there are still moments of melancholy. mostly, they're brought on by things which i cant control. for instance, tonight i saw the fireworks at our stampede, and i know--isnt it fucking crazy--i thought of you immediately. i thought of that time where we were at the stampede in yyc and how we all went as a crazy group, drank, laughed, ate, did whatever. remember when we walked through the grounds hand in hand and laughed as people made the gag face with their hands because they thought we were lezzies? remember that? we laughed. hell, we did it to shock people. kinda like that time we pretended i was so very fucking ill at the bar. god, i dont remember where, but i made the barf noises, you made the splashes. and we fucking giggled like school girls to hear them on the other side of the door groaning. god, i laugh thinking of the shit we pulled in our youth. christ, i know that somewhere out there you're laughing along with me.
but i just wanted to say that you are so very close to me to this day. christ, i cant believe i'm going to be turning 40 without you. i know that's next year. god dammit, robin, i know that you were never meant to get old. you'd have thought our stories were trite and tired by 70, you'd have told me to grow up, to get over it, that it was the past and now we were supposed to be respectable adults with our widow's pensions, our jewels from years gone by, and the lines on our faces to prove it. i'd have been the one wheeled into a corner with tears running down my face. it'd be up to the nurses to sedate me out of their awkwardness. they wouldnt know whether i was in hysterics from laughing or crying. fuck, i'm sure they will still have to because i know i'll start talking to you randomly when the urge to care or give a damn has long since passed. i just hope you come to me and tell me it's ok.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
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there are still moments of melancholy. mostly, they're brought on by things which i cant control. for instance, tonight i saw the fireworks at our stampede, and i know--isnt it fucking crazy--i thought of you immediately. i thought of that time where we were at the stampede in yyc and how we all went as a crazy group, drank, laughed, ate, did whatever. remember when we walked through the grounds hand in hand and laughed as people made the gag face with their hands because they thought we were lezzies? remember that? we laughed. hell, we did it to shock people. kinda like that time we pretended i was so very fucking ill at the bar. god, i dont remember where, but i made the barf noises, you made the splashes. and we fucking giggled like school girls to hear them on the other side of the door groaning. god, i laugh thinking of the shit we pulled in our youth. christ, i know that somewhere out there you're laughing along with me.
but i just wanted to say that you are so very close to me to this day. christ, i cant believe i'm going to be turning 40 without you. i know that's next year. god dammit, robin, i know that you were never meant to get old. you'd have thought our stories were trite and tired by 70, you'd have told me to grow up, to get over it, that it was the past and now we were supposed to be respectable adults with our widow's pensions, our jewels from years gone by, and the lines on our faces to prove it. i'd have been the one wheeled into a corner with tears running down my face. it'd be up to the nurses to sedate me out of their awkwardness. they wouldnt know whether i was in hysterics from laughing or crying. fuck, i'm sure they will still have to because i know i'll start talking to you randomly when the urge to care or give a damn has long since passed. i just hope you come to me and tell me it's ok.
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