i can finally breathe after hearing about your loss. it's not as if that hole has covered itself up. no, it's still there, but hidden well under the mask i wear everyday. i havent really told that many people, no. i have just told the ones who knew you and the ones who were from our past together, so that amounts to nobody, really.
but i do know that those who knew are so deeply affected and touched. it's as if we've all been burned by the same flame that took you, robbed us even. robbed us all of the things we held dear to our hearts but were too unwilling to understand, to reach out, to say so.
and there is that part of me that will wonder if it would have ended that way because i chose to leave facebook...and i wonder if i would have reached out to you, called you even when i found out that you lost your last footing before the fall? would i have called you? would i have been there and have averted this final step? i'm not sure. it's going to haunt me.
it's haunting me that i dont know the hows or the whys of your death. and christ, i mourn your passing like nothing else. goddammit, robin, i feel SO lost without you, even tho we havent seen each other for years. fuck. you and i were a different breed together....we may not have seen each other all the time, but when we did, it was as if we never left. i fucking miss having someone like that in my life. christ, robin, i'm so lost. who else knows me the way you did? fuck, even talking about you in past tense is so trite, so stupid, so hard to believe.
i keep listening to songs and thinking of you and wanting one ---just one---to spell it all out for me and i'm not finding it. yes, we will always have "our" song: bookends by simon and garfunkel...god...when i think of how we were in our 3rd year, how we thought we had the world by the ass, it breaks my heart to know you're not still hanging on. and i wish you told me just how far down you fell...
i just miss you. i've stopped crying as much as i did last week, but i always am keeping you in my thoughts, thinking wwrdwd constantly. but seriously, in the middle of "oh my bff is____" i can no longer answer. i cant tell you just how lonely the world is now that you're no longer in it.
i can finally breathe after hearing about your loss. it's not as if that hole has covered itself up. no, it's still there, but hidden well under the mask i wear everyday. i havent really told that many people, no. i have just told the ones who knew you and the ones who were from our past together, so that amounts to nobody, really.
but i do know that those who knew are so deeply affected and touched. it's as if we've all been burned by the same flame that took you, robbed us even. robbed us all of the things we held dear to our hearts but were too unwilling to understand, to reach out, to say so.
and there is that part of me that will wonder if it would have ended that way because i chose to leave facebook...and i wonder if i would have reached out to you, called you even when i found out that you lost your last footing before the fall? would i have called you? would i have been there and have averted this final step? i'm not sure. it's going to haunt me.
it's haunting me that i dont know the hows or the whys of your death. and christ, i mourn your passing like nothing else. goddammit, robin, i feel SO lost without you, even tho we havent seen each other for years. fuck. you and i were a different breed together....we may not have seen each other all the time, but when we did, it was as if we never left. i fucking miss having someone like that in my life. christ, robin, i'm so lost. who else knows me the way you did? fuck, even talking about you in past tense is so trite, so stupid, so hard to believe.
i keep listening to songs and thinking of you and wanting one ---just one---to spell it all out for me and i'm not finding it. yes, we will always have "our" song: bookends by simon and garfunkel...god...when i think of how we were in our 3rd year, how we thought we had the world by the ass, it breaks my heart to know you're not still hanging on. and i wish you told me just how far down you fell...
i just miss you. i've stopped crying as much as i did last week, but i always am keeping you in my thoughts, thinking wwrdwd constantly. but seriously, in the middle of "oh my bff is____" i can no longer answer. i cant tell you just how lonely the world is now that you're no longer in it.
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