'm 2 minutes away from her home.  this comes in handy because i had to stand on her doorstep trying to juggle everything as she took her sweet time to answer the door.  GEE, i'm standing there balancing things and you KNEW i was coming...could you not be waiting there to at least help me carry the bucket, the cord, and the fans i brought? 

so i went into her basement and she had done nothing, other than move a couch over to a drier spot.  and i'm pretty sure that ch did all the moving because at times of physical necessity, she will pull her "injured shoulder" trick and wont help.  so she had been up since 7 presumably crying over the water in her basement and doing nothing till i arrived at 11am.

i have since learned to shut my everloving mouth in terms of immediately volunteering assistance when she starts whining.  and to this day, i have never forgiven her for not cleaning up her basement.  was she telling me that the water was that overwhelming that she couldnt start till 11am???  she had been up since 7, so what in the fuck was she doing the whole time? 

i'm sure she spent a majority of the time crying because we got a few teary messages and i swear that was more emotion that she's EVER displayed in the 12 yrs i've known her.  even when her grandparents died, she didnt shed a single tear...but water in her basement?  bring on the kleenex!

my whole tangent is to illustrate that coddling adult children is never a good idea...this person now is our problem every time there is a slight crisis...have a spider on your outside window?  call your brother and then call your dad to come with his pressure washer to wash off your condo later...and in the meantime, everyone sits back and nods and speaks as if it's the most normal thing in the world...

am i the only one who is sane in this family??  i'm beginning to understand why it is that i'm in therapy and wondering aloud if more people should be there instead of me.