off to havre

so it's off to montana tomorrow.  if it wasnt such a gong show getting there, i'd probably feel better about it, but for the fact that it's seeming rather chaotic, i'm having reservations.

originally, four girls were going.  these four had gone last year and the year before that.  for some reason, one couldnt go, and instead of just the three of them going, they opened it up to a fourth. 

i was not asked initially.  an email was circulated months ago, apparently, asking other girls to go and there were no takers.  i wasnt initially considered and some of the PVC's were asked long before i was.  am i bitter about it?  not really.  i've had a very busy summer, so going there or staying home makes no difference. 

a few weeks ago, i was asked to come along.  somehow finding out after the fact that i'm the last ditch choice pisses me off.  kinda sorta.  i know better than to be upset by it, but it's still not great to find out that you were asked when all other options were exhausted.  i dont like being the last ditch bandaid.

that girl bullshit aside, we decide we're going.  then someone decides to invite someone that we all really dont know that well.  okaaaaaay, i can tolerate that, but will i sleep with her and share a bed?  uhm...i dunno.  we are going in a 4 door pickup truck, which means we're cramping three people in the back for nearly 3 hrs.  that gets my dander up.  i dont like riding in the back, much less being cramped back there with long legs beside someone and always worrying that my fat ass is squishing someone next to me.  hate that feeling.

so then someone has to back out because of an injury.  breath of relief exhaled from me.  perfect.  two in the back of a truck i can do.

then i get an email this afternoon saying that someone's coming along that i havent seen in two years ON PURPOSE and have avoided any contact with her because she is annoying.  now she's coming?  oh FFS.  i'm trying not to do the first gut instinct and cut and run because it would be deadly obvious, but  must i be subjected to "Regina" and her obsession with taking obnoxious photos (and later posting them to fb) and her desire to have it her way or the highway all fucking weekend?  really?  i left that group for part of that reason because i couldnt stand it always being about Regina. 

i know it's only 24hrs or less, but i'm already annoyed with this.  and yes, i know, we'll be staying in a cheaper hotel, but there are still expenses involved in boarding my dogs, and other various things that are coming up in the next couple of weeks.  i dont *need* to be going.  i could happily and blissfully stay here all weekend without feeling for one second that i was missing anything.  there are plenty of things i could be doing at home for FREE and SOLO and they are things i've been putting off for a long time.

but of course to back out now would be kinda rude. 

i'm sure it will be a good time and plenty of booze consumed (which does help the feelings of space invasion), but it's just turning into one drama after another with constant email updates and helpful-but-not-so-helpful hints of how i can "justttttt do xyz" in order to make things work.

what drives me nuts about certain aspects of the PVC's and why i left them was the constant meddling they all seemed to do in my life.  no matter what i was doing, someone always had to butt in or put in their .02 about it, even if it wasnt solicited.  honestly, unsolicited advice is generally hot air and aural raping.  at least that's what i think.

the PVC's also have to party nonstop and want everyone around them as intoxicated or more so than they are.  and there is always a reason to party or a reason that they tell you that you "HAVE TO" drink with them.  there's always some asshole having a birthday or an event that you just simply cant be sober at without someone tsk-tsking you over it.  it's another reason i ditched them.  and i noticed that i started getting fatter around these women and they felt they had the right to try to hold me back from pursuing my fitness goals. 

i've been spending time on and off with "Gretchen".  Gretchen is ok but she is the kind of person who is only here for a good time.  i suspect there is a hint of alcoholism going on, but it all comes off as her being the good time girl.  you never want to tell gretchen anything you wouldnt want repeated to anyone else, but she is good for a lot of no-bullshit fun if you are in the mood for it.  but with gretchen comes the consumption of tons of beer and even just a few episodes with gretchen this summer have left me with a bigger spare tire than i wanted.  all the hard work i did in the late winter is seemingly lost, thanks to this.  and i can accept blame where blame is due and i know that i put stuff in my mouth, too.

in the end, i know this bitching isnt serving any purpose and that i'm still going to go despite it.  i'm sure it will be a good time and i will try to keep my opinions to myself and try not to roll my eyes too hard at regina's photo taking.  i can be pleasant for 24 hrs and then come home and kick the garbage can repetitively until i feel better...

i think.  i hope. 

ugh.