i have a very complicated relationship with my parents. VERY.
growing up i was always micro managed and controlled.
couldnt wait to get out of the house, couldnt wait to leave, to get away from their control.
as an adult i've always kept them at arms length and controlled just how much interaction i have with them.
and it seems the more distance i have, the more clearly i can see.
the lies, the manipulations...i wonder how much of my childhood i spent in the fog of lies and spoonfed untruths.
that concept disturbs me greatly, shatters every foundation of beliefs i made.
i feel quite betrayed by their lies, and as a result, despise liars in my own life. i can comprehend small white lies like "oh yes, that color suits you", but i can not understand great big fat whopping lies that are so baseless and pointless, that only serve to hurt in the end.
my mom still tells great big whoppers and so much so, that i dont believe 90% of what comes out of her mouth. what's worse is her retelling of stories, especially if you were there in person to witness the event...what comes out of her mouth in the retelling of it is grotesque and unrecognizable and i feel a big sense of embarassment when she does shit like that because *I* can see how distorted things are.
i'm not sure what offends me more or makes me more angry: the fact that people lie or that they expect me to believe the lies they tell. do they really think i'm that stupid, that i believe even the most offensive falsehoods?
i think knowing what i know about my parents and the liars that seem to surround me, i strive with all my heart to be truthful about everything because lying simply does not pay. it's more energy to keep up a false veneer, instead of simply living the truth.
in the end, the truth is so liberating, so freeing...i just dont understand how liars cant see that...
Saturday, September 26, 2009
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i have a very complicated relationship with my parents. VERY.
growing up i was always micro managed and controlled.
couldnt wait to get out of the house, couldnt wait to leave, to get away from their control.
as an adult i've always kept them at arms length and controlled just how much interaction i have with them.
and it seems the more distance i have, the more clearly i can see.
the lies, the manipulations...i wonder how much of my childhood i spent in the fog of lies and spoonfed untruths.
that concept disturbs me greatly, shatters every foundation of beliefs i made.
i feel quite betrayed by their lies, and as a result, despise liars in my own life. i can comprehend small white lies like "oh yes, that color suits you", but i can not understand great big fat whopping lies that are so baseless and pointless, that only serve to hurt in the end.
my mom still tells great big whoppers and so much so, that i dont believe 90% of what comes out of her mouth. what's worse is her retelling of stories, especially if you were there in person to witness the event...what comes out of her mouth in the retelling of it is grotesque and unrecognizable and i feel a big sense of embarassment when she does shit like that because *I* can see how distorted things are.
i'm not sure what offends me more or makes me more angry: the fact that people lie or that they expect me to believe the lies they tell. do they really think i'm that stupid, that i believe even the most offensive falsehoods?
i think knowing what i know about my parents and the liars that seem to surround me, i strive with all my heart to be truthful about everything because lying simply does not pay. it's more energy to keep up a false veneer, instead of simply living the truth.
in the end, the truth is so liberating, so freeing...i just dont understand how liars cant see that...
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